Face, Friday I'm in Love, MAKE UP FOR EVER




mom and dad 1981

1981 – These dirty birds brought me into the world.

mom and dad 2005

2005 – I have more recent photos, but their dogs are hilarious.

My mom looks like Mexican Mary J. Blige, my dad looks like if Harold Ramis and William Shatner had a baby. There are a lot of great things about being biracial. Having a crazy skin tone that’s hard to match isn’t one of them.

They* say in a thousand years everyone will look like me. That by then, everybody will have humped each other into one race, and we’ll all be sort of brown. I think these are some science facts I heard. It seems right to me.

Those beautiful, caramel colored, future people are lucky because MAKE UP FOR EVER HD Foundation exists. They’ve already totally nailed our hard to match olive skin tone. Everyone is always trying to make me so pink! Or, so yellow! Or, so pale! I’m like, weirdly pale, but also brown. I often feel like I’m settling with the color of my foundations and powders. They’ll seem right at first, but soon I’ll feel like I’m looking really flushed, or like my jaw doesn’t match my neck. That’s really tough for someone who thinks about makeup as much as I do. Like, I have enough to worry about in photos. I don’t need this too!


Sephora, $42

Until the time comes that there’s the need for only one foundation color, MAKE UP FOR EVER has 26 shades available, to cover a wide range of skin tones. This foundation has really great, buildable coverage that leaves a soft, flawless finish. I apply it, a couple pumps at a time, off the back of my hand, using my Sigma Beauty F80 Flat Kabuki brush, from the center of my face, out. I love it because it blends beautifully, and evens out my skin without totally covering my moles and freckles. I don’t want a totally flat face, you know? It doesn’t settle into lines and creases, and it doesn’t get gross or cakey looking throughout the day. It also works on different skin types, and ages. I’m more dry/combination, but my mom is very oily and she uses it too. Her skin tone is also very hard to match, and she was able to find a foundation that worked for her out of their line. That’s really saying something. My mom has been looking for a good match for, like, her entire life.

You don’t have to wear a powder over this foundation, I often don’t. But, if you want to, you can just use a light dusting of translucent powder.

I wanted to show you guys a photo. But, since I’ve had bronchitis for 5 days, I look really terrible right now. Like, really, I don’t even remember when I last washed my hair. Soooo….I went through my photos and found one that showed my face really close.

hd foundation face

I don’t look anything like that right now. And, it’s so embarrassing that I just have all these photos of my own posed face readily available. For whatever occasion! The judgmental way the dog looks at me when I’m in front of the lights, taking a thousand barely different pictures of myself, is enough to know that I should be ashamed.

But you know what I’m not ashamed of? How awesome my skin looks since I started using this foundation.


*Scientists? Worried racists? I swear I read this somewhere.

Face, Neutrogena

Neutrogena Clear Face Sunscreen Lotion

neutrogena clear face sunscreen

Drugstore.com, $7.99


I got super down with the sickness all of a sudden.


Before I took up my new lot in life as Typhoid Sarah, I was having a great time as Swimming In Everyone’s Pools Sarah. I randomly grabbed this sunscreen lotion on a beer and cake run to the grocery store one morning, and it was the the third best decision I’d made that day. After the decisions to buy beer and cake.

Usually, I hate putting sunblock on my face. It feels sticky disgusting, and it will often make me break out. This sunscreen lotion was really different! It went on almost like a regular moisturizer with sunblock. I mean, you could tell it was a little more than that, but not much. More importantly, once it absorbed, it felt breathable, and my face wasn’t gritty or gross. I was able to float around, pina colada in hand, without feeling like a zit was feeding on a sunblock/pool water/sweat stew.

I used this several times last week, and I was really thrilled with it every time. I’d be out of the pool, and my skin would feel soft and smooth instead of dry and dirty. It was true to its “break-out free” promise, and even though I was in the sun for hours and hours, my color barely changed. That kind of sucks. But, I know that means it was working.

I bought mine at the grocery store, and I saw it on display at Target yesterday, so it’s really easy to find. Make sure to wait about 10 minutes after applying before getting in the pool, and don’t forget to reapply after you’ve been in the water for a while!

Right now, my bottle is gathering dust while I waste away. I fear I shall be bedridden forever. That would make Rowdy really happy since she’s always trying to entice me back into bed for naps and snuggles and whatnot.

Get this, and swim for me! Don’t take your health for granted!

I sound like my grandma.

That lipstick makes you look cheap. And why are you wearing your hair like that anyways? But, what do I know? You never call or come to visit anyways.

