Hair, Kitchen Sink Beauty, Moisturizer

Coconut Oil Hair Mask: The Results Show

I know you’ve all been anxiously waiting to hear the outcome of my coconut oil experiment; and we’ll get to that, but first, let’s take a look back on the road to the finale…

There was that time I followed a random idea that floated through my head and told you guys about it,

“I’ve got coconut oil, a hotel shower cap, very dry ends, a mildly ambitious attitude, and last night’s Project Runway.

I’m going to get to the bottom of this coconut oil as hair mask situation for myself. Plus, this is going to be a good way to force myself into taking a shower.”

Then, I played with my phone, watched television and posted pictures on Facebook:

coconut oil mask

Finally, I left us with the million dollar question….

“Is my hair wet? Is my hair greasy?”



And that about brings us up to speed.

The answer?

I was SO greasy, buddy!

pauly shore gif

In a bad way. Not in a Pauly Shore way. Which is a GREAT way.

This just didn’t work out great for me. Some weird stuff did happen though, so I’ll share.

I think the idea to try this out popped into my head because my hair has been through a lot lately. I’ve been swimming a lot, and I have the suspicion that my Suave coconut conditioner is not up to the task of taking care of that sun and chlorine damage. My hair was feeling pretty dry and poofy. My hair is never poofy. But, you could gather it up in a ponytail, and it was like a big clump at the end. GROSS.

At first, I was super stoked about the way the oil was feeling, because it seemed like my hair was really sucking it up. I’d add more, and it would be gone. All in all, I probably used a little over a 1/4 cup of oil in my hair. Is that too much? In retrospect, it seems like a lot. I have a lot of hair though, so maybe it isn’t? I massaged the oil into my scalp, and all down the entire length of my hair, being really generous at the ends. After my head felt saturated, I pulled it up into a shower cap, and waited for about an hour and a half.

As soon as I started trying to wash out the oil in the shower, I knew I had made a mistake. It was pretty readily apparent that my cleansing conditioner was going to struggle with removing the oil. And, whoa, struggle it did. After a little while, there didn’t seem to be any more I could do, so I got out, hoping that meant the oil that was left was there because my hair wanted it. NOPE! The oil that was left was there because I couldn’t wash it. There was a lot of it. Everything from my ears down was slick with oil. It was weird though because it didn’t feel heavy, or even really sticky greasy. You could easily run your fingers through my hair, and it was light. It was greasy though; all piecey and slick. It was strange. I’d never really felt and oiliness like that.

Instead of getting back in the shower, I braided my hair into milkmaid braids and pinned them up. I was still optimistic that, in the end, everything would work out. Now it was like I was having a long term moisture treatment on my hair! How luxurious! I left it like that for about a day, and then I tried again to wash it out.

This time, I used shampoo.

Here’s where another weird thing happened! The second the shampoo went onto my hair, everything tangled up! It was fucking bizarre! It felt like my hair completely flipped from a slick, over greasy, stick straight mess to a rough, tangled, tumbleweed mess. Scrubbing was a nightmare, everything pulled and hurt. Conditioner barely helped. It was a disaster!

And don’t even get me started on the death trap that was my shower floor while all this was happening.

I dried my hair and I was unimpressed. My hair was shinier and softer, but not soft or shiny enough to make it worth all the mess. You can get faster results from a regular deep conditioner.

If you still want to try it, go for it. As usual, your results will vary. Tread very carefully if you have thin or fine hair, and maybe don’t do it if you have somewhere to be in the same day.

So, there you have it. More bullshit that doesn’t work as well as I’d hoped!


Hair, Kitchen Sink Beauty, Moisturizer

Coconut Oil Hair Mask Special Bulletin


Here I am, post mask, and post shower. Is my hair wet? Is it greasy? NOBODY KNOWS.

Second impression: After all that time trying to rinse the oil out of my hair in the shower, the back of my body is feeling very moisturized.

I might have done this wrong, although, I don’t see how. All our questions will be answered in my next post. Isn’t this thrilling? I put off a trip to Target for this!

Hair, Upcoming

Surprise! Coconut Oil Hair Mask!

I’ve got coconut oil, a hotel shower cap, very dry ends, a mildly ambitious attitude, and last night’s Project Runway.

