So, I’m sitting here watching “Daredevil,” and, it occurs to me that I am the true daredevil because I am currently giving coconut oil as a hair treatment a second chance. I haven’t washed it out yet, so, to put it in daredevil terms, I’m still waiting to see if my suicycle make it over the metaphorical dog doo stick.
Last time I used coconut oil in my hair, it was a reeeeeal shitshow. I used way too much oil, and I doused every strand from scalp to end. I mean I went TO TOWN with the coconut oil. My head was greasy for days. This time, I used just a few tablespoons of the coconut oil mixed with a couple drops of Rosemary oil, and I only applied it to my scalp. This coconut oil experiment also has a different hypothesis; I’ve been reading about scalp massage to stimulate hair growth, and, hey, sounds good to me. I’m into oils and massages and sensual things like that. It’s also well documented that I’m very into growing locks so long and luscious that I no longer require tops. I massaged my scalp really well, ran the excess oil on my hands through the length of my hair, twirled it all up in my trusty claw clip, and now, I’m just letting the oil do what it do. Whatever that is.
We’ll see how things work out when I take a shower. Fool me once, coconut oil! Fool me once.
UPDATE: I was really scared I was going to end up using dish soap to wash my hair like I had to after the time I used too much oil to remove an ill conceived glue-in quick weave, and no amount of traditional shampoo would degrease me. But, I pulled out the big guns AKA my Pureology clarifying shampoo, and there weren’t any problems washing out the coconut oil. Obviously, I can’t tell yet if this really helps with hair growth, but, at least my scalp doesn’t feel all toight and flaky like it often does after I wash and dry my hair. I’m thinking this Sunday night scalp massage might become part of my weekly beautifying treatment regimen. It felt divine, it smelled good, my hair is soft, my roots aren’t greasy, and my scalp isn’t dry. I made it over the dog doo stick!
I’ve been on the fence about whether I’m keeping my hair short, or growing it long, but then Melody Ehsani was on my IG all last week killing the universe with these braids, and I was like, “HELLO, NEXT SUMMER HAIR!” So, I’m off scissors.
I’m going to look so good!
I just keep picturing my own face in all these photos, and I look amazing. Through pure mind power, I’m going to get my hair super long by next summer. It’s important to have goals!
Look at your girl! She got up on time this morning, and worked it out for y’all! I didn’t just do makeup, oh no. I made a hair tutorial, too.
WHO AM I?!?!?
I’m the shit.
What I’m not, is a good hair doer. Like, these big donut buns have eluded me because my hair is sort of short and full of layers. That was a bummer because I do love a bun. All bunz. Lucky for me, laziness and frustration breeds ingenuity, and I figured out a way to make it happen without all the arm killing rolling, and without my layers sticking out everywhere.
Since I’m not big on hair that takes a lot of time and effort, this tutorial is suuuuper easy. Like, the whole thing will take you less than five minutes. All you need is two big hair ties (rubber bands?), a hair donut, and a bunch of bobby pins. CHECK IT OUT.
STEP ONE
Pull your hair up into a high ponytail, securing it with a rubber band. Pin up any stragglers that fall down in the back. Then, pull your ponytail through the donut, and settle it against your head. Make sure you use a larger donut, since we won’t have the volume you get from rolling all the hair into it.
STEP TWO
Pull the hair from your ponytail down over the donut. Making sure to evenly spread it all the way around the donut, so none of the mesh is showing.
STEP THREE
Take another large rubber band and pop it over the donut to hold the hair in place where you want it. As you can see, sometimes this takes a couple tries to get the right angle. Make sure everything is smooth, even, and covering the donut.
STEP FOUR
Pull the ends of the hair around the rubber band to cover it, pinning it in place as you go. If you need to, you can stick pins up into the donut. It’s super easy.
Pin the hair all the way around, adjusting the bun as you go to make sure everything is exactly where you want it. After that, I like to pull a little hair down in front of my ears just to soften it up. But, that’s up to you.
And that’s it!! It’s so easy!
I like to add a little something extra around the bun, just to make everything look super correct. This is my new twist scarf from ban.do. It has wire inside it, so it pretty much does whatever I want it to do. You can use whatever; scarves, necklaces, bracelets, cute pins or barrettes. I’d say the possibilities are endless, but that’s probably not right. You know what I mean, GO CRAZY!
Was this a revelation for anyone else?! I was so excited when I figured it out!! My normal messy bun isn’t always appropriate for all outfits and occasions. This new option is pretty great.
I gave up, you guys. The real of that blue hair was that it was a lot of work. I mean, it was a hair color that made me want to bleach and scrub my shower, like, twice a week. The twice a week I washed my hair.
