So, I’m sitting here watching “Daredevil,” and, it occurs to me that I am the true daredevil because I am currently giving coconut oil as a hair treatment a second chance. I haven’t washed it out yet, so, to put it in daredevil terms, I’m still waiting to see if my suicycle make it over the metaphorical dog doo stick.
Last time I used coconut oil in my hair, it was a reeeeeal shitshow. I used way too much oil, and I doused every strand from scalp to end. I mean I went TO TOWN with the coconut oil. My head was greasy for days. This time, I used just a few tablespoons of the coconut oil mixed with a couple drops of Rosemary oil, and I only applied it to my scalp. This coconut oil experiment also has a different hypothesis; I’ve been reading about scalp massage to stimulate hair growth, and, hey, sounds good to me. I’m into oils and massages and sensual things like that. It’s also well documented that I’m very into growing locks so long and luscious that I no longer require tops. I massaged my scalp really well, ran the excess oil on my hands through the length of my hair, twirled it all up in my trusty claw clip, and now, I’m just letting the oil do what it do. Whatever that is.
We’ll see how things work out when I take a shower. Fool me once, coconut oil! Fool me once.
UPDATE: I was really scared I was going to end up using dish soap to wash my hair like I had to after the time I used too much oil to remove an ill conceived glue-in quick weave, and no amount of traditional shampoo would degrease me. But, I pulled out the big guns AKA my Pureology clarifying shampoo, and there weren’t any problems washing out the coconut oil. Obviously, I can’t tell yet if this really helps with hair growth, but, at least my scalp doesn’t feel all toight and flaky like it often does after I wash and dry my hair. I’m thinking this Sunday night scalp massage might become part of my weekly beautifying treatment regimen. It felt divine, it smelled good, my hair is soft, my roots aren’t greasy, and my scalp isn’t dry. I made it over the dog doo stick!
I love makeup and spending money (and chihuahuas, and pizza, and Jane the Virgin, and big d). I really hate being broke (and bell peppers, and Monty Python, and mansplainers).
Thankfully, the diligent swatchers over at one of my favorite Instagram accounts, DUPE THAT, are all over the buying lots of makeup/still having money dichotomy. They’re in there every day, showing us how often we’re paying extra for luxury brand names. When you collect lipsticks like I do, this is some valuable information.
Look at that! Every post is this good. They’re doing the Lord’s work over there.
DUPE THAT recently launched a full site. The site is searchable for brands and color names, thereby fixing the one issue I had with their IG only operation. It’s very exciting!!
Are you off today? Maybe spend some time browsing their site and making lists. Are you working today? My suggestion still stands. Your boss says it’s cool!
I’m not a resolutions person. Obviously. I mean, here I am, knocking the dust off this blog well into the second (technically third) week of January. A resolutions person would have been here that first Monday. To me, New Year’s resolutions are amateur hour. I’m making and breaking promises to myself 365, BAYBAY!!
My problem is, I always go too big. Lose weight, save money, find my life’s purpose, blah blah. That stuff is a lot of work! You know what’s probably way better for our mental well-being? Starting small. Make your bed every day! Kick your panties into the hamper instead of leaving them sunny-side up in the bathroom! Mop!
No. Don’t mop. I’m sorry I said that. FUCK mopping.
How about, instead, you could resolve to have cleaner skin? You don’t even have to buy a new face wash, or an expensive cleansing brush. Are you all ready for my ONE WEIRD TRICK?
Here it is:
Wash your face longer. For 60 whole seconds. That’s it.
Real talk, you guys; I know what you’re doing. I see how quickly you wash your face. I SEE YOU. But, it’s ok! I used to do the same thing! In fact, I considered myself a pretty accomplished face washer. I washed my face every night and most mornings, I used my Clarisonic. I would even wash my face when I was three sheets to an ill wind! Some of the mascara might be left behind, but, I’d AT LEAST use a cleansing wipe. So, pretty good, right? Pretty good, but could be better. Like, maybe better if I didn’t rush through it in just a few seconds. You know, like how washing a fork with soap real fast is good, but making sure you get all the crud off is preferable?
