Benefit, Eyeliner, Eyeshadow, Fave Looks, How-To, Stila, Urban Decay

SF Smoky Eye

This was the eye look I did on Saturday night before we went out to a party.

SF smoky eye

With the exception of my Stila liquid liner, my mascara, and my white highlight liner, I used all Urban Decay products.

First, I applied UD’s Primer Potion in Eden to my entire lid up to my eyebrows. Second, I used “KINKY” (matte nude) from UD’s Smoked Eyeshadow Palette over my lid to the crease. Third, I used an angled brush to apply “GUNMETAL” (dark grey) from UD’s original Naked Palette to the area a little above my crease and down to the outer corners, connecting in a “V” to my upper lash line. If you want to make your eyes look bigger, creating a false crease a little higher than your actual crease is a way to do it. Third, I used a fluffy brush to wash “TEASE” (taupe) from UD’s Naked 2 Palette over my entire lid, up to the dark grey crease, blending the edges as you go. Then, I picked up a little more of my matte nude color on my fluffy brush, and blended the outer edges of the grey crease. Last, I used “BOOTYCALL” (frosty white-beige) from the Naked 2 Palette to accentuate my brow bone, always blending.

I lined my upper lash line and water line with “WHISKEY’ (dark brown) from UD’s 24/7 Double-Ended Glide-On Pencil, then I lined below my bottom lashes to about 3/4 across, leaving the area near my tear ducts, unlined. I went over the top line and created a winged line with my black Stila liner. Then, I used a white liner to line my bottom water line to also give the appearance of bigger eyes. I finished it off with my They’re Real mascara from Benefit on my top lashes only.

Since this look uses dark colors, I did my eyes before I did my foundation. That way, you can clean up any fallout you have and sharpen up any edges you’d like to define with your foundation brush. I’m not wearing it in this picture, but I did a nude lip.

Add a bun and giant earrings, and you’ve got yourself a look!

Sorry the photo quality isn’t great. I wasn’t taking pictures to put up here, I was taking pictures to check the blending and symmetry. Remember in “Clueless” when Cher takes Polaroids of all her outfits because she doesn’t trust mirrors? It’s like that. Plus, I was showing off and sending pics to my sister. Shame on me! PSYCH! I’m not ashamed.


I Found My Heart in San Francisco

Hey guys!

You guys know when I say “Hey guys!” I’m only ever saying it in a weird Romy from “Romy and Michele” voice, right?

Hey guys.

Thank you all so much for the support, encouragement, and personal stories after my TMI post last week. The love I felt was truly soothing to my raw soul. I was feeling so exhausted, I just really needed to put everything out there.

I’m feeling better now. While I was sick, I got pretty sloppy with my usual medications, and I think that, combined with hardly sleeping for two weeks while I was coughing, just provided a perfect storm for my brain to malfunction. So, while everything was off balance from missing so many pills and being run down by the bronchitis, my depression saw an opportunity and took it, and then I was oversleeping, and that makes you feel extra terrible. Blah.

I’m over explaining things right now. I just like to try and nail down what went wrong, so I can avoid it in the future.

When we lived in LA for a few years, my life was like that nearly every day. That was the longest low period I’d ever had, and now that I’m out of it, it scares me to be back there. I never want to be back to a place where I can accept my illness as a long term lifestyle. Does that make sense? I know I have to accept it as a long term part of my life, but I don’t have to live the life it demands. I want it to bend to my will, not the other way around. Suicide isn’t the only way to give up when it comes to mental illness.

We took a trip to SF for Jason’s work over the end of last week and the weekend, and I used the time to be in a different environment, in a different climate, away from all my usual day to day responsibilities, to try to reset. The change in scenery, and the escape from the stifling heat in a place I feel comfortable was all so helpful. I’d already been back on my Cymbalta, regularly, for nearly two weeks, so things started to level out.

Rowdy Westin SF


While we were there, I got some exercise the first night when the fire alarm went off at 2:00 in the morning, and we had to get out of bed to climb down all 28 floors worth of stairs. And I did it, holding the dog like a GOTDANG HERO. That was more cardio than I’d EVER like to get at any one time, but hey, endorphins are good for you. I spent the rest of my days there, walking around on JELL-O legs, buying myself fancy sandwiches, getting room service, shopping, doing my nails, napping without guilt, reading, watching terrible movies, and just trying to be good to myself, in near solitude. In the evenings, I’d leisurely do my makeup, get dressed, and go out riding in the backs of town cars and Escalades to parties and dinners with Jason and his wonderful, hilarious, and friendly coworkers and bosses. It felt so good to be out of my usual routine.

