Floss Gloss, Nails

NEW Floss Gloss Resort 2014

Floss Gloss got a new color out this month, it’s a baaaaad mothafucker…

floss gloss lean

Lean, Floss Gloss, $8

I wish you guys could hear me when I’m referencing movies in my posts. It’d make my jokes better, I think. Just reread that first part in a “Day-Day pretending to be Baby D in Next Friday” voice.

This new electric purple polish from Floss Gloss, Lean, does look like a bad motherfucker though. Purple is my favorite color, so I am HERE FOR IT. I want it bad. Real bad. It looks like it wants me to kick winter in the teeth and welcome spring into my life. Which works for me because while the rest of the country is freezing its balls off, here in CA, it was 80 degrees last week! The trees are blooming, and we totally started fire season already. This sounds pretty ok, but it’s not. It’s bad! It’s kind of sad to see the trees all confused, and we’re in a terrible drought, so we’re pretty much under a statewide “Let it Mellow” order. So, yeah. While it’s not technically spring yet, it might as well be! BRING ON THE SPRING COLORS. HELLO TANK TOPS. Let me make the best of a bad situation. If this drought apocalypse goes down, I want this color on my nails to go with the shaved sides of my very butch, super cool new apocalypse haircut. Everybody gets cool new haircuts when everything falls apart. Like, right now, I don’t have my apocalypse hair because of society, but when society crumbles, it’s on. That’s probably when I adopt the eyepatch I always think about, too. An outfit for every occasion!

Obviously, I’d prefer to have this color now, while society still stands. I want to wear it to a party, not a motorcycle fight, or whatever. Right now, I’m broke, so I need us to hold it together until I can buy this polish for myself. Let it mellow, don’t wash your cars, turn the water off while you brush your teeth, whatever it takes! We can do this together!

Buy Lean by Floss Gloss HERE.

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Floss Gloss, Nails, ncLA

Santa Bunny: Nail It

Today’s gift guide is for all the nail junkies. Addicts with shoe boxes and bathroom drawers full of polish bottles, who are all strung out on the smell of acetone. Poor souls who can’t walk past a colorful display without taking just a tiny hit; just a little dab, just to see what it looks like on the nail….

Pro Nail Polish Wall Rack Display

nail rack

Amazon, $28

I got one of these for myself this year, and I love it. It’s on the wall, behind my desk, and I look at it every day. I literally stare at it every day. Seeing all my polish organized like that is extremely satisfying. This would be an AWESOME gift for anyone who loves and collects nail polish. Could you imagine how well this rack would go over? If I hadn’t bought this for myself, and someone else bought it for me as a gift, I would have lost my fucking mind. I would have unwrapped it and gone totally bananas. It’s the rare gift that is both fun and functional. Usually, I despise getting logical or functional gifts, but this rack is such a polish altar, it hardly registers as actually functional. Even though it is. Also, it’s a gift that says, “Hey. I validate your life choices, and I understand your needs. Here’s a place to store all those life choices.” More than a place to store your bottles, it’s almost art. All those colors and glitters up on the wall, man, it’s good. Just remember, if you give or get a rack like this, you probably shouldn’t hang it in the bathroom. The temperature fluctuations aren’t good for the polish. 

Floss Gloss Full Set Deux

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Floss Gloss, $96

It’s no secret that I’m a huge Floss Gloss fan. I think I’ve bought every new color they’ve introduced since I found them. I’ve also bought most of the collection that came along before I knew about them. Their formula is great, and their colors are TITS. I can not get enough. Every time I get a new delivery from them that has more than one color, I end up locked in indecision for days. How do you choose? I wish I had more hands!! I have toes, but they’re gross. I mean, I paint my toenails, but they don’t look as fly as my fingernails; they look like little colorful shrimps. Little, cold, ashy shrimps.

Anyways! This set is a great gift for the polish aficionado in your life. You don’t have to pick a color, they get a shitload of nail polish, it’s a win win for everyone! Plus, if they don’t already know about Floss Gloss, how cool does that make you look? Extra super cool. This ain’t OPI. This is that new new indie ish. Fabulous colors, cool packaging, and it’s thoughtful. It’s thoughtful because if you buy someone all this nail polish, that frees up their cash to buy more nail polish, probably.

If you don’t want to spend $96, or if you think your nail nerd will want some of the other colors not offered in this set, Floss Gloss also has gift cards.

floss gloss card

Floss Gloss, $10-$100

These gift cards are available in amounts from $10-$100. It comes with all the same perks as the full set, the recipient will love it, you look super cool, plus, it’s so much easier to wrap!

ncLA Nail Wraps

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ncLA, $16-$18

I was way over nail wraps until ncLA came along. Then, I saw their Melody Ehsani series of wraps, and I was, like, super horny for them. Horny sounds like the wrong word, but it’s the right word. Trust. The same tingles happen when a nail junkie sees something they need.