Still not convinced? (Pretend you’re not convinced.) Will a little bit of Beauty School Confidential help? Consider this; a big reason for the effectiveness of a spa facial is the extensive time spent on cleansing. Most estheticians will cleanse your skin twice during a facial. When all is said and done, you’re going to get, probably, a combined five minutes of solid cleanser on skin action. It’s not an accident that your skin is so bright after that! I mean, the default time on my Clarisonic is 60 seconds, and that thing is using sonic vibrations, or whatever, AND bristles. If the Clarisonic needs 60 seconds to get your face clean with all that technology behind it, your sweet lil fingers need at least that long. It’s so easy though! A big part of this cleaner face resolution is the simplicity, because hopefully, you’re already washing your face. So, you don’t have to do a whole new thing, you just have to a regular thing differently.
“But, Sarah,” you might be thinking, “60 seconds is a long time to count! What if I get bored or lose my place? What if I count too fast or too slow? How am I supposed to keep track of the time when I’m in the shower in all my nudely glory?!” It’s easy! Zones, guys. It’s all about zones. Your forehead? ZONE. Nose down to your chin? ZONE. Those precious cheeks? ZONE(S). Three zones, 20 seconds each. That’s all you need to do to get cleaner skin. It’s free, it’s easy, it works!
Since I’ve been making an effort to wash my face more thoroughly, I’ve seen a visible improvement in my skin. I have a lot less tiny white heads around my eye/cheek area, and, I haven’t been getting random, underground, throbbing, volcanic breakouts on my jaw and chin. I even managed to avoid the inevitable eruptions I deal with whenever I get sick, and those are usually really gross, and really hard to kill.
HASHTAG NO FILTER
HASHTAG NO FOUNDATION, too. That’s right. No foundation. I have on a little concealer around my nose to cover some tissue related redness, and, I have on a little under eye brightener. But, that’s it. No foundation, no powder. No filter! Just my clean, moisturized skin. For comparison, here’s an unedited photo from the end of last summer.
I think you can tell a difference. In the first picture my skin looks brighter, clearer, and smoother. I’m wearing a full face in this photo, and my skin still doesn’t look as good. See what I’m saying? I’m not making it up!
Bet you didn’t think it was going to be THAT cheap. A cheap cleanser and your free fingers. That’s all you need. It’s really so easy! Easier than losing weight, easier than kicking your underwear into the hamper, easier than pretty much most things, and you get nicer skin. Happy freaking New Year! So fresh and so clean in 2015!
Some of you know I’ve dabbled in subscription beauty boxes with fair to middling results. After I canceled my GlossyBox, I kind of stopped checking them out. Honestly, it started to feel like I was spending $10-$25 on one or two useable samples a month. Like I’ve said in the past, how many freaking serums can one person use at once?
I do like the idea of the subscription boxes. I’m into getting good stuff, I just don’t want the boring stuff. I got tea packets in a beauty box once. Just regular tea packets. Do you have any idea how many tea packets there are in my kitchen? Neither do I, but, I know it’s a lot. I know there are enough stale boxes of tea in there to last me until I move out of this house and throw them all away.
If only there was a way to only get the good stuff….
DOODLY-DOO, DOODLY-DOO, DOODLY-DOO
Well, well! What do we have here?!
Looks like just a regular old makeup bag. No big deal. What could be inside? Oh, I don’t know, ONLY A MILLION (16) PRODUCTS!
A MILLION (16) GENEROUSLY SIZED, SUPER PRETTY GOOD PRODUCTS!
A million (16) generously sized, super pretty good products.
Good stuff, right!?
Roughly L-R:
Clinique Moisture Surge Extended Thirst Relief gel moisturizer
Botega Veneta Essence Aromatique
fresh Rose Face Mask
Balenciaga Rosabotanica perfume
Lancome Renergie Lift Multi-Action Sunscreen
Molton Brown Pink Pepperpod Body Wash
Whish Pomegranate Body Butter
Mario Badescu Kiwi Face Scrub
Living Proof Perfect Hair Day 5-in-1 Styling Treatment
Philosophy Purity 3-in-1 Cleanser
Smashbox Photo Finish Foundation Primer
Ciate nail polish in apple and custard
Estee Lauder Sumptuous Infinite Mascara in Black
LORAC Lip Lustre Gloss in Peach Lustre
Jouer Lip Gloss in Peony
Stila Lip Glaze in Mango Berry
Out of the 16 products, the only one I probably won’t use is the Botega Veneta perfume. It’s not anything special for me, and I have so much perfume, I’ll probably never get to it. I’m super stoked about the Clinique moisturizer, the fresh mask, the Living Proof treatment, the Balenciaga perfume, and the mascara. Honestly, I’m pretty stoked about everything else, too. I’m into stuff like this, because when I always have little expensive moisturizers and mascaras hanging around, I never have to buy full sized expensive moisturizers and mascaras. I don’t even remember the last time I bought a full sized mascara.
