Ask Jane Marie

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Jane Marie, one of my favorite personalities, beauty or otherwise, has a new beauty advice column at Rookie, and you should check it out! Jane is THA SHIT. I’ve been loving her work over at The Hairpin forever, and I was sad when she left. So, I’m super excited to see her popping up at Rookie! 

Jane is rad. I love her whole everything! Her beauty videos at The Hairpin are especially great. Seriously, you’ll fall in love with her! Her videos are what made her part of my imaginary friend crew. I watch them, and then, it’s nothing but shopping montages and imaginary hip-hop slumber parties with Jane and Mindy Kaling in my mind….

Check out Jane’s new column at Rookie HERE.

And, check out her work at The Hairpin HERE.

Accessories, Floss Gloss, Hex Nail Jewelry, Nails, Personal




When I stay up too late, I get brilliant. When I get brilliant, I envision and order Beyonce themed necklaces from one of those custom name necklace websites. Less than two weeks later, BAM, my dream has come to fruition.

serfbort gif

I have some badazz Beyonce themed nail decals on the way, but until I get them, my “Diamond” charm from Hex Nail Jewelry makes for a good Bey referencing manicure (THIS DIAMOND. MY DIAMOND. THIS ROCK. MY ROC.).


GAH! Once I get going on that, it’s pretty hard to stop.

I’m wearing Floss Gloss’ new color, for Spring 2014, “Lean,” and it’s just as gorgeous as I was hoping. This whole set up I have going on today is a BOSS one. You know when you got some good shit, and you feel all proud of yourself? That’s me right now. Also, in the sprit of “Drunk in Love” I totally have a hickey in that photo up thurr. I cropped it out. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Buy the “Diamond” charm from Hex Nail Jewelry HERE.

Buy “Lean” from Floss Gloss HERE.

Coastal Scents, Eyeshadow, Fave Looks, How-To, MAC, Maybelline, Urban Decay

Double Trouble – Maybelline Color Tattoo Shadows in Barely Branded and Tough as Taupe

 color tattoo looks diptic

I’ve been working on this post for days! I’ve just been really distracted with, like, the Olympics, and learning to play ping pong, and I’ve had on pants and a bra SO MUCH this week, which is really, very unusual. Being seen in public a lot = less time sitting in front of my laptop. Also, I think I was telling myself this post might suck and second guessing myself tons, so I was making everything more difficult. That’s just maybe laziness disguised as self esteem problems, though. I don’t know! I guess you guys will be the judge. If it sucks, I was right, and if it doesn’t suck, I’m maybe lazy, or I maybe have self esteem problems, or, maybe both. Let’s find out!

Last week, I finally got around to grabbing a few of those Maybelline Color Tattoo cream shadows, and now I am OBSESSED. I hate that I’ve been not buying them all this time! They’re so easy to work with, and the color is long lasting. I’ve used them almost every day since I got them, and I have fully planned to buy several more.

Today, I want to show you two looks I’ve done, using the same colors. Since the colors and placement are the same, the looks are similar, but they’re both so pretty and wearable, I had to show you guys both.

Color Tattoo Looks products

These are the colors I used for these looks. We’ve got W.O.S. from Urban Decay’s Naked Basics palette, Maybelline Color Tattoo cream shadows in Barely Branded and Tough as Taupe, and a Coastal Scents shadow in Wild Raisin.

color tattoo looks swatches

L-R: Costa Riche liner, W.O.S, Tough as Taupe, Barely Branded, Wild Raisin

Before I begin, I always use my Urban Decay Primer Potion. Then, on the first look only, I used W.O.S. on the entire lid; just to even out the skin, and to give the cream shadow something else behind it. Now for the fun part!

color tattoo look steps

  1. Using a flatter brush, I applied Tough as Taupe over the lid, just to the crease.
  2. Line the upper lash line and water line with a dark brown or grey liner; I used MAC’s Costa Riche. Smudge the line.
  3. Using the pads of your fingers, gently pat Barely Branded around the edges of Tough as Taupe, blending upwards and onto the brow bone.
  4. Apply Wild Raisin to the crease and the outer corner of the eye, then BLEND THE HELL OUT OF IT.