I made the decision to make all my decisions without judgment. Like, the day I ate Pringles for lunch instead of going to get something because I just didn’t feel like putting pants on, or the decision to eat a cookie that was nearly the size of a dinner plate, or when I went shopping and just bought the things I wanted without hemming and hawing. Giving myself permission to literally do anything I wanted, was the best thing I could do for myself while we were there. My depression gets me locked into this frustrating place of indecision, and my anxiety makes me weigh every possible outcome of everything I do. I gave myself all yes or no options. Put pants on? No. Eat this giant cookie? YES. Rewatch “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?” Yes. Remember, NO JUDGMENT.

Big cookie SF


Overall, I feel so much better than I have the last month. I feel sort of stupid now for letting you all in on what was happening, but I didn’t want anyone to think I was letting this site go. I’m not 100% yet, but I’ve definitely turned a corner.

I bought a bunch of drugstore lipsticks, one Urban Decay lipstick, and some E.L.F. stuff, so that will all be making its way to you soon.

Thank you for hanging with me through this. I promise to try to make it worth your while! And please, if my struggle has taught us anything, let it be that sometimes, you just have to eat the biggest cookie you’ve ever seen and feel pretty fucking good about it. Big cookies taste so much better when every bite isn’t laced with guilt.

EDITED TO ADD: If my struggle has really taught us anything, let it be that reaching out can only help.


Bunny, Interrupted

Rowdy overhead

The view from my pillow.

Maybe you’ve noticed I’ve been slipping. Maybe you’ve noticed my posts have gotten shorter. Maybe you’ve noticed my current face hasn’t made an appearance in a while.

I didn’t think I would write about this. I wanted to keep trying to pull it off every day, but I was so obviously struggling.

You guys want to know what’s really bad for your skin, and totally disruptive to your beauty routine? Depression. Unless your beauty routine consists of dirty hair and infrequent showers, and your ideal skin includes eyelid zits. Then, it’s really perfect.

I am not trying to make you feel bad for me.

I am trying to make you understand.

It doesn’t always look like it does on TV. Depression is not always a blanket pulled tightly around your shoulders while you cry out a rain spattered window. More often, it’s not so much the presence of sadness as it is the absence of any feelings at all. The thing I feel the most is the aches in my neck, the prickling anxiety related knots on my scalp that are sharp and dull and dizzying at the same time – like I’ve been holding my breath for too long, or straining my eyes – the kind of pain that makes you nauseous. But, happiness? Not here. Sadness? I guess. If you want to call it that. But, I don’t.

I’m down.

That’s really the only word for it – down. Most days, I am up. These days, these last couple weeks, I am down. Down underneath. Down below the sunny surface, down into the sucking depths in the murkiness and the muck where only ugly things swim. It is expansive. It is everywhere. It is everything and it is nothing. Being so far down here, the pressure is different, and I am being crushed.

This crushing doesn’t want me to wear makeup, or wash my hair, or put on a bra, or exercise, or write, or look in the mirror. It only wants me to face my own mortality, or berate myself over the dishes in the sink and the uncounted WW points, or sleep. So, I sleep. I sleep during the day, and I wake up tired. I sleep at night, and I’m exhausted in the morning. I am so, so sleepy. My usual forms of self medication aren’t working either; there hasn’t been a piece of pie big enough or an orgasm strong enough to make those synapses fire like they should. All I can do is keep taking my pills, keep trying to drag myself out of the house, keep trying to wake up, keep asking Jason to squeeze me, keep touching the dog’s ears, keep trying to get inspiration from somewhere ANYWHERE so I can keep this site going.

We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled dick talk and lipstick swatch programming soon. I promise not to disappear.

I’m sorry this isn’t funny, or pretty, or whatever.

I am trying to pull through it. Please bear with me.


Beauty Tools, Face, Links

Egg Shaped Sponge Tutorial

The Beauty Department has a REALLY great tutorial on the correct way to use those egg shaped foundation sponges. I mean, I thought I was using mine right, but I’m going to have to reevaluate my technique.

tbd beauty blender tutorial

Click through HERE to read the step by step tutorial. You really need to read it to get it right.

I love my Beauty Blender! They apply lighter than a brush, so they’re really great for anyone who wants a dewy, soft finish on their foundation.


Glowing Green Smoothie

green smoothie

This is our old kitchen AKA photographic evidence of my cool LA life.

OK. So, this isn’t for putting on your face, but what we put into our faces is important too! Pimples are caused by bacteria, but dull, dry and sallow skin can all be caused by poor diet. Put good in, and good comes out. Blah, blah, blah. You guys know all this stuff.

Look, Dr Pepper is my favorite food. I need all the help I can get.

We started making this smoothie because I saw it on TV. We KEPT making this smoothie because it made us feel so good! For a little while, I was having one of these before breakfast most mornings, and everything was running great. I was full all morning, I had more energy, and I didn’t feel so bloaty.