Stila, Jouer, LORAC, and Ciate swatches
Do you want to know where it came from? I should probably get to that part. I guess I kind of spoilered it already in the title, but this amazing bag is from HauteLook!
HauteLook is one of those members only flash sale sites. You know, like, you can get a really good deal, but you only have 14 minutes to check out before the good deal falls out of your cart. It can be a very stressful shopping experience! However, when I bought this bag, I knew exactly what was going to be in it, and it was the only thing I was letting myself look at that day, so I felt good about being able to quickly spend the $25.
What I did not know was how large and in charge the products were going to be! I’m pretty sure that Stila lip gloss is full sized. I wouldn’t even call these products sample sized, I’d maybe call them travel sized. I was thrilled when I dumped out the bag and saw everything! I wanted to roll around in all the pretty products! I didn’t, because it would have been more of me rolling around ON the pretty products, and that could have damaged something. So, like any good mother, I lived vicariously through my child.
We have fun.
I’ve seen different versions of this bag pop up from time, so there will be more! On top of that, HauteLook frequently has good sales on great cosmetics brands. In the past, I’ve bought products from theBalm, NYX, and Urban Decay at really reduced prices. Good stuff, homies! Plus, clothes and weird couches and stuff. But, who cares about that?
HauteLook is free, so that’s cool. It’s ALSO cool that if you sign up using my affiliate link, I’ll get a credit if you ever buy anything! NO PRESH, GUYS! BUT, COME ON. BE COOL.
Speaking of summer, please tell me you’re remembering to wear some sunscreen! Look, I understand, I want caramel thighs, too. But, we gotta put on a leettle bit of sun protection. We all know the more you wear the better, but, I’m realistic. I know you guys. If you’re not going to put on on sunscreen for health’s sake, maybe do it for vanity? That’s why I wear it. The longer people think I’m in my 20s, the better, and there aren’t a lot of 23 year old women walking around with sun spots and wrinkles.
Can I just take a minute and really give thanks for my goth childhood? Blessed be. All those years spent sulking in the shade really saved my skin the usual harm that occurs during the teen years. You can’t get sun damage from sitting in your room and burning incense!
Having a really good time at my 15th birthday party.
In the last 17 years since that birthday, I’ve come around on the sun.
Wait.
17, ALMOST 18, years since that birthday?! The time between the girl in the photo and now is longer than the the time between the girl in the photo and HER BIRTH. That’s so fucking sick. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh no. Things are really on the downhill slide.
Look, I hate to be a downer, but, I’m just realizing that sunscreen won’t turn back the clock. It’s cool though, because, you know, only you have to know the EXACT time on the clock. Not that I’m one of those people who are embarrassed by their age. I’m not. I just want to be 25 forever.
I wrote about this sunscreen last year, and my love for it is holding strong. I really dislike even wearing moisturizers that have spf in them, so that really says something. This sunscreen is light and hydrating, without leaving that gross, gritty, grime feeling. Even better, I have never had any adverse reactions from using this product; no zits, no blackheads, no itchy bumps, no residue.
Since I didn’t really grow up to be an outdoors person, I don’t need a separate sunscreen every day. This sunscreen is waterproof, so it’s pretty much just the couple times a week I’m in the pool AKA day drinking and working on the choreography for our “Man, I Feel Like A Woman” routine with my synchronized swimming partner. I’m thinking about aquatic dance moves, and I do not need to be worried about getting a sunburn, ok? I use this sunscreen for my face, ears, neck, and chest; and I use a regular Coppertone, or whatever, for the rest of my body. So far, so good! My face skin is secure.