And that’s it! If you want, you can lightly line your bottom lash line with the liner or the remaining product on the flat brush from the first step. Add some mascara, and you’re done!

color tattoo look 1

Lips: UD’s Naked

Look Two is exactly the same as Look One, except you switch Wild Raisin and Tough as Taupe. So, Wild Raisin will cover your lid, and Tough as Taupe will get blended into the crease. It looks like this:

color tattoo look 2 detail

Lips: UD’s Protest

color tattoo look 2 close

I’ve worn my makeup one of these two ways almost every day since last Friday. I just love how easy and flattering it is! And how awesome is it that these shadows are super cheap? I guess the Naked palette isn’t super cheap, but that color is also sort of unnecessary to the look, so who cares?! I’ve been doing this blog for almost a year, and the one thing I’ve learned is that my makeup snobbery has been keeping me from a lot of good makeup. Maybelline, in particular, has become a new favorite of mine. I never ever thought I’d be searching everywhere for a particular drugstore product like I do with high end brands, but here I am. It’s cool though, you know. Cheap products means more products, and Maybelline is always on sale, AND you can use your Ulta coupons on their stuff. I’m rolling in affordable cream shadows over here!

What do you guys think? Do you have any questions?

Buy Maybelline Color Tattoo shadows basically everywhere.
Buy Wild Raisin from Coastal Scents HERE.


Stranger Danger

You know what I love? Compliments from strangers! But, I have this weird thing wrong with me, where if someone tells me something nice about myself, I immediately have to tell them why they’re wrong. Case in point: Yesterday, an older lady at the movies told me she thought my hair was, “Fabulous. Just fabulous!” I told her thank you, then I told her it was so much more work than I had anticipated. She laughed, and said, “It looks just wonderful.” And I say, “Ugh! You should see my shower!” (YOU SHOULD SEE MY SHOWER?!) She goes, “Well, you didn’t have to tell me that,” and then she briskly walked away! I, like, feebly said thank you to her again as she was running away from me.

What a weirdo, right? Me. Not her. She was right to run away.

Right now, it’s my hair. The second someone tells me they like it, I show them where my roots are showing. You like my makeup? Oh, that’s nice! Let me tell you about how I’m sweating all of it off, and, also, have you seen my mustache? What’s that? I just look nice today? Thanks! I think I look terrible, and I would like to provide the counterpoint to your compliment.

I’m trying to tell myself to just say thank you, but it’s hard! I don’t know what my deal is? Whatever it is, it probably comes from the same place inside me that forces me to do comedy routines for nurses and dental hygienists. I’m compelled by forces that I can not contain!

Does everyone do this? Why do I have to tell everyone how shitty I look? I mean, if I really look shitty, they probably already know, right? Why is it so hard to just accept something nice? What’s my problem?


Happy Galentine’s Day!

Galentine's Day

It’s the day before Valentine’s Day, so you know what that means! It’s Galentine’s Day! The day to celebrate all the lady friends in your life.

parks and rec

So, happy Galentine’s Day my beautiful, rule-breaking moths! My clever, wonderful flying squirrels! My gorgeous, purebred poodles! I’m so thankful for all my fabulous, clever, strong, supportive lady loves! Where would I be without my women? Just swimming in a sea of sausage, I guess. HARD PASS.

Friends, readers, my boos, keep on sparkling you flawless and rare diamonds! Every day is Galentine’s Day in my heart.

Lime Crime, Lips

Lime Crime Velvetine in Pink Velvet

pink velvet + quay

Pink Velvet, Lime Crime, $20, Penelopy, Quay Australia, $39.95

I got a shopping email this morning about bathing suits. This was very stressful for me because it is February, and I was under the assumption that I had at least four more months to lose a million pounds and find totally new thighs before I had to think about swimming attire. What does this mean for swimsuit options in June? And why did I eat all that bread this afternoon?  What will become of the rest of the bread?


