Floss Gloss, How-To, Nails, SUPER BLACK Lacquer

Fast Fingers

Let’s talk about doing cool nails, quickly. Let’s talk about nail designs that look good even if you aren’t ambidextrous. The nail art on my right hand usually sort of seems like maybe my Nana did it. That’s nothing bad about Nana, she just has terrible handwriting. Always has.

I can swing a fork or a dong with either hand, but not a nail art brush.

Easy Mani #1

floss gloss duo color mani


This mani doesn’t really take longer than just painting your nails one color. You need all your regular mani supplies; base coat, top coat, and the two (or more!) colors you want to use.

  1. Put down your base coat, and two coats of your primary polish color on every finger.
  2. Let it dry for a few minutes.
  3. Take your contrasting edge color(s), and, using the edge of the polish brush, swipe the color at various angles on the very tips of all your nails. Make sure you give the brush a wipe on the edge of the bottle before you put down the color; you don’t want any big blobs of polish. It’s a lot easier to add more color here than take any away.
  4. TOP COAT.

That’s it! After I already put the top coat on this, it occurred to me that these colors would look good with little splashes of gold thrown in, too. So, I got that idea filed away for next time.

Sorry. You guys probably can’t tell, but I just totally took a Kardashian game break. Speaking of nails, I’m kind of thinking I should keep one of my index finger nails really short. Like, the opposite of a long pinkie nail. But, instead of for cocaine, it’s for keeping a fingertip free for tapping on my screen. I’m A LIST, BAYBAY. I gotta keep that fingie sleek and ready for action. P.S. Can I say I have a big problem with one aspect of the game? Namely, D List NOBODIES who criticize me when I call them for a date. Why shouldn’t I get extra points for canceling dates with assholes who tell me my outfit doesn’t look nice enough for them? I can’t imagine any of the Kardashian girls would stick around for dinner with someone who said, “That’s what you’re wearing for our date?”

I mean, this guy, literally, only ever wears this outfit and he has the gall to criticize ME?

kimmie game

Fuck this guy.

I hate him so much. He’s my strongest and longest lasting romantic relationship in the game. 🙁

Easy Mani #2

super black mani

Whip by SUPER BLACK Lacquers

I threw this mani together real late one night. I was gonna get ready for bed, and then I was suddenly struck with inspiration! I gathered up a few things, and slammed this look out in no time at all. I mean, it was FAST. Aside from the normal mani supplies, you need some scotch tape.

I’ve had problems with mani art using tape in the past, but, I think I worked it out this time. Two tips: give the sticky sides of your tape pieces a quick rub on your shirt to unstick the adhesive a little before you put them on your nails, and, only do two or three nails at a time.

  1. Thoroughly and carefully, stick your tape to ALL of your clean, bare nails, covering the tops, leaving however much you want at the bottom for color. Be sure you get the tape flat all the way across. You can gently use an orange stick or a rubber tipped cuticle pusher to smooth down the tape. Don’t forget to leave an edge you can easily grab to pull the tape off when you’re done!
  2. After you have the tape stuck to your nails, apply your base coat, and two thin coats of polish to the uncovered nail areas on two or three fingers.
  3. Then, working quickly and smoothly, pull the tape off your nails. This is where only doing the polish a few nails at a time really comes into play. If you put polish on all ten nails before you pull the tape up, you’ll ruin that straight line. The couple minutes it takes to do those two or three nails is enough time to set the wet polish without it drying too much to pull the tape. Polish and pull the tape off of all ten fingers before moving on to the next step.
  4. TOP COAT. Because you’re adding the top coat to your whole nail, let your polish dry for another few minutes before you add it. I didn’t do this part, and some of the color got transferred up to the bare nail. It was easy enough to clean with some polish remover on a q-tip, but who needs the extra work? NOT ME. NOT YOU. NOT US.

That’s it, guys! Both of these manis got tons of compliments out in the world. We’re about that, right?! If you try them, I hope they work out! I also hope my instructions were clear. If they weren’t, question away!


Buy cool holos from SUPER BLACK Lacquers HERE.




From the mailbag!

suckit says:

“Trying way too hard to be funny and ended up being just plain pointless!”

Thanks for taking the time out of your life to send that, suckit! And congratulations on being my first mean comment!

I have to admit, after my initial, “WHAT THE?!” reaction, I had a hard time working up any kind of hurt feelings over this. If there’s one thing a lifetime of pop culture consumption has taught me, it’s that haters are a sure sign of success.

Successful at what? I’m not sure! I don’t think it really matters!

So, yeah.

adele gif

10days gif

excited kim gif

Sorry you can’t dull my shine, suckit! If anything, you’ve only made me MORE POWERFUL.