This is the second time I’ve brought up my stained shower on this site, I am CLEARLY bothered by it. I can’t just say fuck it about that. I wish I could, but I’m old, I rent, my knees hurt, and I’ve been though enough stuff like this to see when something isn’t going to work.
It wasn’t just the stained tub, though. I got tired of the cold showers, I got tired of the blue fingers and ruined manicures, I got tired of needing to have my roots bleached (OUCH) every four weeks. I got tired of the dirty hair. I got tired of the dirty hair. If it was too much dirty hair for me, that’s a lot of dirty hair. I’d been breaking out a lot on my cheeks and jaw line, and I started thinking that maybe hours of rubbing my face and my dirty hair on the same pillow, every night, might have something to do with it.
Hair that gives me zits when it’s not ruining my tub? Yes, please!
PSYCH.
NOT.
BAZINGA.
Actually, no. No, thank you.
It made me sad, but I had to let it go. It was SO CUTE, I got SO MANY compliments, and SO MUCH attention…it was almost my dream hair. But, my dream hair is easier. My dream hair is all those things, plus it doesn’t make more chores for me. More chores? “More chores” is like “I forgot to eat,” those words are just not in my vocabulary.
So, the search for the perfect ‘do continues! What will it be? More and more I’m leaning towards the idea that it might just be wigs. I do have wig enthusiasm in my blood; my grandma had a whole dimly lit room full of them. Wigs on styrofoam heads and furs. It was a terrifying and glamorous room. I’m probably psychologically damaged by it. Maybe damaged good, like, that weird room turned me into the John Waters loving, dark beauty that I am. OR, damaged bad, like, that room is the reason why I can’t ever stop looking at celebrity autopsies. We’ll never know!
Because I am darling, I am extremely tender-headed. When I was in elementary school, my mom would brush and braid my hair in the morning, and I would cry and whine the whole time. Mexican moms don’t have any tolerance for that shit though, so she would just tell me to suck it up, while she braided faster. Hey. I get it. I’d do the same thing. What are you going to do? Not brush your kid’s hair? She had three girls to get on the bus, and no time for my nonsense. I ran through the braid assembly line just like everyone else.
I’ve never outgrown that delicate scalp. I have to grit my teeth in the salon chair a lot, and, honestly, I hate brushing my hair in my day to day life. Is that wrong? Until a few months ago, it never even occurred to me that I should be brushing my hair every day. It hurts! And sometimes, it makes my hair fluffy. In fact, the one time I do always brush my hair is the one time you’re not really supposed to brush your hair; when it’s wet. I have to though! I don’t want it to dry all tangled. I’m already never brushing it, I can’t start at a complete mess!
We all know brushing your hair while it’s wet is a weird beauty no-no, right? When your hair is wet, it’s crazy prone to breakage. Combine that with the pulling from the brush, and you’ve got flyaways, brotha. You’re supposed to use a wide toothed comb, start from the bottom, and slowly work out all the tangles. It still causes breakage, and it still really hurts!! It’s one of those things that you just do because that’s the way you do it and that’s the way it’ll always be done.
Hair that has been colored like mine has generally had to undergo a huge amount of processing, so it really needs to be handled with care. Because of that, and not at all because I just love to buy new hair products, The Wet Brush caught my eye while I was at the beauty supply picking up some things to maintain and style my new cut and color. The packaging on the brush promised it was, “The Best Detangling Brush Ever!” The girl behind the counter backed that up, saying the brushes were really, really popular. Since this particular beauty supply was a “pros only” shop, that meant that hairdressers were buying them. That was good enough for me!
A few days later, when I finally washed my hair, I got the chance to use my new brush. My hair was wet, it felt extremely delicate, and it was tangled. I tentatively pulled the brush through my hair, and it was fantastic. Fantastic! No tugging, no knots, no breaking sound, no tangles! The brush slid through my wet hair, every time, without any resistance. It’s a dream come true. Really. That may sound dramatic, and I don’t care! My tender dome is legendary in my family, it’s the real deal. A brush that makes this pain free AND keeps my hair from suffering breakage *is* a dream come true!!
The brush itself feels good to use; it’s a nice shape and the rubber coating is great with wet hands. The bristles are really where it’s at though. According to their site, the secret is that the bristles have “intelligent flexibility” so they’re “flexible on one stroke, and firm on the next.” If you say so, Wet Brush! I’m in!
The Wet Brush works great on wet or dry hair. I love it so much, I’ve even started brushing my hair almost every day. Just like the Queen of England!
I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO RIGHT NOW TO GET READY FOR CHRISTMAS. Soooo…this month’s Birchbox review is going to be quick and dirty!
