My Sephora Friends & Family order is out for delivery today and I am EXCITED.

After my sad lament that the sale was only for VIB status cardholders, I was thrilled to open my email and find out my friend, Click, had sent me a code for the event. The note on the email said, “BAM” and yeah, BAM!!

Now, I don’t want to be gross and, like, “women be shoppin,” but, sometimes, ladiez be shoppin! Can I get an amen?!

I shopped for days trying to figure out the best way to get the best bang for my buck. It’s kind of tough because where I used to just cosmetics shop for me, now I cosmetics shop for this site. For the world, really.

You’re welcome, world.

So, this lady be shopping, and I end up torn between buying a blush that’s been out for three years because I want to try the color, or, buying a blush that’s new and hot right now. It’s the story of my life, do what I want or be trendy. Can I tell you how many times I’ve picked trendy over do what I want? No times. Well, hardly ever any times. Would you like to see the shoes I picked for myself in grade school?

JAZZ FEET

Blazing that glitzy trail! Pretty far ahead of the times, right? Do you know where I found a bunch of pictures of these shoes? Etsy and Ebay. Some hipster girl with a handlebar mustache is likely bidding on my childhood mistakes right this second. She’s like, “Oh. These shoes will look great with my sunflower print overall shorts!” Which is probably the exact thing I thought. And the cycle continues…

Back to the blush! I ended up buying the newer blush. I’m weak. But, I’m still excited for it! It’s a berry color, so I thought that would be pretty for winter. I don’t have any blush that color, all my blushes are pink or coral. My hope is that it will make me look like I’ve been out, tussling in the icy air, but, there’s a chance it will make me look ghoulish – that’s cool too, though. If it does, I’m going to make sexy winter ghost a thing. Sexy winter fog ghost. I’m going to make that one up as I go along because my winter experience is not extensive. I live in Southern California. We don’t really have winter. I wore a tank top to Thanksgiving last year.

Once, it snowed here in the middle of the night, and when I woke up and looked out the window, I thought something had gone wrong with my vision! Nobody could go to work that day because it was too dangerous, but we were all able to drive around and look at the snow. Literally thousands of pictures of snowcapped palm trees were taken that day. We still talk about it – The Great Snowstorm of ’99. The snow only lasted for one day, but, that was long enough to pull together some dingy looking snowmen. It was also long enough for me to learn I never want to live somewhere that gets snow on the reg. It’s far more preferable to be able to wear sandals all year. My aversion to inclement weather is so great, I don’t even know if we have an umbrella! I think we have a travel umbrella around here somewhere. One travel umbrella for two people; that’s our emergency rain plan. I fall apart in the cold, but if you ever need someone to endure multiple 103 degree days in a a row, I’m your girl. The sun makes me strong. *MUSCLE ARMS EMOJI*

I’ve been tracking my delivery like it’s a kidney. I just want it to show up! It’s bad enough I have to set up and photograph everything before I can use any of it. Must I endure this horrendous wait as well?! *BLERG! EMOJI (YOU KNOW THE ONE. IT LOOKS FRUSTRATED AND IT HAS AN UPSIDE DOWN OPEN MOUTHED SMILE)* I’m wearing headphones while I type right now, and I still keep thinking I hear UPS outside. I need to step away from the window and go do something with my life. I’d like to go wash all my makeup brushes, but the sink is full of dishes and I would *not* like to wash all of those. Unless, doing a good deed will make my order get here faster? Like, the universe will reward me for clearing out the sink with my Marc Jacobs lipstick? Is doing your own dishes a good deed? Tis the season for good deeds, right? You know? Good deeds? Something like, looking at your grandma’s pills, but not taking any. Or, blocking a family member’s idiot updates from Facebook before you lose your mind and never talk to them again. I’ve done both these things, so I’m an angel come to earth, you guys.

I’m going to wrap this up and try to be patient and wise about the whole thing. Like the old adage says, “A watched pot never boils, and an anticipated UPS truck takes fucking forever to get to your house even if the last tracking update says it was out for delivery at 5:00 AM.”