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Monday Mini

YAYYYYY!!! *KERMIT ARMS*

My lovely and talented friend, Jennifer Williams, came by yesterday and set up an awesome little photo corner in my house! I can finally take pictures of my makeup that don’t turn out yellow, and I can stop relying on posts about stuff I don’t need to swatch. She helped me out at just the right time, man, I was starting to run out of ideas! Writing a beauty blog without photos of eyeshadow and stuff is not going to win me more BEST INTERNET awards.

This week, I’m going to finally show you guys that OCC Lip Tar I’ve been teasing forever, and I got some rad nail wraps that I can’t wait to run. Oh, I also got these SUPER DOPE polishes that I love so much they make me feel dizzy. Like, I look at them, and get overwhelmed with how cool they are.

I have to keep reminding myself this is not solely a nail blog, but what can I say? I love nail stuff! Just last week, I bought a giant tub to finally consolidate all my polishes together. I almost filled up the whole thing, and the only place the tub fits is under my bed. I’m obsessed! I love to stare at my own hands and make unnecessary gestures so everyone can see my cool nails. It was really bad when I first got my engagement ring. I was flinging my hands all over the place, and voguing in the mirror nonstop.

Speaking of Vogue, here’s this fantastic video of 23 years of “Vogue.” It’s so great. When Madonna is good, she’s amazing. “Vogue” is my very favorite Madonna song, I will always love it forever.

That’s all I have for today! But, I’ve given you the gift of Madonna, and you shouldn’t need anything else. Don’t be greedy!

 

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All Skate!, TGIF

Tease Tease

My “Hair” board on Pinterest is FULL of pictures like this:

tease tease

Photo: The New York Times

Totally sexual and cool, big 60s hair is one of my very favorite styles.

TOO BAD I COULDN’T TEASE MY HAIR IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.

I’ve read countless tutorials, watched tons of videos, and even had my hairdresser/buddy show me how to do it on own head. Nothing ever helps! Sometimes, I’ll think I got it, but then I go to smooth hair over, and no, I don’t have it. I NEVER have it. I’ll tease and spray and tease and spray and it never works. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but whatever it is, it’s the key to undoing the entire thing.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to go with some other thrown together style at the last minute because I’m sweating and near tears, Jason is ready to go, and we’re late for a wedding, or whatever. It fucking sucks and it ruins my vision for my look.

It’s especially frustrating because it seems like teasing is pretty basic. I can’t French braid either, so that ruins all the other hair ideas I have pinned. I’ll just be standing in front of the bathroom mirror, teasing or braiding, until my arms feel like they’re going to fall off, and the result is always the same; a head full of knots and a FURIOUS me.

I’m not giving up though! I’m going to get it one day, dammit!

What about you? Are there any beauty styles or looks that you JUST CAN’T GET? Can you teach me to French braid? Should I just give it up and figure out another way to do my hair? Am I completely dumb for not being able to figure these things out?

Let’s chat, darlings!

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Beauty Idols, Links

Babies, don’t you panic

NOOOOOO!!! Tim Curry suffered a major stroke last night.

frank

Get well soon, beautiful.

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Bargain Beauty, Cleansers, Lips, Masks

Pretty Cheap, Vol. 1

The drugstore is the first place we all started experimenting with crazy beauty, right? If you were like me, you were young, you only had birthday money, and you were obsessed with Long’s Drugstore. They had all the best shit! Tons of face glitter and lots of cheap nail polish to shoplift.

Nail polish and toe rings….

Now that I’m too old to get busted for shoplifting without it being totally humiliating, and I have a debit card, I still like to peruse the drugstore for cheap beauty products. Scoring a good deal on a quality product is fucking intoxicating. I like to buy a bunch of stuff, show it all to Jason, and then gloat about how, “If you think about it, I’m really making us money by buying all this cheap product!” He says that’s not how it works, I say he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

So, today I’m introducing you guys to some of my very favorite discount beauty buys. These are all products that I’ve extensively tested and re-bought. They’re all good, they’re all cheap, and they’re all super easy to find at Target, Ulta, the grocery store, and online.

Pick up your Cipro and some lip gloss all at once! Let’s do it!

Queen Helene Mint Julep Masquemint masque

Ulta, $3.99

Don’t let the dated packaging and low price fool you, this mask is the real deal. Like, old school, thick and bright green. It’s straight up Mrs. Doubtfire status.

hellooo

HELLOOOO!

Haha! I love it! Mrs. Doubtfire, you are SO CRAZY!