I’m going to get to the bottom of this coconut oil as hair mask situation for myself. Plus, this is going to be a good way to force myself into taking a shower.

First impression: I smell delicious. Makes me want a macaroon REAL BAD.

I’ll report back later!

Hair, Links


I want my hair to look like this, so I’ve been sitting here in front of my makeup mirror for, like, an hour, watching YouTube videos, trying to learn how to french braid. Because nobody ever taught me how to do it, MOM.

My arms feel like they’re going to fall off. How many WW Activity Points will all this exercise get me?

Hair, Personal

The Bangs and The Beard

I remember the first time a set of bangs really hit me. I was in the 8th grade on a school trip to Sacramento, hanging out in some music/head/sticker shop, when I saw her….



A cardboard cutout of Bettie Page sitting next to the register, wearing a sign about punishing shoplifters around her neck, was a shock to my system. It was love at first sight! It wasn’t just the hair, obviously, she’s an icon for a reason. But, her hair is iconic for a reason too.

I left Sacramento a changed woman.

uma pulp fiction

Two years later, when I was 15, I cut my hair like Uma’s in Pulp Fiction, and I kept the bangs until I was 29. Then, I decided I needed to take a break and try life without bangs for a little while. I grew my bangs out, and then grew out the rest of my hair until everything was nearly to my waist. It was like hitting reset on my head!

I didn’t realize how much of my daily routine was centered around making sure my bangs weren’t messed up. I mean, the way I sleep on my pillow, STILL, just out of the force of nearly 15 years of habit, was at the angle least likely to cause crazy morning bangs. So, life without bangs was pretty easy. I didn’t have to really do anything to my hair anymore. I could just let it air dry, and 9 times out of 10, it would look good.

But then, I started getting really bored. I felt like my hair always looked so blah. I’d see some good bangs on TV, and I’d get wistful.

We both have big crushes on The B in Apt. 23. LOOK AT HER! Those eyes, those lips, THOSE BANGS!

The B

Please be our girlfriend, The B. We’ll treat you right.




I went in on Friday afternoon determined to make a change. Besides the bangs, we lighened up my hair quite a bit, and threw in some different tones all over. I NEVER do stuff like that. I like to keep my hair pretty much one color, and that color is, “VERY DARK.” Like, seriously, do not come near me with foils. But, I went for it anyways because what the fuck, right? If we never try new things, we have no way to know if we like them. When it comes to your hair, you just have to jump sometimes!

We even did my hair with my back to the mirror like on “What Not to Wear,” so it would be really extra scary when it was time to turn around! I’m terrible at hiding my true emotions, and there was a very real chance I’d burst into tears if I saw my reflection and thought I’d made a terrible decision.  When I saw that old familiar fringe peeking at me from above my eyes, I was like, “Oh shit,” so I was worried.

My friend dusted the little pieces of hair off my face, took off the cape, spun me around, and then we both lost our minds because it looked AMAZING! I didn’t cry!

I *did* startle the hell out of myself the next morning in the mirror though.

Since I could not stay away from bangs for long, I gave us a cool new couples nickname.

I’m The Bangs.

This is The Beard.

the beard and the baby

The Beard and The Baby

The Bangs & The Beard.

I’m pretty happy with my hair now. I love the color, and it’s nice to have my bangs again. But, we’ll see. I’m nothing if not finicky! The last time I cut bangs I kept them for half my life; but now, I’m not scared to grow them out because I know it isn’t that bad. See! I never would have known that if I hand’t stepped outside my comfort zone and grown them out in the first place!

Full fledged Bangs Sisterhood enrollment is back in effect! I’m a card carrying, lifetime member.

Hair, How-To, Lab Bunny Mob

Oil Check Yourself Before You Oil Wreck Yourself


I wish I was this coconut.

“I have a question.  How would you use an oil in your hair without your hair looking oily.  I want to start using coconut oil in my hair but HOW?!?!” – Denys

Good question, D! I don’t want you to end up with a greasy mop on top.

When you start using ANY type of oil on your hair, there are two big things to remember that will go a long way towards keeping you shiny pretty and not stringy ugly: First, start with a small amount of oil and work up to more. You can always add extra oil if you need it, but you won’t be able to take care of it easily if you overdo it. Second, you always want to work from the ends of your hair, up. Unless you’re doing a deep conditioning, your roots don’t need the extra oil, but your ends do.