I bought a couple different wraps from that line, and they were DOPE. The printing on the wraps is crisp, their designs are crazy fashion forward and they last forever. This is what the Melody Ehsani “Umoja” wraps looked like on my fingers:

Umoja wrap

ART.

UGH. SO FLY. Doesn’t it just make you want to slap my face?! They look so good, I want to slap my own face. Each set comes with enough wraps to do a couple manicures. And I think you could probably use the wraps that don’t fit as extra mani embellishment. I’ve been thinking of cutting down the pieces that are too big, and using them over polish to create different designs.

They have tons of different prints. They just released some really amazing transparent wraps that look soooo freaking cool. The “Jagged Edge” and “Cut Up” designs, in particular, are calling to me.

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Jagged Edge

Several wrap styles are on sale, too. The blood spatter design, “Dracula’s Bride,” is a Halloween wrap, but I would wear it year round. These wraps would make awesome stocking stuffers, and if you sign up for ncLA’s email list, you’ll get 15% off your purchase. So, that’s good! You know I love a discount!

Grab some cool gifts for your polish lover. They’ll think you’re super intuitive and ultra rad. Maybe they’ll scratch your back! Maybe not though. I don’t know what your relationship boundaries are.

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Fave Looks, Floss Gloss, Nails

Floss Gloss Selena Corpus Crystalina Review and Pics

floss gloss selena bottle

Floss Gloss, $8

Ever since Floss Gloss released their Selena tribute color, I’ve been yearning for it. I finally picked it up during their Black Friday sale, and even though it’s been a while since I’ve used any glitter on my nails, I am BEYOND excited to be wearing this polish. For reasons that are about to become clear, it’s been a really great morning for my hands.

Selena Corpus Crystalina is a sheer white glitter with a brilliant holographic sheen. In the bottle, it’s pretty, but on the nail, it really shines. I used three coats of polish to swatch the color by itself, and I wanted to keep adding layer after layer because with every new coat, it became sparklier.

floss gloss selena swatch

I was having an impossible time trying to get this polish to do its thing in photographs. I wanted to show all the colors that glittered everywhere, but my camera was just not having it. I tried doing it in different light, and at different angles, but nothing I tried made it easier to capture the way this polish looks like rhinestones. I needed something behind it to set it off.

Then I had the most brilliant idea I’ve ever had!!!!!!! A brilliant idea to show off the color of this beautiful polish, while also showing my love for Selena.

Seriously. I thought of this, and I went crazy. I ran to my polish rack and my eyes instantly fell on the exact color I needed. The perfect color to show how this polish sparkles like crystals on, oh, I don’t know, let’s say…AN ICONIC PURPLE JUMPSUIT.

floss gloss selena jumpsuit nails

Selena Corpus Crystalina over Sally Hansen’s Plum Luck

BEST IDEA I’VE EVER HAD!!! I was doing this manicure, and I was dizzy the whole time. That’s how giddy I was over my idea!! Like, shaking with excitement! Selena has a really special place in my heart. It’s so tragic we were never able to see how far she could go. She was so talented, beautiful and charismatic…I’m choking up. I can hardly even watch the movie without bawling my eyes out the whole time. When Selena and Chris see each other for the first time, after his makeover, and they instantly fall in love, it’s more romantic to me than anything else I’ve ever seen!

floss gloss selena jumpsuit diptich

AUUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!! PERFECT!!!!

I was planning on only doing one hand since I have other colors to swatch, but now that I see it, there’s no way I’m doing that. I am fully doing the other hand, at least for the weekend. The only reason I haven’t done it yet is because I wanted to rush in here and show you guys what I did.

I love this polish. LOVE IT. It has enabled what might possibly be my greatest manicure of all time. Who knows when I’ll have another idea as good as this?

I did not set out to create amazing Selena tribute nails when I woke up this morning. Clearly, the angels have touched me today.

Buy Selena Corpus Crystalina by Floss Gloss HERE.

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Maintenance, Nails, Nails Inc.

Nails Inc. Kensington Caviar Base Coat

nails inc base coat

Sephora, $10

I’ve never had loyalty to a base coat like I do to my beloved top coat. I sort of just pick up whatever tickles my fancy at the time, and use it until I need a new one. A base coat has to be really bad or really good for me to notice any kind of difference between brands. Since I’m writing about this base coat, that has to mean it falls under one of those two categories.

