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Stranger Danger

You know what I love? Compliments from strangers! But, I have this weird thing wrong with me, where if someone tells me something nice about myself, I immediately have to tell them why they’re wrong. Case in point: Yesterday, an older lady at the movies told me she thought my hair was, “Fabulous. Just fabulous!” I told her thank you, then I told her it was so much more work than I had anticipated. She laughed, and said, “It looks just wonderful.” And I say, “Ugh! You should see my shower!” (YOU SHOULD SEE MY SHOWER?!) She goes, “Well, you didn’t have to tell me that,” and then she briskly walked away! I, like, feebly said thank you to her again as she was running away from me.

What a weirdo, right? Me. Not her. She was right to run away.

Right now, it’s my hair. The second someone tells me they like it, I show them where my roots are showing. You like my makeup? Oh, that’s nice! Let me tell you about how I’m sweating all of it off, and, also, have you seen my mustache? What’s that? I just look nice today? Thanks! I think I look terrible, and I would like to provide the counterpoint to your compliment.

I’m trying to tell myself to just say thank you, but it’s hard! I don’t know what my deal is? Whatever it is, it probably comes from the same place inside me that forces me to do comedy routines for nurses and dental hygienists. I’m compelled by forces that I can not contain!

Does everyone do this? Why do I have to tell everyone how shitty I look? I mean, if I really look shitty, they probably already know, right? Why is it so hard to just accept something nice? What’s my problem?

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