Floss Gloss, Nails

Floss Gloss Nail Lacquer in Blood, Suede & Tears

floss gloss blood suede and tears

Blood, Suede & Tears, Floss Gloss, $8

I picked up Blood, Suede & Tears during Floss Gloss’ flash sale a few weeks ago. I’d been hovering around it since its release at the beginning of summer, so a sale gave me a good excuse to finally give in to DESIRE.

This polish originally debuted as part of their “Super 70s Summer Collection,” but I haven’t seen a color this 90s since, like, 1996.

It is SO 90s.

I know these things happen in cycles, so it was only a matter of time before brown cosmetics made their way back into my life. Next up, TINY MACRAME BACKPACK!!

When Blood, Suede & Tears showed up at my house, I was a little taken aback by exactly how BROWN it was. I was like, “Sarah. Are you ready for this? Can you handle this? You know this brown polish is just going to be a gateway to brown lipstick.”


I do love this polish though. I LOVE this polish.

Like I said, in the bottle, it was so, so brown. On the nail, it was a warm, orangey, burgundy. It’s the color of chocolate syrup!! It’s warm and vampy, perfect for fall. 1994 me would have freaked out. She would have gone crazy for it, paired it with her brown lipstick, laced up her Docs, and gone back to talking to boys wearing flannels.

floss gloss blood suede and tears pic

Brown lipstick, check. Oversized henley shirt, check. Bad attitude, check.

I swear to you, I can still see a SEVENTEEN editorial from the 90s all about different shades of brown lipsticks and polishes that featured a color just like this. I remember it because I thought it looked so good. I wanted it for my back to school look!!

Allow me to demonstrate exactly how 90s this color is by juxtaposing it with a bunch of stuff from the 90s that still lives in my house:

floss gloss blood suede and tears kurt

Aww, cheer up, guy! It gets better! 

floss gloss blood suede and tears collage


floss gloss blood suede and tears zines

ZINES, YOU GUYS. NOT PICTURED: The zine I used to make.

Do you know how hard I had to look for those zines? Not hard at all! They were just sitting on my desk! I don’t know why!

In conclusion, of course the grrrls at Floss Gloss would be the ones to turn me back to brown polish. They always seem to know what I want before I do. It’s weird. Some might say it’s….eerie. Indiana. Eerie, Indiana.

Get it?!

It’s a show from the 90s. How old are you!?

Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.

Buy Blood, Suede & Tears HERE.

Eyeshadow, Face, Floss Gloss, Lips, Personal, Sephora Collection, Smashbox

Birthday List

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve tried to become the kind of person who can just be cool about their birthday; or, one of those people who can at least pretend to be cool about their birthday. It won’t take. I can’t be an, “Oh. It was my birthday last week, I just didn’t say anything. I don’t like to make a big deal,” person. It’s just not in me. I’m sorry, everyone. We’re just going to have to keep eating cake.

Except this year, we’re having pie. Because crust.

Look, I used to make my birthday lists in August. My birthday is less than a month away (Oct. 5th, if you’re curious. LIBRA LADIES REPRESENT.), so I think this is appropriate. As appropriate as a 31 year old woman with a public birthday wish list can be anyways. And this isn’t even everything! This is the stuff I’m super obsessed with right now! PERSONAL GROWTH.

Floss Gloss Nail Lacquers in STUN & DIMEPIECE

fg stun


fg dimepiece


Every time I buy polish from Floss Gloss, I hover over these two glitters. I can never make up my mind, so I just end up without either one of them. Isn’t that a sad story?

I want one of these sexy stickers too.

fg skripper


This sticker would give my laptop a little bit of, how you say, je ne sais ass and titties. It’s subtle, but I think it will work.

Smashbox The Master Class Palette II

smashbox mc2I wanted the original Master Class Palette, but I waited too long, and I didn’t get it. Another sad story! Lucky for all of us Smashbox released their Master Class Palette II! I want to put this into my makeup bag and never let it leave. It will travel everywhere with me! It’ll see the world! Won’t someone PLEASE give this poor palette a chance to make something of itself!?