Giveaways, Lips, MAC

Rihanna Hearts MAC Giveaway!

It’s finally time for the Rihanna Hearts MAC giveaway! I’m really excited about this, especially now that the lipsticks I have to give away are sold out.

The Lab Bunny: I sit on the internet for hours to buy lipstick so you don’t have to!

I have one (1) tube of Riri Woo, and one (1) tube of Riri Boy, there will be two (2) winners, chosen randomly. The contest runs from today, 7/8, until Sunday evening, 7/14, at 11:59 PM. The winners will be announced next Monday!

Enter, share, cross your fingers and toes! Good luck!

TrophyRihanna Hearts MAC Giveaway
Your Entries
Total Entries
Days Left
Riri Boy & Riri Woo are sold out at MAC, but I have them to give away! Two winners will be chosen and announced on the morning of Monday, July 15th, 2013. Good luck! P.S. For every person that you refer, you'll get an extra entry in the contest. So please, share away! P.P.S. In case you're worried, we're totally not going to do anything creepy with with your email address. Promise.
This contest expired.
Face, Mario Badescu, Moisturizer

Mario Badescu Rose Hips Nourishing Oil

mario badescu rose hips nourishing oil

Mario Badescu, $20

Putting oil directly onto your face to improve your skin seems counterintuitive. The first time I tried a face oil, I was a teenager, and I was having some pizza face problems. My mom took me to the Clarins counter, the lady suggested their Lotus Face Treatment Oil, and I was suspicious. Oil to clear up my zits? Right, lady. Why don’t I just eat french fries and chocolate while I’m at it? (Back then, chocolate and french fries were often blamed for acne in Seventeen advice columns. This is pretty much bullshit.)

It took a minute to get the hang of it, and I did, fo sho, make a greasy mess most of the time, but it worked! My skin cleared up.

After that experience, Mario Badescu Rose Hips Nourishing Oil wasn’t gonna scare me off with the dreaded “o” word. I know what’s up. Now, “oil” can join “orgasm,” “oreo,” and “oral” on my list of O WORDS THAT ARE GOOD FOR YOU.

This lightweight and fast absorbing oil is full of vitamin C, so it brightens as well as hydrates. It reduces scaliness and improves texture. I’ve been using it for a couple months now (except for the week I was testing the black soap alone), and combined with my Fresh Soy Cleanser and my black soap, my skin is the best its been in recent memory.

The first time I used it, I was confused by the consistency. It’s not oily at all. It’s practically watery. It was so not what I was expecting, that I thought for sure someone had tried to pull the old switcheroo on me, and I was like, “DAMN YOU, ULTAAAAAA!!!” But, after some furious late night, towel clad Googling, I figured out that nobody had pulled a fast one on me. I was just suspicious, as usual. I always think neighborhood teens are stealing my magazines too.

In the evenings, after cleansing in the shower, I put 4-5 drops onto the back of my hand, and apply it to my face that way – it’s easier than trying to wrangle it on your fingertips. You can wear it under your regular moisturizer, too. I’ve been using it under my Cetaphil moisturizer, and they’re a really nice combination together.

And, hey! If you get it at Ulta right now, you can get a free deluxe sample of the Mario Badescu Drying Cream. That little jar is enough to last you forever! BONUS.

Floss Gloss, Nails

A Farewell to Nails

I have to trim off these beautiful babies today. They’ve turned against me in a spectacular fashion.

long nails

Color: Fastlane by Floss Gloss

I lost a nail, on my left hand, pulling up my wet bathing suit the other night. It snapped straight across, and up so high, I couldn’t pull it off.  I tried to wait until I got home to handle it, but it was so blindingly painful every time I accidentally touched it, I broke down and used someone else’s unclean nail scissors to cut it off. HORRIFYING! That’s an esthetician’s nightmare right there. You can’t unlearn all that cross contamination stuff.

Two of my other nails are on the verge of a similar fate. I can see they’ve already tried to split across the middle, but not at the edges. One of my thumbs, just this morning, broke beyond my patching abilities. That’s pretty gruesome stuff.

They gots ta go! I’m sad, but I don’t think I’m the one who’s going to miss them the most.

rowdy scratchers

Eyeliner, Friday I'm in Love, Stila

Stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Eyeliner


Please don’t mail me and tell me that’s not Robert Smith. I know it’s not. I’ve been crying to “Disintegration” for 20 years now, for fuck’s sake.