So, ok. I’m not ready for a swimsuit yet. I’m ready to think about other summer related things though! Hence the sunglasses. I was just going to lie and say that I was doing a post about makeup and I decided to throw the sunglasses on for fun. Actually, I just wanted to take pictures of my sunglasses. I’ll come clean. This is a safe space, right? I really like to look at myself when I’m wearing these sunglasses, so I paired them with something else I obsess about in the mirror; my Velvetine liquid lipstick from Lime Crime in Pink Velvet.

Lime Crime Pink Velvet Tube

Lime Crime Pink Velvet swatch

This lip product is so rad! It goes on almost like a gloss, but it dries like a stain. I guess you can sort of compare it to how the OCC Lip Tars work, but Pink Velvet isn’t as gooey. It starts out a thin, glossy liquid, but it’s fully opaque in two coats and it dries totally matte.

pink velvet lips

Pink Velvet dries quickly, and once it does, it feels almost nonexistent on the lips. Similar liquid lip products can make your lips feel sticky or all scratchy. This just doesn’t really feel like anything. That’s not to say it’s moisturizing in any way, it’s not. But, it doesn’t make your lips all dry and flaky. Besides being totally sexy, the matte finish is also SUPER long wearing. It will last through pretty much anything! I’ve even had a difficult time trying to remove it on purpose. So, maybe don’t just rub at it forever with toilet paper, you’ll stain the area around your mouth pink and you’ll definitely get toilet paper lint on your tongue. Take it from me, a little vaseline or some oil will take it right off. I use my Badger Damascus Rose Oil to remove it. The oil cleans off my lipstick and it adds some hydration to my lips. It’s a pretty good system, if I do say so myself.

I really love this product. I want the red Velvetine and I am definitely eyeing some of the upcoming colors. I love a lip color that takes care of itself! Looks hot AND, once it’s on, I don’t have to think about it! MAMA LIKE. I am going to plan lots of summer bbq outfits around this Pink Velvet/polka dot sunglasses combo. I am going to eat up all the potato salad and drink all the beer and my lipstick will still look beautiful.


If I’m going to eat all the potato salad and drink all the beer, I’m never going to find a swimsuit I like…


Buy Lime Crime Velvetine in Pink Velvet HERE.

Floss Gloss, Nails

NEW Floss Gloss Resort 2014

Floss Gloss got a new color out this month, it’s a baaaaad mothafucker…

floss gloss lean

Lean, Floss Gloss, $8

I wish you guys could hear me when I’m referencing movies in my posts. It’d make my jokes better, I think. Just reread that first part in a “Day-Day pretending to be Baby D in Next Friday” voice.

This new electric purple polish from Floss Gloss, Lean, does look like a bad motherfucker though. Purple is my favorite color, so I am HERE FOR IT. I want it bad. Real bad. It looks like it wants me to kick winter in the teeth and welcome spring into my life. Which works for me because while the rest of the country is freezing its balls off, here in CA, it was 80 degrees last week! The trees are blooming, and we totally started fire season already. This sounds pretty ok, but it’s not. It’s bad! It’s kind of sad to see the trees all confused, and we’re in a terrible drought, so we’re pretty much under a statewide “Let it Mellow” order. So, yeah. While it’s not technically spring yet, it might as well be! BRING ON THE SPRING COLORS. HELLO TANK TOPS. Let me make the best of a bad situation. If this drought apocalypse goes down, I want this color on my nails to go with the shaved sides of my very butch, super cool new apocalypse haircut. Everybody gets cool new haircuts when everything falls apart. Like, right now, I don’t have my apocalypse hair because of society, but when society crumbles, it’s on. That’s probably when I adopt the eyepatch I always think about, too. An outfit for every occasion!

Obviously, I’d prefer to have this color now, while society still stands. I want to wear it to a party, not a motorcycle fight, or whatever. Right now, I’m broke, so I need us to hold it together until I can buy this polish for myself. Let it mellow, don’t wash your cars, turn the water off while you brush your teeth, whatever it takes! We can do this together!