This month’s box came later than usual, but that’s not anything. I just hate waiting! I was really looking forward to the December box, and it had a few really good things in it! Also, the box lid was different than usual, but very, very cute.
Camille Beckman Body Butter – Morelia Monarch Scent
What they said: A handcrafted formal that softens skin with shea butter, sweet almond oil, and glycerin.
What I say: The lotion formula is nice, but the scent is STRONG. I had to wash my hands because I just couldn’t take it. It’s too bad, the formula wasn’t greasy, and it was really moisturizing. But, yikes! Too much.
Klorane Gentle Dry Shampoo with Oat Milk
What they said: Award winning fan fave that absorbs grease and puts the bounce back in second day hair.
What I say: This dry shampoo was a lucky coincidence because my new color means I have to wash my hair less. I used this the day after I got my hair done, and it was really great! It gave my hair great volume, and it looked and smelled so fresh and so clean clean. I really like it! Good get!
LAQA & Co. Lil’ Lip Duo in Bossy Boots (I think!)
What they said: Megawatt color and lip-nourishing vitamin E, plus an easy to wield crayon applicator.
What I say: I’m not sure what color I got because the stick wasn’t labeled, but I think it’s Bossy Boots! Whatever color it is, I really liked this lip crayon. The color was glossy and the formula was moisturizing. It’s fun to use with that easy point and the twist up sharpener.
I wore it for a few hours with minimal wear. And I was chewing my lips because I kept forgetting I was wearing color. I’m an idiot. Real world testing, I guess.
Miracle Skin Transformer SPF20 Face
What they said: This tinted hydrator color corrects, leaving a smooth airbrushed finish.
What I say: I haven’t tried this yet! I’m sorry! I was just going to put it on, but my hands still smell like lotion, and I didn’t want to transfer the scent to my face too.
bliss that’s incredi-‘peel’!
What they said: Spa grade pads that gently soothe and retexturize overnight the reveal even, radiant skin.
What I say: I haven’t used this yet either! GAH! I’m out of control!!
So that’s it! A pretty ok box. The stuff that I liked, I really liked. I’m off now to finish wrapping presents and do millions of loads of laundry. I’m only here to hit it and quit it today. Don’t act so surprised! I told you what this was at the beginning. QUICK AND DIRTY.
It’s been a long time since I talked about how my co-wash/no poo hair system was going, so let me do an update.
FUCK THIS.
I’m tempted to just say, “The End” now, but because seriously, FUCK THIS. But, I’ll spill my guts. You guys already know I have a dandruff problem, so we have no secrets.
Things were pretty ok for a while; I was doing the original plan of Suave conditioner as a cleanser followed by an apple cider vinegar rinse. My hair was pretty shiny at first, and my dandruff seemed to be clearing up. Then, things started to get dry. So, I tried several different sulfate free conditioners to try and give my hair more moisture. I went through salon brands, health food store brands, and back to salon brands before I found something from Pureology that seemed to work ok. Since we have terribly hard water, I also picked up a purifying shampoo from Pureology to use once a week. I figured this wasn’t a deal breaker on my plan since their products are all free of sulfates and the other harsh ingredients usually found in shampoo.
This had great reviews, and despite the AWFUL (burning plastic!) smell, it, too, seemed to work really well for me at first. But, guess what?
Did you guess this didn’t work out?!
If you did, you’re right! If you didn’t, you’re not paying attention to the theme of this post!
Besides my never ending issue with the HUGE amount of product I have to use to cleanse my hair with conditioner, it always took me forever to finally work it all the way through my scalp; I was having to section my hair off to get all of it, and that was a huge pain in the ass. My hair went right back to getting dry, and, like, matte feeling. Does that make sense? It looked and felt so dull. My roots felt different from the length of my hair, and that felt different from the ends of my hair. My dandruff got worse and worse, and my hair seemed like it was all just wanting to fall out. My hair is always falling out anyways, but this felt really different. This felt wrong.
*OH SHNAP! I was just writing this, and it was making me angry, then iTunes radio played “No Diggity,” and I’m starting to feel a little better. It’s ok, Sarah. Play on, player.*
The final straw came when I looked down at my shoulders over the weekend and I was totally disgusted by the flakes. I just can’t do this anymore. I really gave it a shot, and don’t think it’s for me. Maybe I was doing it wrong? I don’t fucking know. I don’t even care anymore. Dull, coarse, heavy, dandruff, DONE. I’m so happy I was smart enough to not throw away my last bottle of real shampoo in a fit of hubris. I broke out that bottle of Head & Shoulders, and went to town on my head. I conditioned with my Pureology conditioner, and my hair is so, so, so much better today. It’s softer, shinier, and sleeker. From root to tips, it’s all the same texture. See, kids? This is what happens when you’re never satisfied. There wasn’t really anything wrong with my hair to begin with, I was just bummed about using dandruff shampoo for the rest of my life, and I got caught up in the hope of a brighter, easier future. It was not to be. I was chasing a pipe dream. I’m back to washing my hair like a regular person. Head & Shoulders might not be the most glamorous shampoo out there, but dammit, it works for me. I gotta say, that one with the pink cap, the Smooth & Silky one? It’s a pretty nice shampoo. It gets my hair clean and shiny and it doesn’t smell like it might be burning my brain cells.