I wanted to start sharing some of my long time favorite products with you guys. There are so many options out there, and great buys aren’t limited to what’s new right now. I’ve been painting my face for a long time, and I have some tried and true faves that I love to recommend.*****

I love a 60’s cat eye so much, if I could only choose one eye look to do for the rest of my life, it would be that.

I love a 60’s cat eye so much, I based my wedding day makeup on Priscilla Presley.


Ohhhh, ‘Scilla, baby!


Wedding day liner, lower right corner

Liquid liner didn’t come easy for me. I started messing with it when I was about 16, and it was pretty much a disaster every time I tried to put it on. I would literally cry tears of frustration and just, like, despair, when I’d slowly and carefully line my entire eye, just to totally mangle the wing; or, I’d do one perfect eye, and then the other eye would refuse to match up, no matter how many times I’d try to wipe it off and fix it. Or, worst of all, I’d get two reasonably presentable eyes, but I’d open them before the liner was completely dry, and my entire eye would be ruined.

I persisted though. And through my hours of careful training, my hand grew steadier and my lines grew smoother. Now, I can draw on a gracefully swooped wing in seconds. That’s not to say everything always goes great, it doesn’t. In fact, just the other day I had to redraw one wing several times before it would match. Sometimes, your face just won’t cooperate, you know?


Amazon, $17

I’ve been through several different brands and types of liquid liner, and this one from Stila is my hands down, favorite. Last time I was in the market for a new liner, I looked at several other marker-like liners, and none of them had a tip so fine as this one. That super fine, pointy tip is what puts this liner over the top for me. It makes it so easy to fill in tiny spots between lashes, and to draw a precise point on my wings. If I want to make the line thicker, I just take a more parallel angle with the pen, and it’s perfect. It dries fast, so I don’t open my eyes and ruin everything, but not so fast that I can’t quickly fix a mistake. The pen is easy to control, and it’s comfortable to hold. The liner itself is good and dark, and it doesn’t skip or tug.

A lot of liquid liners will dry kind of shiny, and this one is no exception. If it’s particularly noticeable, I’ll dip a fine brush in some matte black shadow and go over the line.

I wore this liner on my wedding day, so you know it’s good. I was not playing games that day.

It’s usually $20, but as of right now, Amazon has it for $17.

Buy it HERE.


Birchbox June 2013 Review

My first Birchbox was a really exciting experience! I tried most of the products, and although I didn’t love everything, it was still a lot of fun.

color club pardon my french

Color Club Nail Lacquer in Pardon My French, $8 for the set of 4

I’m pretty sure I always thought this polish brand was cheap and/or for little girls. The daisy on the bottles has really been throwing me, I guess. It was cool to get the chance to try a brand I never would have tried otherwise! The formula of the polish was really nice, it flowed on easily and covered evenly with two coats. The color was a pretty pinkish-lilac, but it wasn’t really anything special. Off the top of my head, I have at least 2 other polishes in my stash that look like Pardon My French. I hate putting products on blast like that, but whatever. It’s gotta be done. That’s the beauty review game. I was actually really hoping to get the mint color, but that’s ok.

birchbox 6:13 Whish Shave Cream

Whish Shave Crave Shaving Cream, Blueberry, $20

“This decadent shave cream from whish one-ups its competitors. Made in the U.S. with eco-friendly ingredients, the non-drying formula gives you a mighty close shave without leaving legs devoid of moisture.”

This is $20 shaving cream. Come on.

I’m not even going to try to justify spending that money. And I will spend money on all kinds of nonsense. Hell, I throw away more groceries every week than I’m comfortable admitting. We’re working on that.

But this, this is shaving cream. I shaved one leg with this, and one leg with my regular shaving cream. There wasn’t any discernible difference moisture, or otherwise, between the two. In fact, I’d be willing to bet if I did a close inspection, I’d find more leftover hair on the Whish leg than the Skintimate leg. Not because the shaving cream is bad, but because it doesn’t show up on your legs like regular shaving cream, so I kept losing my place! I really, really hate that. That’s how I end up out in public with a big strip of hair up the front of my shin. I wear glasses, I’m basically flying blind in the shower.

The only thing this shaving cream has over regular shaving cream, is the delicious smelling blueberry scent. I could smell it as soon as I opened the Birchbox. Mmmm!

birchbox 6:13 My Prime Moisturizer

My Prime Mattifying Moisturizer, $68

“Finding the right dry-touch formula is challenging, but this cream offers the right amount of moisture without any heaviness or residue.”