 Han Cholo – Loco Skull Ring in Brass Plated Gold, in 9

han cholo ring

‘AY. How cool is this ring?! Too fucking cool, right? It would look pretty great on my hands, and it would let everyone know what’s up. Namely, that I’m way, way loco. I take pills for it, but science can only go so far. People think Jason is the one to look out for, because he’s 6’5, and his fists look like hams; but you really gotta watch out for me. While you’re all distracted by Jason way up there, I’ll come in under your eye line and CUT CHU, MANG. Nah. I’m just playin’. I won’t cut chu. UNLESS YOU ASK FOR IT.



5 Drawer Acrylic Case

acrylic makeup storage

I WANT THIS SO BAD! I would really like to be able to see more of my makeup. The majority of it is packed away into a giant train case in my closet. I can’t gaze upon them from there. Also, you guys wouldn’t believe the stuff thats’s just sitting in there, never getting used, because it’s out of sight and out of mind. If you really think about it, this is kind of an investment that actually saves us money! If my forgotten eyeshadows are out where I can see them, they’ll get used, and they won’t go to waste. See! I’ve got all the best moneymaking ideas. You gotta spend money to make money! That’s what I always say. Or is it that I always just say spend money? I can’t remember. Better spend some money just to be on the safe side.

SEPHORA COLLECTION Cream Lip Stain in 04 Endless Purple

sephora lip stain2

I’ve really liked all of the Sephora branded lip products that I’ve bought in the past. In fact, for my birthday last year, I wore one of their matte long wear lipsticks in a crazy hot fuchsia. Natch. It stayed on for a loooong time. Through a lot of drinks, and birthday kisses and dip. I’m into this gloss, I’m curious how it stacks up to the stila stain that was in my Birchbox last month.


Well, there you have it, some of the things that will ease my transition into 32. The rest of the things that will help are drinks, friends, tacos, and pie. And drinks. And pie. And some of that potion from “Death Becomes Her” that keeps you young forever.


Floss Gloss, Nails, SALE

Floss Gloss FLASH SALE

Floss Gloss is having a 20% off flash sale until midnight tonight, 9/06. If you’re not a BIG IDIOT, you’ll get yourself some polish! They have all kinds of gorgeous, sexual colors…

Like this one:

floss gloss moon baby 2

Moon Baby

or this one:

floss gloss dinge 1


How about this one?!

long nails





Definitely this one!


Con Limon

Like I said, the sale is only today, 9/06, until midnight.

Buy Floss Gloss HERE. Enter code: NASCAR for 20% off!

Floss Gloss, Nails

Floss Gloss Fall 2013 Princess of the Night Collection Swatches & Review

floss gloss princess of the night set

L-R, Dinge, Black Holy, Moon Baby, Faded, $8 each

Growing up, the top names to call me at school went like this:

  1. Witch
  2. Lesbian
  3. Daria
  4. Eddie Munster

I was a spooky kid, I guess. That’s cool. I get it. I wore a lot of black and I listened to Nine Inch Nails and The Cure. I have a widow’s peak. I was not an active volleyball participant in gym. I don’t know why they were calling me a lesbian though, that one is still a mystery.


Does that tell you all you need to know about how I’d feel about a polish collection called, “Princess of the Night?”

I’m all over it like Glenn Danzig on a bench press. I’m excited like it’s 1995, it’s my friend’s slumber party, somehow I got to pick the movie, and that movie is “The Crow.”

Let’s conjure up some bad bruja nails, boos.


I was really impressed with the coverage from these colors; the creamy, glossy formula applied beautifully. The polish flowed onto my nails from the brush, with both Black Holy and Faded being almost completely opaque with only one coat. I love it. Watery black polishes, get the fuck out of here.

All colors were swatched using two coats of polish and my Seche Vite top coat.


