Category Archives: Lips

Lips, OCC

OCC Lip Tar Pretty Boy

lipsticky

I tried OCC Lip Tar in Pretty Boy ($18), yesterday, and LOOK HOW HAPPY IT MADE ME! This is pretty much one of my very favorite lip colors, in general. Give me the opportunity, and I’ll pick a blue based fuchsia 9 times out of 10. I’m drawn to them like they’re bearded dudes with forearm tattoos, or chihuahuas with big ears, or my couch.

The couch that’s right there, in my line of vision, totally empty, just all alone and sad…

I’ve been neglecting the couch all week. That’s so sad when you’re close to someone and you just start to grow apart…

WHOA WHERE WAS I? My mind control is too strong and I just hypnotized myself thinking about the couch while I listened to “Still D.R.E.” I got all in a couch/Dre mindfreak. Yikes.

That’s like when you find yourself slipping into sleep without any dreams, just darkness, and you snap awake realizing how easy it would be to just die one day.

You guys know what I mean?

WHOA WHERE WAS I AGAIN?

Lip Tar will keep us all together here, back to Lip Tar.

OCC really has a fantastic lip product in these Lip Tars. Pretty Boy is a gorgeous “super rich fuchsia,” that looks really great as a satin finish on its own, or so obscenely sexy with a shiny gloss over it. I’m wearing it above with just a quick swipe of my Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment over the top to keep my lips hydrated.

The color stayed on until I removed it myself, so it wore just like I’d expect from this product.

I’m going to go back to Sephora to buy it for my collection.

After I spend some time with my couch, obviously. I don’t want to cause some kind of “Cat’s in the Cradle” situation between us, I’m not an unfeeling monster.

 

 

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Lips, OCC

OCC Lip Tar Queen

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OCC Lip Tar in Queen, $18

These OCC Lip Tars are some serious shit.

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I bought this color. In the store, it looked peachier, but at home, it was much pinker. Queen is described as a “bright coral pink,” and that’s pretty accurate. It’s bright pink, but it doesn’t have enough purple in it to be fuchsia. My BFF and I tried it together when I opened it for the first time, at home, and it was so cool and fun there were actual squeals of delight (she gives it her Sam’s Seal of Approval, btw).

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Even though I was expecting a different color, I was happy with how it came out. It’s a really great Spring/Summer color.

The staying power makes it great for summer too.

I tested how it held up to heat and heavy sweating while I was trying on clothes at the mall just now. Does everyone else totally sweathog it in the dressing rooms like I do? I don’t know if it’s the lights or the pressure or what, but the second I start pulling my clothes off, I become a thousand degrees. So then I’m trying to pull pants legs over my shoes, and my hair is sticking to my forehead, and OH MY GOD IS THAT WHAT I LOOK LIKE FROM BEHIND, all while Chris Farley level sweat is springing out of my upper lip. Usually, I end up wiping my lipstick off so it doesn’t smear, but that wasn’t a concern today. The Lips Tars don’t go anywhere.

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This is after about 5 hours of wear. Eating, drinking, swearing, etc.

When applying Lip Tar, you put a tiny dot of color onto the enclosed lip brush, and paint from the center of your lips out. If you put your little drop of Lip Tar on your brush, and you think, “I don’t know. That doesn’t seem like enough,” it’s probably enough. Trust me, it’s better to just start out with less than you think you’ll need, a little bit of Lip Tar goes a really long way. Their site warns against using too much and running the risk or your lip color feathering. That’s Gangie status right there.

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Not that Gangie would ever let her lipstick feather. But you know what I mean, feathered lip lines are for old ladies.

OCC Lip Tars apply like a gloss, but they dry down to a NOT STICKY satin lipstick type finish. You can build from a stain to full coverage very easily, and they’re so heavily pigmented, that every level of application has vivid color payoff. Although they do dry, they are non-drying to your lips. Most long wear lipsticks and glosses make your mouth feel gross when they dry, but the Lip Tar left my mouth feeling like, well, like my mouth. There are 46 colors, and they’re made for mixing. The possibilities are extraordinary!

I’m so in love with these Lip Tars now. I want to buy all 46 colors, scatter them all over our bed, and do it on them!

Buy OCC Lip Tar HERE.

 

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Bargain Beauty, Cleansers, Lips, Masks

Pretty Cheap, Vol. 1

The drugstore is the first place we all started experimenting with crazy beauty, right? If you were like me, you were young, you only had birthday money, and you were obsessed with Long’s Drugstore. They had all the best shit! Tons of face glitter and lots of cheap nail polish to shoplift.

Nail polish and toe rings….