Drumroll!!

It’s REALLY GOOD!!

I bought this on sort of a whim during the Sephora Friends & Family sale a few weeks ago. I was scraping the bottom of the barrel on my old bottle, and I was looking for something well reviewed that wasn’t too expensive. This Nails Inc. Kensington Caviar base coat easily fit the bill. I’ve been wearing it for nearly two weeks now, and it far exceeds any expectations I had.

I wore it under a highly pigmented, creamy black polish last week, and my manicure looked chip free for nearly the whole week. That’s pretty good. Through dishes, lots of typing, thoughtful/nervous/compulsive head scratching, and all my everyday dog and husband stuff, it held on. It also lasted through my cuticle chewing. Between the spit and the teeth scraping, most base coats give up the goat there, so the tops of my manicures are usually the first places to show chipping. I know that’s gross, and I’m sorry. It’s just one of the best ways I can illustrate the strength of this base coat.  It’s also the reason why I think I don’t catch common sicknesses very often. I always have my fingers in my mouth, so I think I’ve built up an immunity to, like, the germs that are on escalator handrails. OR, that could be how I caught Whooping Cough a couple year ago. I don’t think so though. I’m pretty sure I caught The Whoop from a coughing hooker who sat on the bench next to me inside a laundromat in Hollywood. She was not big on covering her mouth when she coughed.

Anyways. I didn’t mean to take you guys on a guided tour of my medical history there. You know how these things go, set out to write about a great base coat, end up telling everyone about the time you got Whooping Cough! That old chestnut.

Besides the great grip this base coat had on my polish, it also kept the color from staining my nails way better than my old base coat did. The black I was wearing stains like crazy, but it didn’t touch my nails. The skin around my nails was a mess when I took the polish off, but my nails were pretty clean.

Since I removed the black polish, I’ve been wearing the base coat alone. It dries really shiny, and it has a light pink color that looks pretty without anything else.

nails inc base coat swatch

If there’s a way to photograph your fingers WITHOUT them looking like sausages, I haven’t found it. 

Lovely! As you can see, my nails are pretty long and strong right now. I’m chalking that up to this base coat too. The consistency of it is unlike other base coats. It isn’t thin, it’s sort of thick and almost gelatinous. I like that! It makes me feel like my nails are getting a good treatment. After making sure my nails were good and clean, I used two coats of base coat, and put it underneath the tips of my nails, too. I don’t know if it’s the caviar element, or what, but my nails aren’t splitting on the sides like they usually do when they get this long. I keep accidentally jabbing them into things, and I feel them bend, and I think they’ll for sure have a tear on the side, but I’m always wrong! It’s great! Despite the relative thickness of the formula, it goes on easily without any dragging or unevenness. It dries quickly to a super smooth finish that really makes a great, even base for your manicures.

Base coats are important if you want to maintain your at home mani. Don’t skip this step! If you don’t use a base coat, start using one. You’ll see a difference!

I love this base coat. I think you’ll love it too, especially if you have problems with nail breakage. I’m totally going to buy it again!

Buy Nails Inc. Kensington Caviar Base Coat HERE.

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Floss Gloss, Nails

New Floss Gloss!!

floss gloss gangsta boo

KARMALOOP exclusive, $8

NEWWWWWW FLOSS GLOSS ON THA SCENE!! I don’t have it yet. I want it though! This color red is very underrepresented in my polish collection. I want sexy lady nails! Come to me, my sweet…..

Buy the Floss Gloss x Gangsta Boo Collector’s Edition polish HERE.

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Floss Gloss, Nails

Floss Gloss Halloween Nails!

halloween nails knife

Water spots on my knife! THE HORROR…THE HORROR…

Happy Halloween, BOOS!!

Is everyone ready for tonight? We are! I went to Target yesterday and bought a giant bag of 425 pieces of Wonka candy. I thought I was being smart by buying candy we wouldn’t eat, but that plan backfired when I found out there was no such thing as candy we wouldn’t eat. Oh well! If the trick or treaters want a shot at anything besides banana Laffy Taffy, they should start showing up NOW. I can’t guarantee the Sweet Tarts will make it to nightfall.