Green Smoothie
Courtesy of: Kimberly Snyder

And thats it! It’s green, so it tastes a little grassy, but the lemon and other fruit juices cut right through, so it’s not bad. I really like the fresh taste of it, actually. It’s pretty easy to get used to, and then, you just want it all the time! This recipe is enough to make 2 decent sized smoothies. If you don’t want to share, you can put the other half into a jar, and then have it the next morning. The prep is a little time consuming, but you could easily chop up most of this stuff in advance. If you chop your apples and pears ahead of time, just remember to add a squeeze of lemon juice over the tops to keep them from going brown. I guess in a smoothie, it doesn’t really matter, it’s just gross.

After being sick for so long, and then eating a bunch of garbage, I really feel like I need to start drinking this again. Like, you get to feel good in your body, and you get to have a smug sense of superiority over anyone who DIDN’T have a million pieces of produce before 10:00 AM. It’s totally worth it!

Hair, How-To, Lab Bunny Mob

Oil Check Yourself Before You Oil Wreck Yourself


I wish I was this coconut.

“I have a question.  How would you use an oil in your hair without your hair looking oily.  I want to start using coconut oil in my hair but HOW?!?!” – Denys

Good question, D! I don’t want you to end up with a greasy mop on top.

When you start using ANY type of oil on your hair, there are two big things to remember that will go a long way towards keeping you shiny pretty and not stringy ugly: First, start with a small amount of oil and work up to more. You can always add extra oil if you need it, but you won’t be able to take care of it easily if you overdo it. Second, you always want to work from the ends of your hair, up. Unless you’re doing a deep conditioning, your roots don’t need the extra oil, but your ends do.

For coconut oil, specifically, use an organic virgin or extra virgin oil. Since it’s solid, you’ll want to melt it, or warm it up in your hands before using it. You can use it in day to day applications by running a small amount through your hair, from the ends to about your ears. Since water repels oil, dry hair works best. The internet says you can use dry shampoo to take care of accidental coconut oil overload, so even if you mess it up by using too much or going to high, there’s still hope.

If you want to use it as a deep conditioner, you can go crazy with it! Glop a whole bunch of it into your hair, massage it into your scalp, really thoroughly coat everything from root to tip, and then wrap it up in a shower cap. If you don’t have a shower cap, you can use plastic wrap. Shower caps are just easier, I always bring them home from hotels. Let the oil sit on your hair for at least 30 minutes, then shampoo it out. When deep conditioning, you can leave your treatment on for as long as you want, really. You can sleep in it if you’re so inclined, although I think that’s dangerous business. I used to do that kind of thing when I was a kid, but that seems like so much trouble now. You can also warm your hair while it’s in the shower cap or plastic wrap with a blow dryer set to low to really help the oil penetrate. I do that when I’m feeling particularly ambitious with my deep conditioners, so, you know, not often. It works though!

With any new beauty treatment/skill, the key is always practice. You might really fuck it up the first time, but probably not the 5th or 6th time. Stick with it, and let me know how it goes!


Sick Girl


Because you can’t run from your past, you guys. And sometimes your past includes Social Distortion, and that’s OK. Plus, I’ve been sick, and on sizzurp, so I make a lot of funny jokes.

I’m finally on the actual road to recovery now. My voice still sounds sexy-froggier than usual, but that’s fun, so it can stay. It’s been really helpful in my Zooey impressions. I fucking kill at that cotton commercial song.

This is me stalling around because I don’t have anything right now!

The only product I’ve tested this week was a new toothbrush. I had to throw my old toothbrush away because it had been in my mouth, of all places.

Like, I finally emerged from my blankets after a week, and the whole operation has fallen apart! My hair is a mess, my legs are hairy, my mustache is twirlable, I haven’t even been able to bring myself to make full eye contact with my eyebrows. Even my glasses are really dirty?!

I feel like I’ve hit beauty rock bottom. I’m starting from scratch here. Dudes don’t understand how much work it takes to maintain all this stuff. I mean, really, one week of disregard for my appearance, and the whole racket goes feral. Where do I start? Probably with my legs, right? Get my razor all good and clogged. Thanks to my black soap, the only thing still working right is my skin. Which is super unusual, since usually when I get sick, I break out pretty bad. And why not? Days of sweating, and rolling my dirty head around my pillow equals chin zits. I usually get crazy dry patches around my mouth and nose from Kleenex and stuff too, and that’s not a problem either. That’s the worst part, right? Not only were you sick, but now you feel like you have to tell people, “It’s not mocos! It’s just dry skin!”

I’m still steering clear of my lipsticks and anything else I could cross contaminate for the next couple days. I can show you guys some cool polish. I’ll be doing that soon.

But, how about this?! If you guys have any questions or need any beauty advice, LIFE ADVICE, send your queries my way! I’ll even keep you anonymous if you want. Leave comments, use the contact form, sext me, come to me in a dream, however you want to do it! I’ll start answering questions here on the site.