Melody Ehsani X NCLA Nail Wraps, Wax Print, $16

I was kind of feeling over nail wraps. In theory, I’m into it, but I don’t know. Some of the patterns and prints are aight, they’re just never what I want to have on my nails. I mean, I have a few wraps in my stash that I’ve never even opened. I was saving them for the right time, and now I don’t even want leopard nails!  You’re welcome for my money, Sephora.

It had been a long time since any nail wraps caught my eye; not since the gold foil Minx wraps I bought to wear last October were sort of a mess.

Since then, I’ve just been doing plain nails, in cream colors. No shimmers, no glitters, no nail art.

But, oh mama. I saw these Melody Ehsani designed wraps and I feel in so much nail love! I was picturing a whole summer’s worth of hot nails when I placed my order for two different styles.

They shipped out fast, and they were at my door within a week. The printing on these wraps is really good. A lot of the designs are graphic, and nice clear, sharp lines make sure none of the patterns look smudged or cheap. These are a couple dollars more expensive than nail wraps typically are, but you get more wraps (44) than you usually do, so it’s fine.

I took them with me to my last nail appointment, and had the little badass that does my nails put them on for me.

We applied them over my Sally Hansen Diamond Strength Base Coat, and finished them with my Seche Vite Top Coat. They were a little tricky to put on because the point of my nails is sort of severe right now, and that makes it hard to smooth out the tips without creasing. But, after a couple fingers, she was able to put them on smoothly. She said they were nice wraps, they were easy to work with, and once you got into the routine of the application, they were fast to apply. We were able to easily trim them to fit my nails too, so we weren’t totally constrained by their existing sizes.

I call this pose, “Gripping Two Corn Dogs.” It’s one of my hand model specialties.

Ummm. FUCKING NAILS DID, RIGHT? They’re so cool, they’re distracting. Like, all I’m seeing is my own hands right now, and all other life is secondary.

EXHIBIT A

Actual real photo that I took last night of my own nails in Jason’s beard because I thought it would look like my hand was in some pubes, and it totally does. Haha! It’s so gross! I’d like it if my friends with bearded husbands would take their own versions of this picture and send them to me. TXT ME U GUYS!

But the point is, I noticed this only because I was staring lovingly at my own hand while I was lovingly stroking my husband’s face because my nails are soooo hot! It’s probably not great to admit that you can so easily be driven to distraction by yourself, but it’s the truth. That’s how I know when something is so right! If it’s right, I’ll model it to myself for days.

I’ve had them on for four days now, and I’m only seeing a tiny bit of lifting at the top of one nail. The edges are all holding up well to my constant picking, typing, dog scratching, husband pinching, and impatient tapping.

I’m really happy with these wraps. They look rad, and the quality is great. I’m super excited about the other one I bought! I really don’t see these languishing in my nail bin for years.

Buy them HERE.

You know that thing where you do your nails, wait a couple hours, then go to bed because you think they’re dry, and in the morning you wake up to find out you were wrong, you wasted all that time, and now your nails look terrible so you just cry out of sheer frustration because it’s like WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS THIS MY LIFE?

You know what I’m talking about?

It sucks, right?

There is a solution. A real solution. You already know you can’t sleep with your hands perfectly still on top of your blankets, so it’s not that. It’s not ice water (that gets you gummy smudged nails), it’s not olive oil (that gets you greasy smudged nails), it’s not cooking spray (see olive oil), it’s not even those old timey nail dryers like the one I had when I was 12.

It’s Seche Vite Dry Fast Top Coat.

I’ve been using this top coat ever since the first time my mom brought it home from the beauty supply when I was in high school. It’s very shiny, super strong, chip resistant, and it dries your nails so fast that I don’t even remember the last time I had sheet marks in my mani. I love this top coat so much, I take it to the salon with me when I get my nails done.

I got this manicure done, using Seche Vite, on the morning of May 3rd. That’s almost two weeks of washing dishes, showering, typing, chewing on my cuticles, night terrors (COBRAS!), and dog scratching. I have a little growth at the top, and some minor tip wear, but overall, it’s still pretty intact. And from far away? They look really good!

If you’re like me, you don’t get gel polish because you want the option to change your nails frequently. AND, if you’re like me, you also want the option to just be lazy and let your nails go for a long time without them looking completely disgusting. This top coat, with its fast dry time and long wearing finish, is a really great alternative to gel coats and shellac type manicures.

I can’t recommend it enough. Like I said, it’s not a new product, I’ve been using it for years, but I don’t feel like I should rest until everyone knows it exists.

Buy this top coat HERE.

Damn, that’s a good price too! It’s usually twice that!

Years and years ago, the first time I asked my homegirl/manicurist/salon coworker to do my nails white, she told me no. She told me it was going to look ugly, and that she didn’t want to have any part of it. We had disagreements like this all the time. When she finally did it, after I swore she’d bear no responsibility for the outcome, she looked at my AWESOME nails and had to admit they looked dope as hell. Like, a month later, I randomly found a little blurb in a magazine about white nails being a new trend to watch for, and I was all, “I TOLD YOU! IN YO FACE!” So gracious, as usual.

I love to do my nails white. I encourage other people to do their nails white. I think it looks just as cool as my good old favorite nail color, black.

Last week, I had an upcoming nail appointment, and I was trying to figure out what I was going to have done. I saw this photo of Kate Moss for Vogue UK June 2013, and I knew I wanted my nails like that!

I had my nails did professionally, but you can tackle the look at home. Doing your nails like this does involve more patience than most other colors. It’s really easy to end up with streaky or chalky nails. You really have to be careful to apply your polish a little on the thick side and very evenly, letting it dry in between coats.

Making my nails look like Kate’s is about the best I can do. I’m not even saying I can get my fingers to look like hers. I am saying just the nails. Her hands are all graceful and skinny; I am working with los chorizo fingers.

Observe.

Pretty cool, right? Please don’t look at the ugly damage I’ve nervously picked into the sides of my fingers. Ignore that completely. That doesn’t concern you!

Coming soon: The cute Cynthia Rowley Band-Aids I had to buy to cover my gross fingers, so I’ll leave them alone FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

For some reason, white nails can befuddle some manicurists. A friend recently told me that when she asked for an all white manicure at a chop shop, they were confused that she didn’t mean she wanted a French manicure. A FRENCH MANICURE?! WHAT?! WHY?!

I mean, THAT is a confusing choice.

Make it happen! Sally Hansen White Out, $2.99