In the spirit of the season, I decided to go outside my usual nail zone and add a little gore to my digits. Floss Gloss inspired me on Instagram, and I used this tutorial from Honestly WTF to learn how to do the bloody drips. It’s not as hard as it looks, but it takes a minute. I sat at the table for half an hour doing the tips without even realizing it.

halloween nails both hands

Weirdly, the hand I painted with my dominant hand sort of got away from me. But, that’s something cool about this look, if you fuck it up, it’s kind of hard to tell.

halloween nails 2

Floss Gloss’ Moon Baby and Blood, Suede & Tears

halloween nails

I used all Floss Gloss colors for this look; Moon Baby for the base, and Blood, Suede & Tears for the tips. Such an awesome combination! Moon Baby is a gorgeous icy background, and Blood, Suede & Tears couldn’t look more like dried blood. PERFECT!!!

The tutorial explained the art really well. I used little puddles of polish on a paper plate and a bunch of toothpicks to make the process a little easier. Two things about doing this nail art that are important though: One, wait until your base color is COMPLETELY dry. If you don’t, you’ll make a huge mess. Two, when you draw the lines that connect the blood drop to the nail tip, don’t apply pressure to your toothpick. The line won’t come out, you’ll split the polish right up the center. Lightly drag the tip of the toothpick instead of actively drawing with it. I learned that one after struggling with the first nail.

The tips were actually sort of a mess when I was done, but, thanks to my Seche Vite top coat, you can’t tell. That top coat is really the best. Besides its super fast drying time, the formula smoothes and covers a multitude of sins. Clumps, streaks, uneven edges, all fixed by my top coat.

I’m pretty proud of myself for attempting something new that could have very easily ended with my fingers a giant mess. I guess it could have gone either way, trick or treat. Luckily, it ended up being a treat! I love my festive nails right now!

Enjoy the day, ghouls and boys! Since I can’t give you candy through your screens, please enjoy these sonic Halloween ear treats.

Buy Moon Baby and Blood, Suede & Tears HERE.

Buy Seche Vite top coat HERE.

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BODY-ODY-ODY, Nails, Unsolved Hysteries

Unsolved Search Hysteries, Volume 2

unsolved hysteries

One of the best things about having this site is getting to see the summaries of search engine terms that bring people to the Lab Bunny every day. In this grab bag of internet psyche, some of the searches are hilarious, some are disturbing, and some are actually decent. Here are some little quickie answers to help with these UNSOLVED SEARCH HYSTERIES!!

trader joe’s coconut body butter ingredients

WHOA. I just flipped over my jar to check the list, and it is EXTENSIVE. Here we go…

purified water, cocos nucifera (coconut) oil, cetyl alcohol, caprice/caprylic triglyceride, glyceryl stearate se, glycerin, stearyl alcohol, butyrospermum, parkii (shea) butter, aloe barbadensis leaf juice*, salvia sclarea (clary) extract*, tocopheryl acetate (vitamin E), citrus grandis (grapefruit) fruit extract*, yucca schidigera extract*, dimethicone, citrus aurantium dulcis (orange) peel extract*, rosmarinus officinalis (rosemary) leaf extract*, althaea officinalis root (marshmallow) extract*, cymbopogon schoenanthus (lemongrass) extract*, carbomer, centella asiatica extract*, chamomilla recutita (matricaria) flower extract, polysorbate 20, humulus lupulus (hops) extract*, sodium benzoate, disodium edta, citrus medica limonum (lemon) peel extract*, equisetum arvense extract*, vaccinium myrtillus fruit/leaf extract, fragrance ethylhexylglycerin, phenoxyethanol, sodium hydroxide, potassium sorbate (*certified organic ingredients)

You guys. Where am I? Are those real words? If anyone wants to know what those words all mean exactly, I can’t help with that. Consult your local Wikipedia.

is the neutrogena wave a vibrator

Anything can be a vibrator if you want it bad enough! But, yes. It’s definitely a vibrator.

i cut thru my nail bed with a razor can i super glue it

OH MY GOD ARE YOU OK?! I don’t know for sure if you can do this! Maybe? Super glue is used in a lot of medical offices in place of stitches, so, yeah, maybe. Nail glue is practically super glue, so I don’t really see why not. If you’re just trying to glue your nail back together, that’d probably work. I’d be afraid that my nail would always be stuck to the nail bed right there, and it would never grow out. But, what the fuck do I know?

do nail wraps look cheap

Some do! The wraps from NCLA don’t! Those are my favorite wraps right now. Every design I’ve bought has looked sharp and clear. I mean, they have this set, Seeing Signs, that actually looks like hundred dollar bills. So, yeah, those look really expensive!

smeared lipstick on a dick

Come on, man. What a waste of lipstick. Is this what you perverts are using the internet for?! Al Gore must be rolling over in his grave!

big boobs lush pubes

Put it on my headstone.

*****

Keep on Googling with one hand, weirdos! I SEE YOU.

 

 

 

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