For coconut oil, specifically, use an organic virgin or extra virgin oil. Since it’s solid, you’ll want to melt it, or warm it up in your hands before using it. You can use it in day to day applications by running a small amount through your hair, from the ends to about your ears. Since water repels oil, dry hair works best. The internet says you can use dry shampoo to take care of accidental coconut oil overload, so even if you mess it up by using too much or going to high, there’s still hope.

If you want to use it as a deep conditioner, you can go crazy with it! Glop a whole bunch of it into your hair, massage it into your scalp, really thoroughly coat everything from root to tip, and then wrap it up in a shower cap. If you don’t have a shower cap, you can use plastic wrap. Shower caps are just easier, I always bring them home from hotels. Let the oil sit on your hair for at least 30 minutes, then shampoo it out. When deep conditioning, you can leave your treatment on for as long as you want, really. You can sleep in it if you’re so inclined, although I think that’s dangerous business. I used to do that kind of thing when I was a kid, but that seems like so much trouble now. You can also warm your hair while it’s in the shower cap or plastic wrap with a blow dryer set to low to really help the oil penetrate. I do that when I’m feeling particularly ambitious with my deep conditioners, so, you know, not often. It works though!

With any new beauty treatment/skill, the key is always practice. You might really fuck it up the first time, but probably not the 5th or 6th time. Stick with it, and let me know how it goes!

Co-Wash, Hair, No-Poo

Hair Today

I pulled the trigger on my new co-wash hair system last night, and it went pretty good!

First, before I even got in the shower, I, like, thoroughly brushed my hair with a big paddle brush. I always do this before I wash my hair. It’s my desperate attempt to cut down on the amount of hair I have to feel creepily sliding down my body in the shower. Judging by the Andre the Giant sized merkin in my drain right now, it might not work, but I do it anyways.

After I got my hair as wet as I could, I glopped a big puddle of my Suave Coconut Conditioner in my hand, and went to work on my roots. Working in sections, I scrubbed and scrubbed my scalp with the pads of my fingers, stopping to add more conditioner when I needed it. I tried to use as much conditioner as I felt was necessary to really clean my thick, longish hair. It was a lot, but what do I care? The family sized bottle of Suave cost $1.88. The need for so much product was one of my biggest problems with the Wen system. There was no way the bottle they sent was going to last me a month, and it cost $30. I’m sorry, but one of the reasons I went to beauty school was so I’d never have to pay $30 for a bottle of shampoo again.

When I felt like my scalp was good and clean, I added a little more conditioner and worked it through the length of my hair. I let it sit for a minute, then I rinsed my hair really well. From what I’ve read, the rinsing part is really important because you need the motion of the water to pick up the dirt and grime and carry it away since it doesn’t get stripped out by shampoo. Or something like that. I don’t know. I rinsed the shit outta my hair!

Then, I sprayed the apple cider vinegar/water mixture onto my hair, pulled it through with a wide toothed comb*, let it sit for a minute, and rinsed it really well.

I went to bed with my hair wet, and when I woke up this morning, it looked pretty good!


Please excuse my new mystery bruise and my, once again, makeup free face.

My waves were really wavy and defined, my hair has lots of volume, and everything is pretty shiny.

UM. I just remembered I didn’t put any moroccan oil on my hair last night, and that makes this morning’s outcome even better! I was going to say it looks like it usually does when my hair dries on a really good day. But, my hair drying like this with no additional product is pretty amazing! That’s the dream, right? Hair that looks good all by itself. Like, you could walk out of any situation and look fucking gorgeous because your hair just IS fucking gorgeous.

Honestly, you guys, even if today is a fluke, and I ultimately end up with a disgusting greasy head and a jones for shampoo, I won’t care. I love doing stuff like this. It’s so much fun. And besides, I’ll never know if it works if I don’t try it! That’s my motto. Worked out for me with Weight Watchers and vodka, why not co-washing?!


*You really shouldn’t put any combs or brushes in your hair when they’re wet. I was just checking to see if the vinegar was really detangling like the internet said it should. It was.