You can pick up Neutrogena Clear Face Sunscreen pretty much anywhere. I grabbed my bottle at the grocery store! It ain’t hard to come by! Check it out!
Hey! How’s your summer going? Good? Shitty? Just whatever because you’re a fucking real life grown-up and summer *really* isn’t all that much fun anymore because it doesn’t change anything about your day to day life except for that now it’s a lot easier to sweat off all your makeup, and now your car is a rolling heat torture chamber? I can help with the first thing, but, I can’t do anything about that hot car thing except for maybe tell you to try to park in the shade. Maybe get one of those folding things you put in your windshield to make it look like your car is wearing sunglasses? Scratch the maybe on that suggestion, and definitely do that. Now that I’m thinking about it, I think *I* want to get one for my car! Can you imagine how fucking boss the Corolla is going to look in a pair of sweet shades? Summer may not be all that exciting for me, but things are getting very interesting for my car! Someone should make novelty windshield shades that look like real people eyes. Like, Steve Buscemi eyes or Jack Nicholson sunglasses on your car, or something. Nobody steal that idea! That’s my idea! TM!! TM!!
So, we’ve solved your hot car problem. You’re welcome.
Let’s clean up your sweaty, smeared face!
I grabbed a bottle of this setting spray during a Target frenzy a few weeks ago, and I am INTO IT. This bottle only cost me $3, but it’s working just as well as any higher end setting spray I’ve ever had.
Here’s this little thing I made to show you how well this product works. The first picture was taken in the morning, after I had just done my makeup, and hit it with the spray. The second picture was taken about ten hours later, after a day spent shopping and running errands in over 100 degree weather, and after I went to my bestie’s birthday and ate hella pizza. Hence the pizza. I think it’s important to note that I did not put on any eyeshadow primer when I did my makeup. The e.l.f. spray kept my the shadow in place and crease free. That was super impressive to me because the top half of my face is really greasy, and, without primers, my makeup usually disappears.
Where does it even go? Nobody knows.
Did I happen to mention this spray only costs THREE DOLLARS? What were you going to spend that three dollars on anyways? An app? A big Toblerone? What even costs three dollars?! Nothing good! Except that Toblerone, and this setting spray.
So that settles it! We’ve decided you’re going to buy the Toblerone and the e.l.f. setting spray! It’s only going to cost you SIX DOLLARS! GOTDAMN, you’re savvy when it comes to your dollars.
Nicole by OPI “Pick of the Glitter,” Target exclusive
I’ve been off glitter (NOT ANTI GLITTER, NEVER ANTI) for a long while now. Taking off my nail polish is the part of doing my nails that I hate the most, and you know glitter takes forever to remove. Even though the tinfoil trick works, it’s way more time spent with corrosive chemicals on my fingers than I would prefer. These new base coats formulated specifically to make glitter removal easier tickle my fancy, but I keep forgetting to buy some at the beauty supply. So, that one is on me.
Nothing had been able to weaken my self-imposed glitter ban until this bottle of polish hypnotized me at Target. Admittedly, It’s not super hard to do since I’m already half out of my present state of mind at Target, but this bottle came home and it still captivated me. The polish is a really unusual color blend of large glitters in turquoise, gold, and iridescent lavender mixed with tiny flecks of a rose gold/bronze color. It’s fucking beautiful. The purple and rose gold colors really, really set off the other colors. I think it’s a brilliant combo of colors. Just fabulous.
Betsey Johnson ring, my jewelry box
I think this is the one and only time I’ve ever worn this ring. I was hitting the Betsey Johnson outlets pretty hard there for a second, and there’s a lot of jewelry hanging around my house that has never seen the light of day. I can’t bring myself to get rid of any of it though. THEY’RE MINE. WHAT IF I WANT TO WEAR THEM SOMEDAY?
I thought this polish would look gorgeous over a neutral color, so I went to the vault and pulled out “Don’t Pretzel My Buttons” (yeesh these names *Tina Fey eye roll GIF*) by OPI. It’s an opaque sort of pinky nude color, and I used two thin coats to cover my nails before I used two coats of glitter.