Buy Lean by Floss Gloss HERE.

Lips, Urban Decay

Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick Spectacular

It’s an extravaganza!!!!!

UD black friday boxes

Urban Decay Revolution Lipsticks, $22 each

You guys remember back on Black Friday when Urban Decay had that amazing lipstick bundle? Six of their fabulous new Revolution Lipsticks for $50? Remember that? Remember how there was a very limited supply, but due to my vast internet shopping experience, fast fingers, and the blinding power of my exposed nipples, I was able to grab one? 


Well, my lipsticks came in and I just hoarded them. They’ve been sitting on my desk all this time, waiting to be photographed and swatched. Getting more and more irrelevant by the second. While some people were yelling at Urban Decay on Facebook about there not being enough lipstick bundles for everyone, mine were unopened. It’s almost enough to make me feel like an asshole. ALMOST. But, I don’t! Those are MY lipsticks, MINE! I’ll preserve them forever if I feel like it!

Am I arguing with someone? This post has become very combative. Sorry!!

The point is, I did not feel like preserving them forever. I felt like wearing them! Let’s look at them!


UD Native

Native is a warm, baby pink. It’s a lighter pink than I would usually try, but I was into it! It’s opaque, but the very light color made it easier to see lines when I pressed my lips together. It’s a pretty sexy color that would work great with a 60s inspired look. AKA my very favorite kind.


UD Naked

Naked was my favorite of the nude colors. It’s a warm, rosy pink, and it’s a total My Lips But Better lipstick. It has great opaque coverage, and didn’t show lines like Native did. I did actually open this one prior to yesterday, and I always love it.


UD protest

Protest is another color I might not have picked on my own. But, Urban Decay knew better than I did. It’s a nude-brown color with a sort of peachiness to it. Honestly, at first I sort of shrugged at the color, but the more I looked at it, the more I liked it. It sort of reminds me of the lipsticks I was wearing in the 90s, but better.


UD jilted

Jilted is an old favorite of mine! I’ve been wearing this color for YEARS, and I love, love, love it in the new formula. It’s an iridescent blue based fuchsia, so of course I love it!! In fact, Jilted might be the color that turned me on to blue based fuchsias in the first place. It’s a really special color because the blue is really prominent, and it looks cool as hell.


UD catfight

Catfight is another fuchsia, but it’s more pink than blue, and it has a red undertone to it. Some people would probably call it red, other people would maybe call it dark hot pink. I think everyone would call it dead sexy. The new UD formula really performs well with their reds, and Catfight is no exception. It’s a super fun color that would look great on a lot of people!

F Bomb

UD f bomb

F Bomb is described as a classic red, but I think it’s a little orangey. For me, this color was the standout of the bundle. I was in love the second I put it on! Again, their formula is a perfect match for these reds. The color payoff is fantastic, the finish is smooth and creamy and the coverage is amazing. I’ve been all about MAC’s reds for a long time, but F Bomb is going into the rotation. This is another red that would look good on a lot of people. It’s cool, but it’s almost warm and I think it’s very wearable. It’s even fantastic blotted down.

UD Black Friday bundle swatches

Urban Decay stepped up their game, did a lot of work on their lipsticks, and they’re a really beautiful, luxurious product now. The sugary fragrance is gone, and the obtrusive dagger handle is gone, but the bold colors we love are there. I adore these lipsticks, and I think they’re really worth the money. The new tube is sleek and easy to store, and the formula is moisturizing and long wearing, with the nudes averaging 3-4 hours, and the reds and pinks going as long as 6 hours.  I put every single one of these lipsticks into my “regular rotation” makeup bag because they are fabulous and basically perfect.

What do you guys think? Is there a UD color you’re dying to try? I really want the super dark ones, but I haven’t picked them up yet.

Buy Urban Decay’s Revolution Lipstick at Urban Decay, Sephora and Ulta.