Now that I’m too old to get busted for shoplifting without it being totally humiliating, and I have a debit card, I still like to peruse the drugstore for cheap beauty products. Scoring a good deal on a quality product is fucking intoxicating. I like to buy a bunch of stuff, show it all to Jason, and then gloat about how, “If you think about it, I’m really making us money by buying all this cheap product!” He says that’s not how it works, I say he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

So, today I’m introducing you guys to some of my very favorite discount beauty buys. These are all products that I’ve extensively tested and re-bought. They’re all good, they’re all cheap, and they’re all super easy to find at Target, Ulta, the grocery store, and online.

Pick up your Cipro and some lip gloss all at once! Let’s do it!

Queen Helene Mint Julep Masquemint masque

Ulta, $3.99

Don’t let the dated packaging and low price fool you, this mask is the real deal. Like, old school, thick and bright green. It’s straight up Mrs. Doubtfire status.

hellooo

HELLOOOO!

Haha! I love it! Mrs. Doubtfire, you are SO CRAZY!

Queen Helene’s Mint Julep Masque has a clay like consistency, which is why it hardens as it dries. This part can hurt a little. I don’t know, maybe it’s pulling on the hypothetical peach fuzz I definitely do not have on my chin. After 15 games of Bejeweled, rinse it off, and rewash your face with your cleanser. You should see brighter and clearer looking skin. It definitely helps with blackheads and drying up zits. The site claims it “shrinks enlarged pores,” but that’s bullshit because that’s impossible.

In fact, let’s clear this up right now:

ANY BEAUTY PRODUCT THAT CLAIMS TO “SHRINK” YOUR PORES IS LYING TO YOU. YOUR PORES ARE THE SIZE THEY ARE AND THERE ISN’T ANYTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

All beauty products can do is decrease the appearance of your pores by cleaning them out. I’m sorry. I wish it wasn’t this way, but it is. But, hey, if you’re in the market for a mask that will decrease the appearance of your pores, this one will do it. The mint can sting a little, so if you have extremely sensitive skin, tread carefully. I’ve been using this mask for years, and I buy it over more expensive masks all the time.

ETA: A friend left a comment about her experience with the mask, “When I was younger than 20, it was fine. Now that my skin is aging, it is asking for trouble. It dries me out way too much, it burns like hell, and leaves me with a thin, frail, red mess.”

So, fair warning for all you tender faced readers! You could maybe still use it in spots; if my cheeks are feeling really dry, I’ll only put it on my nose and forehead. But, if you have qualms, spot test first.

Revlon ColorBurst Lip Butter

lip butter

Drugstore.com, $5.99

I’m a sucker for products that have the word “butter” in the name. I’m drawn right to it! I don’t know what that says about me other than the obvious; I’m hungry and susceptible.

Revlon’s Lip Butters go on so smoothly. Even the colors with shimmer in them don’t really drag or get caught up if your lips aren’t in great condition. Which is good for me because, as I’ve stated earlier, I gnaw on my poor mouth. The color payoff is good, with finishes ranging from sheer to dark. They have a balm like consistency, but they don’t seem particularly moisturizing. If that’s a concern for you, you can apply them over whatever lip moisturizer you use. They’re great for summer because they’re light, they aren’t sticky, and they don’t travel all over your face.

“Peach Parfait” is my oh-shit-I-don’t-have-lipstick-on emergency kit. It’s a fantastic nude that’s always in my purse, and it looks great with almost any eye makeup I might be wearing. I loved that first color so much, I bought two more, “Cupcake” and “Tutti Frutti.”

I was just embarrassed for myself typing out, “Tutti Frutti.” That sounds like a grandma lipstick.

These Lip Butters are such a great deal. The quality is great and the price is awesome. You can even find them on sale all the time! BONUS!

Yes to Blueberries Facial Towelettes

yestoblueberries

Amazon, 30 ct., $5.99

Look. I hate washing my face as much as everybody else. I especially hate it when it’s after 2:00 AM, and I’m, um, three sheets to an ill wind.

So many vodka tonics

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washing my makeup off over the sink

=

“FUCKITI’LLJUSTGETZITSIDON’TCARESOMEBODYTAKEMETODELTACO!!!!”

Followed by all the things on the bathroom counter being knocked over. I’m great at holding it together at the bars, but the second I get into the car with Jason, I go crazy! I’m like Roger Rabbit when you give him liquor; all broken windows and steam coming out of my ears.

OK, I’ve never broken any windows. But, I did once flood my mom’s front room because I passed out in the shower with my leg over the drain.