Moon Baby is a cool, icy baby blue with gray undertones. I had no idea how much I would love this color, but it’s so eye catching on the nail, it’s my favorite color of the whole collection. My polish rack is full of blues, but I don’t have anything like Moon Baby.

floss gloss moon baby 1

floss gloss moon baby 2

floss gloss moon baby 3


Dinge is a cool, dirty, fleshy pink. Floss Gloss has described it as the color of beat up Capezios, and that’s totally accurate. It’s an incredibly sexy sort of nude, and it’s running a close second to Moon Baby for the title of #1 STUNNER in this collection.

floss gloss dinge 1

floss gloss dinge 3

floss gloss dinge 2


Faded was such a tricky color to photograph! My camera was refusing to pick up the accurate stony color of this polish. They say Faded is the color of faded tattoo ink, and that’s totally right! But, what is that?! Is it navy blue? Kind of? Not really! It’s hard to describe, but it looks rad as fuck. It photographed really dark, but I don’t think it looks this dark in person.

floss gloss faded 1

floss gloss faded 2

floss gloss faded 3


Black is the classic nail color for girls of the witchy persuasion, and I consider myself a connoisseur. Glossy, deep, perfect, creamy black. It’s my good, old, classic fave getting the treatment it deserves.

floss gloss black holy 1

floss gloss black holy 2

floss gloss black holy 3

I really loved this colors in this collection. It’s nice to see something other than the usual dark jewel tones and burgundies for fall; and although half the colors in the collection are very light, they don’t read pastel or sugary sweet. Floss Gloss has nailed the “light-colors-that-look-dark” concept, and it evokes a chilliness that’s perfect for fall and winter.

I’m already rocking Moon Baby full time, and I’m really looking forward to wearing Dinge next. I’m all hyped for fall now! BYE, SUMMER. TAKE YOUR SWEATY BANGS AND GO.

Buy the Princess of the Night collection HERE.

Floss Gloss, Hex Nail Jewelry, Nails

Hex Nail Jewelry Cobra

hex nail jewelry cobra


When I think of cobras, I think of the line in The Cramps song, “Sheena’s In a Goth Gang,” that says Sheena’s in “the Cult of the Cobra.” So, I call this nail look, “Sarah’s In a Goth Gang.”

If you don’t click play on that, I feel sorry for you.

Sarah’s in a goth gang! Sarah’s in a goth gang! Sarah’s in a goth gang nowwwww! I love it when I can easily make a song about myself, I hate having to force it.

Now to the important stuff!

I don’t remember how I discovered Hex Nail Jewelry, and their gold plated brass nail charms, but the first night I was on their site, I had a cart FULL of product. They’re SO boss, and at $1.75 each, it’s easy to pick out a bunch of them. When I finally placed my order, I had some big decisions to make, I was like, “Cobra or scorpion? Cobra or scorpion? BOTH.” I didn’t get the spider though, I have some self-restraint.

My delivery came really fast, so, +1 right away, right? I decided on the cobra first, because I had the opportunity to finally try PARTYBRUISE, and I was already thinking “Sarah’s In a Goth Gang” to myself. I’m always thinking that to myself.

After my two coats of polish and top coat were completely dry, it was time for the main event….

Hang on.

My nails don’t look that great because, FULL DISCLOSURE, I did them with pizza fingers while I was drinking beers, watching Project Runway and talking with my soul sister. It was a nail pizza party! So, basically, two of the best kinds of parties you can have with a friend! Slumber party would be another, key party would be another, NEW YEAR’S PARTY IS ONE! New Year’s Party is like a slumber party and a key party all rolled into one! A chaste key party, but still! I kiss a lot of friends on the lips at midnight, I’ll tell you that much. A lot.

So, the nail charms. Honestly, I fucked mine up a little bit. They make them so hard to fuck up, they’re curved to fit the bend of your nail and everything, but I figured out a way. Here’s what happened, to put them on your nail, you place a tiny bead of nail glue where you want the charm, then, you put the charm on top of the nail glue. Easy. Really easy. Well, I dropped the charm onto the nail glue, then I went, “Mmm….no,” and tried to slide it over a little with my finger. I instantly got my fingertip stuck to the charm and my nail by the still wet glue, yanked my finger up, ripped up the charm by accident, screamed, then had to press it back down, and hope like hell there was enough glue left to keep it stuck to my nail. There was. But, now I had nail glue stuck all over my fingers and the charm. Next time, I’m going to use an orange stick to make adjustments. Hex says you don’t need to put a top coat over the charm once it’s stuck to the nail glue, but I had kind of scuffed mine up with glue, so I threw a top coat over it to shine it up a little. I fucked that up too. I put the top coat on under my ceiling fan, so it went on all thick and stringy.

I think it really speaks to the radness of this nail charm that despite my best efforts, it still looks great. I’ve been wearing this cobra on my nails since Saturday, and it hasn’t snagged on anything, popped off, or lifted. It’s worked out great because my polish is starting to look like it wants to be changed.