Queen Helene’s Mint Julep Masque has a clay like consistency, which is why it hardens as it dries. This part can hurt a little. I don’t know, maybe it’s pulling on the hypothetical peach fuzz I definitely do not have on my chin. After 15 games of Bejeweled, rinse it off, and rewash your face with your cleanser. You should see brighter and clearer looking skin. It definitely helps with blackheads and drying up zits. The site claims it “shrinks enlarged pores,” but that’s bullshit because that’s impossible.

In fact, let’s clear this up right now:

ANY BEAUTY PRODUCT THAT CLAIMS TO “SHRINK” YOUR PORES IS LYING TO YOU. YOUR PORES ARE THE SIZE THEY ARE AND THERE ISN’T ANYTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

All beauty products can do is decrease the appearance of your pores by cleaning them out. I’m sorry. I wish it wasn’t this way, but it is. But, hey, if you’re in the market for a mask that will decrease the appearance of your pores, this one will do it. The mint can sting a little, so if you have extremely sensitive skin, tread carefully. I’ve been using this mask for years, and I buy it over more expensive masks all the time.

ETA: A friend left a comment about her experience with the mask, “When I was younger than 20, it was fine. Now that my skin is aging, it is asking for trouble. It dries me out way too much, it burns like hell, and leaves me with a thin, frail, red mess.”

So, fair warning for all you tender faced readers! You could maybe still use it in spots; if my cheeks are feeling really dry, I’ll only put it on my nose and forehead. But, if you have qualms, spot test first.

Revlon ColorBurst Lip Butter

lip butter

Drugstore.com, $5.99

I’m a sucker for products that have the word “butter” in the name. I’m drawn right to it! I don’t know what that says about me other than the obvious; I’m hungry and susceptible.

Revlon’s Lip Butters go on so smoothly. Even the colors with shimmer in them don’t really drag or get caught up if your lips aren’t in great condition. Which is good for me because, as I’ve stated earlier, I gnaw on my poor mouth. The color payoff is good, with finishes ranging from sheer to dark. They have a balm like consistency, but they don’t seem particularly moisturizing. If that’s a concern for you, you can apply them over whatever lip moisturizer you use. They’re great for summer because they’re light, they aren’t sticky, and they don’t travel all over your face.

“Peach Parfait” is my oh-shit-I-don’t-have-lipstick-on emergency kit. It’s a fantastic nude that’s always in my purse, and it looks great with almost any eye makeup I might be wearing. I loved that first color so much, I bought two more, “Cupcake” and “Tutti Frutti.”

I was just embarrassed for myself typing out, “Tutti Frutti.” That sounds like a grandma lipstick.

These Lip Butters are such a great deal. The quality is great and the price is awesome. You can even find them on sale all the time! BONUS!

Yes to Blueberries Facial Towelettes

yestoblueberries

Amazon, 30 ct., $5.99

Look. I hate washing my face as much as everybody else. I especially hate it when it’s after 2:00 AM, and I’m, um, three sheets to an ill wind.

So many vodka tonics

+

washing my makeup off over the sink

=

“FUCKITI’LLJUSTGETZITSIDON’TCARESOMEBODYTAKEMETODELTACO!!!!”

Followed by all the things on the bathroom counter being knocked over. I’m great at holding it together at the bars, but the second I get into the car with Jason, I go crazy! I’m like Roger Rabbit when you give him liquor; all broken windows and steam coming out of my ears.

OK, I’ve never broken any windows. But, I did once flood my mom’s front room because I passed out in the shower with my leg over the drain.

If I’d had these facial towelettes then, I never would have gotten into the shower that fateful morning! I would have just wiped my face, and gone to bed. Then, the whole 80s movie montage that went down when I woke up and had to frantically clean up all the water because MY PARENTS WERE COMING HOME EARLY never would have happened.

It sounds like I was 17 when this happened, but I was 23. Oops!

Well, I didn’t quite learn my lesson, I still drunkenly climb into bathtubs and showers. But, it happens a lot less often. For real, the ability to be able to just wipe off my makeup at the end of the night is such a relief.

These towelettes are perfect for taking off face makeup, and eye shadows, but they’re not great for effectively removing all of your eye liner and mascara. It can be done, it just takes a little more work. I don’t really care about that for this product because I’m not using it as my primary cleanser. Besides, who doesn’t like a little sexy, smudged party eye?

I like to wipe my face with them, then rinse out the cloth and give my skin one more pass. That way, I can pick up any extra cleanser or makeup that’s left behind. They clean your skin, and they moisturize too. So, if you’re drunk or just lazy you’re all set!

