From the mailbag!

suckit says:

“Trying way too hard to be funny and ended up being just plain pointless!”

Thanks for taking the time out of your life to send that, suckit! And congratulations on being my first mean comment!

I have to admit, after my initial, “WHAT THE?!” reaction, I had a hard time working up any kind of hurt feelings over this. If there’s one thing a lifetime of pop culture consumption has taught me, it’s that haters are a sure sign of success.

Successful at what? I’m not sure! I don’t think it really matters!

So, yeah.

adele gif

10days gif

excited kim gif

Sorry you can’t dull my shine, suckit! If anything, you’ve only made me MORE POWERFUL.



General, Links


It’s a sad fact of the beauty industry that Women of Color are largely underrepresented. Products like BB creams often come in only one or two, light, colors, foundation shades rarely adequately consider darker skin tones. And “nude” colors? Don’t even get me started. The mainstream beauty industry’s limited offerings are the reason why, for as long as I can remember, I’ve watched my beautiful Latina mama struggle to find cosmetics that suit her complexion. She is a master of return policies, because everything from skin care products to eyeshadows have been troublesome. It makes me feel terrible for her! She has fantastic taste and she deserves to have a wide range of product choices!

Enter DOOBOP!!

We are the premier beauty e-tailer dedicated to multiethnic women.
Disrupting the beauty industry one day at a time.

HELL YEAH!! That’s a revolution, baby! It gives me goosebumps. They have a wide range of  carefully curated hair, skin and beauty products for women of varying hair types and skin tones. It’s a really fabulous site! Since I first found out about it, I’ve been suggesting it all around. I want DOOBOP to stick around, I want DOOBOP to have competition, I want there to be a flood of products catering to WoC. Support and exposure are important for this mission, so I want to get the word out! I told my mom, I told friends, I’m telling everyone! You should too! Help your fellow sisters in beauty out. Be cool!

Check out DOOBOP HERE!

And for funsies, here’s a picture of us back when we were very young:

mom and sarah

Even in the 80s, my mom looked FLY. 


The Charlize Theron Perfume

We often joke that Sephora owes me some commission checks because nearly every time I’m in the store, I end up helping a stranger with their purchase. What can I say? I’m super nosy and also very helpful. I’m probably being annoying, but sometimes I have to step in!

Case in point: I overheard a couple trying to find a perfume on the wall. They kept calling it “the Charlize Theron perfume.” I kept my mouth shut, because an employee was nearby, so I figured they’d be on it. Nope! The couple asked for their Charlize Theron perfume, and the salesgirl was like, “Charlize Theron perfume? I don’t know what that is.” I KNOW WHAT IT IS!! ASK ME!! I’M RIGHT HERE!! But, they asked another girl, who had the same response, but she threw in a shrug for good measure. I couldn’t take it anymore. These poor people were just trying to buy a freaking Mother’s Day present, and they were getting nowhere. “It’s Dior J’adore,” I said to the perplexed couple. By this point, a group of three employees had gathered together to try to figure out the answer. So, I said it again, louder, “It’s Dior J’adore. Charlize Theron is the face of Dior right now, she’s in all the commercials for the perfume.” How do they not know this?! Have you seen the runway commercial?! It’s one of my favorite things ever on TV!

The couple went over to pick out their gift, and the girls at the counter called someone(?) to try to get to the bottom of the mystery. Why? Because every time I said the answer, one of them rolled their eyes while the rest of them ignored me. Like, look, I know you’re very important and official, but I’ve got eyes. After their call to the Sephora oracle, they came over to tell the customers, “It’s J’adore Dior.”


“Ok,” the couple said to the salesgirl. “THANK YOU,” the couple said to me.

What’s the point to this story? I’m a big know-it-all buttinsky, but I know what I’m talking about! Also, that commercial is awesome and beautiful and MEMORABLE.

General, Sephora

Waiting Room

My Sephora Friends & Family order is out for delivery today and I am EXCITED.

After my sad lament that the sale was only for VIB status cardholders, I was thrilled to open my email and find out my friend, Click, had sent me a code for the event. The note on the email said, “BAM” and yeah, BAM!!