So? Who is this system for? I would say if you have curly, or frizzy hair, this will probably work for you better than it works for me. That L’Oreal cleansing conditioner has fawning reviews on Amazon and Ulta, so it works great for some hair types! If you have heavy, or mostly straight hair, you might want to stick to shampoo. But, everyone has a different head, different scalps, and whatnot. You never know! I wouldn’t want to discourage someone else from trying this, but if you do, and it doesn’t work, don’t feel bad. Play on, player!
I know you’ve all been anxiously waiting to hear the outcome of my coconut oil experiment; and we’ll get to that, but first, let’s take a look back on the road to the finale…
There was that time I followed a random idea that floated through my head and told you guys about it,
In a bad way. Not in a Pauly Shore way. Which is a GREAT way.
This just didn’t work out great for me. Some weird stuff did happen though, so I’ll share.
I think the idea to try this out popped into my head because my hair has been through a lot lately. I’ve been swimming a lot, and I have the suspicion that my Suave coconut conditioner is not up to the task of taking care of that sun and chlorine damage. My hair was feeling pretty dry and poofy. My hair is never poofy. But, you could gather it up in a ponytail, and it was like a big clump at the end. GROSS.
At first, I was super stoked about the way the oil was feeling, because it seemed like my hair was really sucking it up. I’d add more, and it would be gone. All in all, I probably used a little over a 1/4 cup of oil in my hair. Is that too much? In retrospect, it seems like a lot. I have a lot of hair though, so maybe it isn’t? I massaged the oil into my scalp, and all down the entire length of my hair, being really generous at the ends. After my head felt saturated, I pulled it up into a shower cap, and waited for about an hour and a half.
As soon as I started trying to wash out the oil in the shower, I knew I had made a mistake. It was pretty readily apparent that my cleansing conditioner was going to struggle with removing the oil. And, whoa, struggle it did. After a little while, there didn’t seem to be any more I could do, so I got out, hoping that meant the oil that was left was there because my hair wanted it. NOPE! The oil that was left was there because I couldn’t wash it. There was a lot of it. Everything from my ears down was slick with oil. It was weird though because it didn’t feel heavy, or even really sticky greasy. You could easily run your fingers through my hair, and it was light. It was greasy though; all piecey and slick. It was strange. I’d never really felt and oiliness like that.
Instead of getting back in the shower, I braided my hair into milkmaid braids and pinned them up. I was still optimistic that, in the end, everything would work out. Now it was like I was having a long term moisture treatment on my hair! How luxurious! I left it like that for about a day, and then I tried again to wash it out.
This time, I used shampoo.
Here’s where another weird thing happened! The second the shampoo went onto my hair, everything tangled up! It was fucking bizarre! It felt like my hair completely flipped from a slick, over greasy, stick straight mess to a rough, tangled, tumbleweed mess. Scrubbing was a nightmare, everything pulled and hurt. Conditioner barely helped. It was a disaster!
And don’t even get me started on the death trap that was my shower floor while all this was happening.
I dried my hair and I was unimpressed. My hair was shinier and softer, but not soft or shiny enough to make it worth all the mess. You can get faster results from a regular deep conditioner.
If you still want to try it, go for it. As usual, your results will vary. Tread very carefully if you have thin or fine hair, and maybe don’t do it if you have somewhere to be in the same day.
So, there you have it. More bullshit that doesn’t work as well as I’d hoped!
Here I am, post mask, and post shower. Is my hair wet? Is it greasy? NOBODY KNOWS.
Second impression: After all that time trying to rinse the oil out of my hair in the shower, the back of my body is feeling very moisturized.
I might have done this wrong, although, I don’t see how. All our questions will be answered in my next post. Isn’t this thrilling? I put off a trip to Target for this!
I’ve got coconut oil, a hotel shower cap, very dry ends, a mildly ambitious attitude, and last night’s Project Runway.
I’m going to get to the bottom of this coconut oil as hair mask situation for myself. Plus, this is going to be a good way to force myself into taking a shower.
First impression: I smell delicious. Makes me want a macaroon REAL BAD.
.