*****

Put these products on your Target lists. Don’t shoplift them!

Shoplifting is for 13 year olds with attitude problems. And Winona Ryder.

Are you a 13 year old or Winona Ryder?

No. You’re not.

Shoplifting and teenage suicide, DON’T DO IT.

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Social

Like The Lab Bunny on Facebook

If you want to see random pictures I take, and read unedited nonsense I write, the Lab Bunny FB page is for you.

Like it, share it, give it a little tongue and whisper sweet nothings to it.

The Lab Bunny on Facebook!

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General, Links

10 Year Old Me Was Awesome

10yome

A piece over on xoJane is giving me so much inner fortification today.

“YOU are OK. I am OK. We are all so fucking OK.”

Fuck yes, we are! Tree trunk thighs, gapped teeth, four eyes and all. Those things I hated when I was 10, are all still with me.

23 years of war waged against my body, and we’re still together. Sometimes, we forge a tentative peace treaty, but then, shots are fired by way of a new bathing suit, or whatever, and I’m back on the front lines. It’s a nonstop battle.

Reading things like this though;

“Love the 10-year-old you who just went for it, awkwardly, blindly, fucking it up, but still going for it, bad hair, bad teeth, bad clothes, and you BELIEVED and you stumbled but there was a part of you that just knew.You just knew how rad you are.”

These are the things that make those tough days a little easier.

“What about me? I’m motherfucking great, that’s what.”

grownup

MOTHERFUCKING GREAT, THAT’S WHAT.

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Cleansers, Fresh, Maintenance

Fresh Soy Face Cleanser

fresh soy cleanser

Fresh Soy Face Cleanser, $15-$38

As I’ve previously bragged, I’ve never really had a lot of skin problems. When I was a kid, I had the usual smattering of hormone induced pimples and overall oiliness; the perfect compliment to my bushy eyebrows and “tree trunk thighs” (thanks, super clever kids on the bus). But, as an adult, I only ever had the occasional random zit (eyebrows are now so fly, tree trunk thighs are still in full effect).

I was so used to basking in my beautiful, problem free skin, that when it went haywire in The Great Kiehl’s Disaster of 2010, I was totally fucked. I frantically cycled through cleanser after cleanser, desperately trying to bring some order back to my skin. I mean, when you got dem tree trunk thighs, you gotta keep that face, right? I tried all my usual esthetician tricks; I was oiling and lotioning, lotioning and oiling, but nothing worked.

This is a battle I’ve been fighting, with various degrees of success, up until two weeks ago.

After yet another less than satisfying run with a piece of strange cleanser, I finally got around to giving Fresh Soy Face Cleanser a shot.

From Sephora’s site:

“Rich in amino acids, soy proteins promote moisture retention, elasticity, and firmness. Rosewater balances and tones the skin. Fragrance-free and soap-free, calming cucumber extract and nourishing borage seed oil enriches its formula.”

This is a gel cleanser, and a little bit goes a very long way, which is great if the price tag is scaring you away. I’ve been using this cleanser, along with my Clarisonic brush and Pore Cleansing Pad (not at the same time, or in the same day. NEVER in the same day), and my skin was better, literally, overnight. Seriously. After the first time I used it, I was impressed, but skeptical. I’ve been through the old “first time using a new cleanser” song and dance a lot over the past few years, and nothing has held up past the the first few uses. Well, that was two weeks ago, and every time I wash my face, I’m still impressed. Even though it is a very gentle cleanser that is appropriate for all skin types, it effectively removes my full face of makeup, mascara and all, while clearing out my pores, without drying or irritating my very tender, usually dry cheeks. I’m not crazy about the cucumber/soy scent, but it’s a small hurdle to overcome.

I could have had my nice skin back a long time ago. But no, I refused to buy into the hype of one of SEPHORA’S TOP RATED, BEST SELLING CLEANSERS (I’m so dumb), choosing instead to trek through the skincare wilderness all alone. See, kids? This is why peer pressure is a good thing. If you give into peer pressure, you’ll be smoking, and blow j’ing, and your skin will look great, and everyone will love you! You’ll be the coolest!

Look at me! Since I started using this cleanser, my skin has become smoother, clearer, more hydrated, AND I got invited to all the best graduation pool parties. NO PARENTS, YOU GUYS.

That last part was a lie. I’ve never in my life been invited to a cool, unchaperoned graduation party.

The first part though? That part about how much better my skin is now that I’ve been using this cleanser? That part is the truth.

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