To remove the charms, you just pick them off, and wipe the glue residue from your nail with polish remover. Then, you can throw the charm in your jewelry box to reuse!

I love my little baggie of charms, I already have my next manicure planned out!

Buy Hex Nail Jewelry HERE.

P.S. When I think of cobras, I think of this too:

P.P.S. If this entry seems super long and meandering, please know I’m on drugs. I need a backeotomy, but I’m on drugs and a heating pad. I *need* to be trying to work up my photo space because my poor backdrop went into the trash. Instead, I’m going to put a bunch of pillows under my knees and wait for someone to come pull the plug because I’m obviously falling apart. See?! Meandering! Shut up, Sarah!

Floss Gloss, Nails


floss gloss wavepool

Summertime refreshment for size queens.

We know I’m FLOSS GLOSS obsessed, right? Like, I embarrass myself on Twitter all the time gushing about the colors, and bothering Janine and Aretha for preorder information and whatnot. I can’t help it! They keep making my dream colors! What the fuck else am I supposed to do? Play it cool? HELL NAW.

floss gloss wavepool 2


WAVEPOOL is a color from the last order I received. I’m a total sucker for creamy aqua blues, I have tons of them. But this color was really different in its warm baby blue vibrancy, and its apparent lack of green.

You know how when you look at the pool on a really sunny day, and the bottom looks so perfect and blue and retina searing and you just want to swim down into the center of it? That’s the color of this polish. It is flat out deep end-beers on a raft-“watch my dive!” awesome. All it needs are some blinding sunlight sparkles bouncing off of it, and the smell of sunblock.

Their formula worked great for this color. It was opaque in two coats, and it dried matte. One coat of my top coat, and I was good to go.

Summer is going to be over soon, but there’s still lots of time to grab WAVEPOOL and play twinsies with your swimming pool. And hey, if you’re looking forward to next season, you can preorder their Fall line now.


P.S. I just found out that not everyone knows the importance of using a base coat. Always use a base coat on your fingers. Your manicure will last longer, and your nails won’t get stained.

Floss Gloss, Nails, Upcoming

Floss Gloss Fall 2013 Peep Show

The Baberaham Lincolns at Floss Gloss leaked their Fall 2013, ‘Princess of the Night’ collection, and it is THA DOPENESS.


floss gloss moon baby preview

“‘MOON BABY’ – An icy, yet dusty, baby- blue creme”

floss gloss dinge preview

“‘DINGE’ – a bad girl nude with a touch of pink and of course dinginess”

**I’ve been looking for a nude this color for YEARS**

floss gloss black holy preview

“‘BLACK HOLY’ – glossy black”

floss gloss faded preview

“‘FADED’ – inspired by faded tattoo ink”

**SUPER excited for this color too!!**

What do you guys think? I’m so into it, last night, I was sitting in bed, quietly putting the lotion on the skin, and Jason says, “What are  you thinking about? You look like you’ve got something on your mind?” And I was like, “I’m just thinking about the Floss Gloss Fall line. I’m planning out my color combinations for my fingers and toes. I’ve got it all figured out.”

I’m going “DINGE” on my fingers and “FADED” on my toes first.

I really can’t wait. I’m stalking around all their social media pages waiting for the preorder to drop. I haven’t been this into an entire nail collection since “Thakoon for Nars” Summer 2012, and I look at A LOT of nail polish.

They will be mine. Oh yes. They will be mine.


Floss Gloss, Nails

A Farewell to Nails

I have to trim off these beautiful babies today. They’ve turned against me in a spectacular fashion.

long nails

Color: Fastlane by Floss Gloss

I lost a nail, on my left hand, pulling up my wet bathing suit the other night. It snapped straight across, and up so high, I couldn’t pull it off.  I tried to wait until I got home to handle it, but it was so blindingly painful every time I accidentally touched it, I broke down and used someone else’s unclean nail scissors to cut it off. HORRIFYING! That’s an esthetician’s nightmare right there. You can’t unlearn all that cross contamination stuff.

Two of my other nails are on the verge of a similar fate. I can see they’ve already tried to split across the middle, but not at the edges. One of my thumbs, just this morning, broke beyond my patching abilities. That’s pretty gruesome stuff.