Now, I don’t want to be gross and, like, “women be shoppin,” but, sometimes, ladiez be shoppin! Can I get an amen?!

I shopped for days trying to figure out the best way to get the best bang for my buck. It’s kind of tough because where I used to just cosmetics shop for me, now I cosmetics shop for this site. For the world, really.

You’re welcome, world.

So, this lady be shopping, and I end up torn between buying a blush that’s been out for three years because I want to try the color, or, buying a blush that’s new and hot right now. It’s the story of my life, do what I want or be trendy. Can I tell you how many times I’ve picked trendy over do what I want? No times. Well, hardly ever any times. Would you like to see the shoes I picked for myself in grade school?

gold sneaks


Blazing that glitzy trail! Pretty far ahead of the times, right? Do you know where I found a bunch of pictures of these shoes? Etsy and Ebay. Some hipster girl with a handlebar mustache is likely bidding on my childhood mistakes right this second. She’s like, “Oh. These shoes will look great with my sunflower print overall shorts!” Which is probably the exact thing I thought. And the cycle continues…

Back to the blush! I ended up buying the newer blush. I’m weak. But, I’m still excited for it! It’s a berry color, so I thought that would be pretty for winter. I don’t have any blush that color, all my blushes are pink or coral. My hope is that it will make me look like I’ve been out, tussling in the icy air, but, there’s a chance it will make me look ghoulish – that’s cool too, though. If it does, I’m going to make sexy winter ghost a thing. Sexy winter fog ghost. I’m going to make that one up as I go along because my winter experience is not extensive. I live in Southern California. We don’t really have winter. I wore a tank top to Thanksgiving last year.

Once, it snowed here in the middle of the night, and when I woke up and looked out the window, I thought something had gone wrong with my vision! Nobody could go to work that day because it was too dangerous, but we were all able to drive around and look at the snow. Literally thousands of pictures of snowcapped palm trees were taken that day. We still talk about it – The Great Snowstorm of ’99. The snow only lasted for one day, but, that was long enough to pull together some dingy looking snowmen. It was also long enough for me to learn I never want to live somewhere that gets snow on the reg. It’s far more preferable to be able to wear sandals all year. My aversion to inclement weather is so great, I don’t even know if we have an umbrella! I think we have a travel umbrella around here somewhere. One travel umbrella for two people; that’s our emergency rain plan. I fall apart in the cold, but if you ever need someone to endure multiple 103 degree days in a a row, I’m your girl. The sun makes me strong. *MUSCLE ARMS EMOJI*

I’ve been tracking my delivery like it’s a kidney. I just want it to show up! It’s bad enough I have to set up and photograph everything before I can use any of it. Must I endure this horrendous wait as well?! *BLERG! EMOJI (YOU KNOW THE ONE. IT LOOKS FRUSTRATED AND IT HAS AN UPSIDE DOWN OPEN MOUTHED SMILE)* I’m wearing headphones while I type right now, and I still keep thinking I hear UPS outside. I need to step away from the window and go do something with my life. I’d like to go wash all my makeup brushes, but the sink is full of dishes and I would *not* like to wash all of those. Unless, doing a good deed will make my order get here faster? Like, the universe will reward me for clearing out the sink with my Marc Jacobs lipstick? Is doing your own dishes a good deed? Tis the season for good deeds, right? You know? Good deeds? Something like, looking at your grandma’s pills, but not taking any. Or, blocking a family member’s idiot updates from Facebook before you lose your mind and never talk to them again. I’ve done both these things, so I’m an angel come to earth, you guys.

I’m going to wrap this up and try to be patient and wise about the whole thing. Like the old adage says, “A watched pot never boils, and an anticipated UPS truck takes fucking forever to get to your house even if the last tracking update says it was out for delivery at 5:00 AM.”


Unexpected Found Spam Poetry

This spam comment has me mystified. I’ve been clicking over to the spam folder just to read it over and over. It’s like getting an ominous riddle inside a fortune cookie. What does it mean?!

spam fortune

an elaborate system of scheming

an elaborate system of scheming


I can’t even touch the part about the misery that awaited us. What are you talking about, ugg bebe?!