Dammit. I kind of want a big pretzel now. UGH!! OPI COLOR NAMING DEPARTMENT, WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME SO HUNGRY?! AND HORMONES, YOU HAVE SOME SPLAINING TO DO, TOO.
I know the lighting on this photo is weird, but it is so damn hard to get a solid picture of glitter. The reflective pieces make my camera go all crasy! You can see all the colors in the glitter in this picture though. So, success? I guess. I just really wanted you guys to be able to see everything. It’s so pretty!
Like I said up top, this color is an elusive Target exclusive. I did not know that when I bought it, I was just having a lucky day. If I had known it was hard to find, I never would have randomly run across it. Trust. I couldn’t find it on Target.com, so, if you want it, you’ll have to actually go to Target to get it. Super sad, I know. It’s ok, don’t worry, while you’re at Target, you can get yourself a new scarf to dry your little tears!
Is it tacky that I shot this photo after I had already used the lipstick? I took another one before I tried it, but it didn’t come out like I was hoping, so I went for round two. Just pretend this is totally new and you can’t tell the angle I apply my lipstick.
Shhhh….just pretend…shhh…..there you go….mama’s got you….
I have been ON these Maybelline lipsticks for the last six months, or so. They’re so cheap, and shockingly luxe! The coverage is always great, and they’re so moisturizing and creamy, they’re totally comfortable to wear. I’ve never been so impressed by a drugstore brand. Great work, Maybelline! Keep it up!
I grabbed Darkest Cherry because I wanted a burgundy sort of color that was less intense than my OCC Lip Tar. My Lip Tar is great, but they’re not therapeutic in any way, and sometimes, I just don’t feel up to fussing with that little brush. Just let me slap it on!!
Deepest Cherry is a perfectly vampy, oxblood color. It doesn’t really skew purple or pink, it’s a pretty solid reddish brown; it’s lovely for Fall/Winter. It gives me so many 90s feelings though! I’m not saying I have to fight the urge to use a brown liner with this, but I’ve thought about it.
Jason on my hair like this: “It looks like Helena Bonham Carter!”
This color is so gorgeous, right?! It’s dark but not so dark you look like you fell out of The Craft. Like I said, the formula is amazing. A lot of colors in this family can apply patchy and uneven, but this one is a dream. It slides right on without any tugging or skipping, and it doesn’t leave any lines when you press your lips together.
NO TOUCHING!
The wear time is pretty average, a few hours without eating or drinking, but, that’s a fair trade when you get so much hydration. I love how my lips feel when I wear these lipsticks. They’re really great, and I can’t stop buying them!! THANK GOD they’re so cheap, or I’d be in some real trouble. Maybelline is coming out with a range of nude colors in this line, and I can’t wait to get my hands on them!
As a special bonus, here’s a better picture of my bee pins:
I figured you’d want to see! They’re so cute, I can’t stand it!! They were a birthday gift from a good friend who was genius enough to scope out my Pinterest page for ideas. Whenever I think my hair needs a little something extra, I just pop in my bee pins, sit back, and let the compliments roll in.
Buy Maybelline Color Sensational Lip Color in Deepest Cherry at Ulta, Target, drugstore.com, and I don’t know, anywhere you buy tampons, probably.
I’d never tried anything from Coastal Scents before I got these brushes. I’d actually never even HEARD of Coastal Scents before this last year. I somehow stumbled upon THE DOPPELGÄNGER, and she frequently used shadows from Coastal Scents, so I took a look.
Wait. Did you go and look at THE DOPPELGÄNGER? Please. Do yourself a favor, and take a look at what she does. Her photos, her styling, her makeup, her everything is so gorgeous, it’s sick.
Anyways! Seeing the prices at Coastal Scents made it hard to pass up the opportunity to try out their products. I placed my order during their Black Friday sale; I paid $2.48 for the fan brush, and $6.48 for the kabuki brush. Crazy, right? Also seems suspicious, right? Suspiciously cheap. Like, a brace yourself for “you get what you pay for!” situation.