They gots ta go! I’m sad, but I don’t think I’m the one who’s going to miss them the most.

rowdy scratchers

Floss Gloss, Nails

Floss Gloss Lacquer in Pony


Pony, Floss Gloss, $8

Floss Gloss is really good at introducing colors I didn’t know I desperately needed. Neon peach is not a color I would have considered for myself before I got Pony, but I’ve fallen in love with it.


What are you, kidding me? How hot is this?! It’s apt the color is called Pony because it’s amazingly sexy and it reminds me of one of the horniest songs of all time, “Pony” by Ginuwine. A hot thing to do, would be to dance a sexy striptease to “Pony” while you run your Pony tipped fingers all over your sexxxay boddday. BAM. Unstoppable.

This color make me look super tan, and it gives me, what I like to call, DIVA HANDS or LADY HANDS. Like Babs.



This is my third bottle of Floss Gloss polish. I’ve been wearing their colors, exclusively, for almost a month, and they’re all great. Combined with my base and top coats, I’ve gotten at least a week’s wear, without chipping, from each bottle. I really appreciate that, especially since chips are so much more obvious on bright colors. I’ve also noticed that, during all three manicures, I thought I messed up the wet polish enough to warrant removal and re-polishing, but by the time I’d finish the top coat on the rest of my fingers, that bumped, smeared, or otherwise gooped up nail would have leveled itself out to the point that I could just put on top coat and everything was perfect.

My camera couldn’t do this color justice. In some light it was brighter and orangey, in some light it was a soft pink, in photos, it was more nude. All week, I’ve been wracking my brain, trying to remember where I’d seen this color before.

Last night, it finally hit me.


All the shades I’ve seen in Pony, you can see here.

WHEW! THANK GAWD I was able to nail it down. It was driving me crazy!

Besides being dope as hell, Pony is just flat out pretty. I actually had the thought to myself that I wished I could go back in time and wear it at my wedding.

I’m legitimately sad to have to take this polish off to swatch another color.

Buy it HERE.

Floss Gloss, Nails

Floss Gloss Nail Lacquer in Con Limon


Con Limon by Floss Gloss, $8

OK. I don’t want to say that I’m straight up slaying the natural nail game right now, but, I am. It’s just facts. This color just took my life to a whole new place and now my nails are on some next level shit.



As you can see, I’m also slaying the shower curtain game. I have got it goin’ on! GOTDAMN!

The second I saw Con Limon, there was never any doubt we were meant to be together. It was gut punch love at first sight. And when I put it on my nails, I never wanted to take it off.

After one use, Con Limon has joined China Glaze’s “For Audrey” and Rescue Beauty Lounge’s “IKB 2012” in the upper echelon of “POLISHES I WEAR MORE THAN ONCE.” This is big time stuff, but I think Con Limon is up for it.

Some of you may know that it’s customary to lay down a coat of white polish under neon colors to keep them from blending into your nails, and make them pop. Before I started my Con Limon manicure, I tweeted Floss Gloss and asked if they suggested I do that under their polish. They responded and told me it wasn’t necessary, that Con Limon would be opaque in two coats without any white under it.

A likely story.


As is the case with all creamy neons I’ve used, Con Limon applied a little streaky at first, but by the second coat, it was indeed fully opaque. I was pretty impressed, actually. Two coats of neon, without any white undercoat, and there wasn’t any visible nail line. I did a third coat just to even out some places where I had missed the second pass, and the color was the perfect neon lime green of my fantasies.

Everything I do with my hands is so dope now.

Cracking eggs? Dope.

Folding manderwear? So sexual.

Voguing in the mirror? BEYOND FLY.

This polish has turned my “Why give handies when I can give vaginies?” worldview upside down. I don’t know who I am anymore! But, isn’t that the best you can hope for in this world today? To have your ideals challenged? Learning and growing and wondering if you should start giving more hand jobs because your nails look so cool.

Ah. Life.

And hey, stickers!



I am so in love with this color, the little bottle it comes in, and every fucking thing else on the Floss Gloss site. Con Limon is going to be a year round color for me. It’s obviously good for summer, but I will def be flashing it when it gets cold.

Buy it HERE.