Beauty Tools, General, Personal

That’s my bag, baby!

Check it out, guys! Austin Powers joke! BA-BAM! COMEDY.

So, Jason got me a new makeup bag for my birthday, and I’m doing the big swap/clean right now. I thought I’d run down a list of the things I always have in my makeup bag for you guys. It’s going to be a long list.

makeup bag

I’m doing this on the couch while I watch CONAN. 

Let’s start on the left, and work our way up.

Blushes and Bronzers

MAC Sheertone Blush in “Peaches”

Urban Decay Baked Bronzer in “Gilded”

NARS Blush in “Super Orgasm” (ALL TIME FAVE)

MAC Creme Bronzer in “Beach Bronze”

MAC Mineralize Skinfinish in “Give Me Sun”

MAC Mineralize Skinfinish in “Redhead”


Benefit “They’re Real”

Benefit “Bad Gal Plum”

Concealers, Highlighters and Primers

Benefit “High Beam”

Marcelle BB Cream in “Golden Glow”

Benefit “Watt’s Up”

NARS  Pore-Prime Pore Refining Primer

MAC Select Cover-Up in NW20

Tarte Clean Slate Face Primer

MAC Lustre Drops in “Sun Rush”

MAC Select Moisture Cover in NC20

Urban Decay Lip Primer Potion

Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion in “Eden” (ALL TIME FAVE)

Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion

Eyeshadow Palettes

Urban Decay Naked Basics (NEW FAVE!! Thank you, Click!!)

Urban Decay Naked (the original) (ALL TIME FAVE)

Urban Decay Naked 2 (ALL TIME FAVE)

Foundation and Finishing Powders

Ben Nye Neutral Set


e.l.f. High Definition Powder


Fresh Sugar Rose

Urban Decay Lipstick in “Jilted” (ALL TIME FAVE)

Sephora Lip Gloss Pencil 05

NYX Matte Lipstick in “Indie Flick”

Urban Decay Lip Gloss in “Guys Heart Betsey”

MAC Lustreglass in “Flashmode”

Sephora Collection Color Lip Last #12 “Royal Raspberry”

Revlon Colorburst Lip Butters in “Tutti Frutti,” “Peach Parfait” and “Cupcake”

Maybelline Vivids in “Fuchsia Flash”

Model Co Matte Lipstick in “Peony”

MAC Lip Glass in “Schemer”

OCC Lip Tar in “Queen”

Urban Decay Lip Gloss in “Naked”

Urban Decay XXX Shine Lip Gloss in “Heatherette”

Urban Decay Lipstick in “Naked”

MAC Lip Glass in “Hush, Hush Rose”

NARS Lip Gloss in “Super Orgasm”

MAC Lipsticks in “Honey Love,” “Russian Red” and “Rebel” (Russian Red is MY JAM! ALL TIME FAVE!!)

Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick in “69”

Clinique Almost Lipstick in “Black Honey” (OG ALL TIME FAVE)



Essence Gel Eyeliners in “Midnight in Paris” and “London Baby”

Urban Decay Moondust Eyeshadow in “Diamond Dog”

Stila Magnificent Metals in “Vintage Black Gold”

Urban Decay “Heist”


NARS “Galapagos”

Sephora Collection “Aspen Summit”

Anastasia Brow Powder Duo in “Brunette/Dark Brown”

Lip and Eye Pencils

Cover Girl Perfect Blend Pencil in “Mink”

MAC Lip Pencil in “Burgundy”

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil in “1999”

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil Duo in “Zero/Whisky” (ALL TIME FAVE)

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil in “Flipside”

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil in “Smoke”

Sephora Lip Pencil in “Pure Pinky”

MAC Lip Pencil in “Spice”

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Lip Pencil in “Wicked”

NARS Velvet Gloss Lip Pencil in “New Lover”

Urban Decay Super Saturated High Gloss Lip Color in “Crush”

Stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Eyeliner in “Intense Black”

Sephora Eye Pencil in “Pure White”

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil in “Perversion”


Double barreled pencil sharpener

Eyelash curler



There are a ton of brushes in there, but I’m not going to run through them because I’ve already done that, in detail, HERE, HERE and HERE.


makeup bag finished

TA-DAA!! The finished product!