This worked ok, I guess. My face is matte. That’s true. The texture was so odd though, it was off-putting. Like, it was thick and didn’t apply smoothly. I didn’t feel like I was putting moisture INTO my skin, it felt like I was just pushing product around on my face. That by itself, was enough to make me not like it. My skin doesn’t feel any better than it did before, in fact it feels a little worse. It says it’s supposed to be so moisturizing, but it made some spots on my cheeks a little rougher. I’m sure that’s due to the mattifying, but I have other products that do the same thing without leaving my skin feeling weird.


I haven’t tried the Nexxus Youth Renewal Rejuvenating Elixir yet, because I just started doing my new hair washing method, and that would have messed me up. I do really like the little tili Bag zippered travel bag. It’s cute, and I’ll definitely use it when I’m traveling this month.

Initially, I felt like my first Birchbox was disappointing. I was a little underwhelmed with what I got. But, then I noticed things like the primer being anti-aging. Usually, I don’t care about stuff like that, but lately, I’ve been looking into working some into my beauty routine. I told them that! So, they sent me anti-aging. That moisturizer was $68, and I probably never would have used it otherwise. That makes me think that probably, sometimes, the Birchbox is a fucking gold mine. Beauty gambling!


Lips, MAC

Rihanna Hearts MAC RiRi Boy


RiRi Boy, MAC, $15

RiRi Boy is a muted, bright lavender in the same “retro matte” finish as RiRi Woo. I think purple lipstick is kind of intimidating for some people, but RiRi Boy is a cool purple with a lot of pink in it, so it’s pretty wearable. I loved this color!


I don’t love photos where I’m looking away, but, HELLO LIPS!

This picture makes me want to softly kiss my own mouth. I don’t know. I look pretty kissable. I have managed to bite the same spot on the inside of my lip three times in the last two days, so maybe I’m just trying to work up the courage to make a go at a real kiss with myself. Fingers crossed!

Like I said in my review of RiRi Woo, the “retro matte” finish means your lipstick isn’t going anywhere, but you also don’t have room for mistakes. It doesn’t dry your lips out, but it doesn’t moisturize either. It will definitely show if your lips are chapped or dry. I really like this finish though because I talk, and eat, and drink a lot, and I don’t want to worry about if I have lipstick everywhere on my face but my mouth. My rep couldn’t handle that kind of damage, you guys. I’d be ruined. Plus, gross! Get it together!

RiRi Boy is sold out right now, too, but their Up the Amp is the same color in MAC’s “cremesheen” finish. So, again, if you really have to have the color, you can get it. The finish will be glossier, and it won’t have the staying power, but you’ll have the color.

Orrrrrr…..you can enter my giveaway! Stay tuned? Stay connected?

Those aren’t right, and they sound stupid.

Keep your internet on!

There we go.

P.S. There’s a third RiRi Hearts MAC lipstick, a berry color, Heaux. I didn’t buy that one because it’s the same color/different finish as MAC’s Rebel, and I already have Rebel. I can post pics of that one if you guys want to see it, but it isn’t a new color. 

Lips, MAC

Rihanna Hearts MAC RiRi Woo



I am a big Rihanna fan. I love her style, I love to sing her songs, and I love that she is unapologetic about who she is.

I think we’d get along great! We enjoy similar after-school activities, and we seem to have the same views on dudes and what they’re packin’. Namely, don’t brang it if you can’t swang it. Know what I mean?

Her badass personality and look make her an awesome collaborator for MAC. I don’t jump at every one of their collections, but I was EXCITED for this one.


RiRi Woo, MAC, $15

RiRi Woo is a cool toned red in MAC’s creamy “retro matte” finish. This formula makes for a lipstick that goes on smoothly, but does require a little finesse and a steady hand. It’s highly pigmented, and the matte formula keeps it from slipping or fading. But, if your lips aren’t in good condition, it’ll show. People who are new to the vivid lipstick game might struggle with it a little, but practice makes perfect!


Please excuse my “art” photo. I wanted to get my nails in there too!

I wore RiRi Woo for 6 hours the other day, and in over 100 degree weather while I was eating through a farmers market. The matte finish means it didn’t go anywhere.

I took a picture, and I’m going to show it to you, but I look like I’ve been sweathogging all over the place. Be kind.


Just be glad you can’t smell me.

RiRi Woo is sold out right now. The site says there will be more, but who knows if that’s true. If you MUST HAVE IT, its namesake, “Ruby Woo,” is a MAC classic that’s always available. People who own both RiRi Woo and Ruby Woo say the difference between the two colors is minimal, so you can get the same look with Ruby Woo.

If you don’t want to settle for Ruby Woo, keep an eye out for my giveaway soon!