My order did take a little while to arrive, but, since most of the things I’ve read about Coastal Scents says they ship quickly, I’m chalking that up to a Black Friday pileup. When my order came in, I was really, REALLY impressed by the weight of the brushes. They don’t feel cheap, they feel solid. The bristles are thick, soft, and fluffy. I gave the brushes a good washing, and they held up really well without any changes to the bristles. At first, I did experience a very minor amount of shedding, but that seems to have stopped. Honestly, I’ve seen worse shedding from some MAC brushes.
The Classic Fan Natural brush was shockingly large and full. I’ve been using it as a really effective finishing brush to pop a little highlighting powder on my cheekbones, or to give my face one last pass with my HD finishing powder. It’s also great for brushing away any eyeshadow fallout you might have on your cheeks. Just sweeps it right off!
The Natural Tapered Kabuki Stick brush was also more substantial than I expected. The full, tapered brush is perfect for contouring and blending. I use it with both liquid and powder contour colors with equally great results. I knew my contouring was on point with this brush when my grandma said to me, “I can tell you’re losing weight. I can see it in your face.” My grandma does NOT hand out those “you look thinner” compliments unless she really thinks it’s true, so, JOKE’S ON YOU, NANA. I have not lost weight, I ate 3 cookies for 4th Meal last night.
Overall, I’m super happy with my brush purchase. The quality is great, and the prices are crazy! Right now, Coastal Scents is having a 40% off everything New Year’s sale. Today is the last day, but you can still get both of these brushes. I’ve found that buying and using new brushes is a great way to improve your application skills. You can learn how to get better by experimenting with new tools! Plus, hello, super fun! These prices are also good if there is a technique or type of brush you’ve been curious about, but you’ve been hesitant to spend the money. Just be sure to always wash and thoroughly dry new brushes before using them!
***UPDATE*** Both of these brushes are shedding, with the Kabuki brush being the biggest offender. I’m still using them, but I expect more shedding with each wash.
I’m not a black Friday shopper. Going to stand in line in the cold, after I’ve stuffed myself with Thanksgiving sounds so terrible. I can only assume that the entire area out in front of Best Buy, on Thursday night, smells like turkey farts. Maybe some people are into that kind of thing, but I ain’t. It doesn’t sound fun, it sounds like my nightmare. So, yeah. I won’t do that.
What I will do is set my alarm for 5:45 AM, drop my phone trying to shut off the alarm, get out of bed, stumble into my office, and fight other beauty aficionados online for a piece of a limited supply of heavily discounted lipstick. All with my boobs out. That’s what I did on Friday morning, and I was able to score one of Urban Decay’s insane black Friday deals. They had a bundle of six of their gorgeous Revolution lipsticks on sale for $50!! That’s $132 worth of lipstick for $50!! I’m getting lightheaded just remembering it. Apparently, there was a super short supply of this deal. I don’t know how I was able to make it happen, but I did. I’m like one of those people at Target who manages to get one of the two $60 big screen TVs, right? Everyone tries to get them, but nobody can get them. Well, I got the makeup equivalent of that. Eat it, everyone else! I’m a champion! Also, I’m a sore winner. Everyone else doesn’t have to eat it, but I’m still a champion. I actually do feel bad for the people who weren’t able to get this bundle. I know what that feels like, it’s frustrating.
I also got a TON of stuff from Coastal Scents. I haven’t tried anything from them yet, but everyone else seems to be a fan. I picked up a bunch of 99 cent eyeshadows, discounted brushes, and a palette to hold the shadows. That sale is still going on. Everything on their site is 50% off. So, it’s a good time to grab crazy colored shadows you might not risk otherwise and stock up on brushes.
Floss Gloss was having a sale on Friday night, and I was finally able to pick up their Selena tribute color! I’ve been whimpering about this polish ever since they released it a couple weeks ago. I can’t wait to try it! They’re having a Cyber Monday sale today, so if you’ve been a fan of any of the colors I’ve swatched here, today is a good day to grab them for 30% off.
Whew! I was on a rampage! My credit card is smoking! Look for alllll this and more coming up soon! Also, look for my beautiful face shining upon all of you when I get all this new stuff in. I can’t wait for it to start showing up. The FedEx truck pulls up, and I get goosebumps. In my bra. Haha! Just kidding! I’m not wearing a bra! DOWN WITH BIG UNDERWIRE!