I’m super stoked because my new makeup bag has an inner zipper pouch, so I can throw all my lip and eye pencils in there and cut out the possibility of a loose lid coming off and smearing color all over everything. This is why I had to wipe EVERYTHING down before it went into the new bag, it was all spotted with liner! Makeup wise, there are few things more frustrating than doing your makeup without realizing you have greasy, black pencil all over your hands. You learn about that mess the hard way when you go to make a tiny adjustment with your finger, and put a black smudge on the center of your perfectly contoured and powdered nose.

These are my ride or die soldiers right HEAH. I use this stuff all the time, it all travels with me, I take the contents of this bag VERY SERIOUSLY. Some of it is always in there, some of it gets cycled out, but the list mostly stays the same. If anything, it just grows. I keep having to buy bigger and bigger bags. I imagine once I get my acrylic drawers, I’ll pare the bag down a little more. But, until then, ALL HAIL MY BAG OF TRICKS.

I hope this peek into my makeup bag is fun for you guys! If anyone has any questions about how I use any of this stuff, or if you want to see swatches of anything in particular, let me know!

Beauty Tools, General, Nails

Pretty Ladies All In a Row

Big home improvement projects happening here over the weekend:

polish rack

These are load bearing polishes.

I’ve always dreamt of having an acrylic wall mounted nail polish rack. I love to see my preciouses there all lined up and pretty. Like, really, you’re supposed to keep your polish in a cool, dark place. But that was not working for me.

polish bin


They were all living in this bin, under our bed, slowly poisoning us while we slept. Probably. Opening that bin was a real kick to the sinuses, like WHOA. You can’t see a thing in there either. When I arranged all the polish in there in the first place, I thought it’d be clever to group them all by color. That lasted about 5 seconds. It feels dumb to tell people they have to put the polish back into the color family from which it came, so I just stood by and let anyone who looked through them put them back wherever. And, come on, what the fuck, like I’m going to dig through there and try and find the small section of silver polish when I need to put something back? No way.

This rack is so much better! It appeals to my warped sense of order that only works on makeup and my underwear drawer. You can’t open a closet in our house without risking a junk avalanche, but my chonies are neatly rolled and tucked away in straight, sexy, rows in their drawer, and my nail polish is arranged by brand. I *think* about rearranging the towel closet a lot, if that counts for anything.

My Farm Boy put up the rack for me, and then I got to work clearing out my polish bin.

I went with arranging them by brand instead of color, and I can not even explain to you how satisfying it was to click them all into place on the shelves. Hearing the literal click of the bottles on the acrylic and against each other while everything matched up and fit just right. Mmm. Heaven! I love it!

I’m going to need to do some reordering soon since I always have new polish in my future. I’m starting to see multiple acrylic racks in my future too….next up, stacked clear acrylic drawers for all my makeup. My train case in my closet is too out of sight, out of mind.

I ordered my rack off Amazon, and we picked up the wall mounts at a hardware store. It all came together pretty quickly!

The only downside is now Jason can see exactly how much polish I have. Too bad I always need more, FOR RESEARCH.

Buy this acrylic display rack HERE.


Anybody want to buy some pinkeye?!

makeup dump

I was just looking around craigslist for a wall mounted acrylic nail polish rack when I happened upon this mess. Someone is trying to sell their old ass pile of drugstore makeup for $50. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! GURL PLZ. Nobody wants to buy those teddy bear bottles of nail polish from you. Just throw it away.

Hey. I get it! We’ve all been there! I have to do a makeup purge at least once a year or things get really out of hand. We’ve all dreamed of getting our money back for these piles of barely or never used cosmetics, but that shit ain’t happening. Give the unopened stuff to friends, dump the rest.

Thems the blue eyeshadow breaks, honey!