If I’d had these facial towelettes then, I never would have gotten into the shower that fateful morning! I would have just wiped my face, and gone to bed. Then, the whole 80s movie montage that went down when I woke up and had to frantically clean up all the water because MY PARENTS WERE COMING HOME EARLY never would have happened.

It sounds like I was 17 when this happened, but I was 23. Oops!

Well, I didn’t quite learn my lesson, I still drunkenly climb into bathtubs and showers. But, it happens a lot less often. For real, the ability to be able to just wipe off my makeup at the end of the night is such a relief.

These towelettes are perfect for taking off face makeup, and eye shadows, but they’re not great for effectively removing all of your eye liner and mascara. It can be done, it just takes a little more work. I don’t really care about that for this product because I’m not using it as my primary cleanser. Besides, who doesn’t like a little sexy, smudged party eye?

I like to wipe my face with them, then rinse out the cloth and give my skin one more pass. That way, I can pick up any extra cleanser or makeup that’s left behind. They clean your skin, and they moisturize too. So, if you’re drunk or just lazy you’re all set!

*****

Put these products on your Target lists. Don’t shoplift them!

Shoplifting is for 13 year olds with attitude problems. And Winona Ryder.

Are you a 13 year old or Winona Ryder?

No. You’re not.

Shoplifting and teenage suicide, DON’T DO IT.

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Lips, Maintenance

Lip Prep School

I was 15 or 16 the first time I wore bright red lipstick out in public. I felt really ostentatious and awkward, like I might be doing something dumb, and I felt like for sure everyone was looking at me. It was the same sort of scary feeling I’d experienced the day I debuted my rhinestoned cat eyed white sunglasses into the world.

Scary, but SO RIGHT.

I’ve been in love with bright lip colors ever since then. There is no better way to insure that I will spend lots of time pouting at myself in the mirror than to hand me a tube of red lipstick. I will stand there, making erotic mouths at myself, all day.

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(Photo of my own sexymouth that was already on my phone.)

(I should be embarrassed.)

I like to wear bright lipstick as often as I can. Unfortunately, I also like to sometimes gnaw my lips into a shredded disaster area. Luckily, these two hobbies of mine CAN coexist thanks to my ultra effective lip repair regimen. I do these steps almost every time I decide to wear a bright or creamy lipstick.

STEP ONE – We can have lots of fun. Moisturizing.

For day to day wear, not all lip balms are created equal. But for this, you can use anything that will moisturize your lips. The goal is to get all that dead skin and gross crud really soft and ready to be sloughed. Get that Chapstick, butter, or whatever and apply a generous amount – really pile it on. Now, go do something else for at least ten minutes.

STEP TWO – There’s so much we can do…to exfoliate your lips.

OK. We let our mouths get a good soak in all that grease. It’s time to scrub it all off! You can use a wet, warm washcloth, your toothbrush, or one of the many available lip exfoliants. I prefer to use LUSH’s Mint Julips Sugar Lip Scrub; it’s good and scrubby, it doesn’t dissolve right away, and it’s zero Weight Watchers points. I mean, probably, right? That’s what I tell myself when I’m eating it off my own mouth anyways.

Take your exfoliator, a little bit of warm water, and gently scrub your lips in circular motions. Scrub them until they feel nice and smooth. Sometimes, if my lips are especially chewed up, I’ll apply more lip balm and come back and exfoliate again a few hours later.

STEP THREE – It’s just you and me. (Me, in this case, is your chapstick.)

After you’ve given your lips a rough, but loving exfoliation, you need to apply more moisturizer. They’ll be super soft and pillowy, so now is when you want to use something good, and not something that dries out your lips. My very favorite lip moisturizer is Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment. It’s a little higher priced, but since I started using it, my lips have never been so consistently soft, even when I’m not wearing it. Smith’s Rosebud Salve is also a really great product. It’s only $6, and you can use it on your cuticles too. Whatever you use, slather it on those smooth kissy lips!

STEP FOUR – I can give you more…opportunities to wear dramatic lip colors!

I do this moisturize/exfoliate thing about once a week. Sometimes, in the shower, I’ll just run whatever face exfoliator I’m using over my lips while they’re soft from the warm water. The trick is to make it a part of your regular routine. The couple of minutes of hands on time is worth it for how good it makes your lips feel, and for the joy of putting on a hot lip color and having it not look like shit.

STEP FIVE – Don’t you know that the time has arrived.

FOR ME TO STOP WITH THIS TERRIBLE NEW KIDS THING I STARTED.

HUHHH!

NKOTB

(L to R: my boyfriend, Jordan, Monkeyface, poor Jonathan, Ugh. Donnie)

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