I’m not a black Friday shopper. Going to stand in line in the cold, after I’ve stuffed myself with Thanksgiving sounds so terrible. I can only assume that the entire area out in front of Best Buy, on Thursday night, smells like turkey farts. Maybe some people are into that kind of thing, but I ain’t. It doesn’t sound fun, it sounds like my nightmare. So, yeah. I won’t do that.
What I will do is set my alarm for 5:45 AM, drop my phone trying to shut off the alarm, get out of bed, stumble into my office, and fight other beauty aficionados online for a piece of a limited supply of heavily discounted lipstick. All with my boobs out. That’s what I did on Friday morning, and I was able to score one of Urban Decay’s insane black Friday deals. They had a bundle of six of their gorgeous Revolution lipsticks on sale for $50!! That’s $132 worth of lipstick for $50!! I’m getting lightheaded just remembering it. Apparently, there was a super short supply of this deal. I don’t know how I was able to make it happen, but I did. I’m like one of those people at Target who manages to get one of the two $60 big screen TVs, right? Everyone tries to get them, but nobody can get them. Well, I got the makeup equivalent of that. Eat it, everyone else! I’m a champion! Also, I’m a sore winner. Everyone else doesn’t have to eat it, but I’m still a champion. I actually do feel bad for the people who weren’t able to get this bundle. I know what that feels like, it’s frustrating.
I also got a TON of stuff from Coastal Scents. I haven’t tried anything from them yet, but everyone else seems to be a fan. I picked up a bunch of 99 cent eyeshadows, discounted brushes, and a palette to hold the shadows. That sale is still going on. Everything on their site is 50% off. So, it’s a good time to grab crazy colored shadows you might not risk otherwise and stock up on brushes.
Floss Gloss was having a sale on Friday night, and I was finally able to pick up their Selena tribute color! I’ve been whimpering about this polish ever since they released it a couple weeks ago. I can’t wait to try it! They’re having a Cyber Monday sale today, so if you’ve been a fan of any of the colors I’ve swatched here, today is a good day to grab them for 30% off.
Whew! I was on a rampage! My credit card is smoking! Look for alllll this and more coming up soon! Also, look for my beautiful face shining upon all of you when I get all this new stuff in. I can’t wait for it to start showing up. The FedEx truck pulls up, and I get goosebumps. In my bra. Haha! Just kidding! I’m not wearing a bra! DOWN WITH BIG UNDERWIRE!
I know I’ve been on a lip color kick lately. I know this. I just can’t help myself! I love lip stuff! Lipstick is mostly my jam, because I HATE getting my hair stuck in a sticky lipgloss pout. But, BUT….this new lipgloss from Maybelline has me rethinking my lip life choices.
Maybelline has really stepped up the drugstore lip game as of late. After I loved their Vivids line, I was really excited to try out this Color Elixir line. Maybelline Color Elixir Lipgloss is a FABULOUS lip product. It has pigmentation like lipstick, slides on like lipgloss, and hydrates like a lip balm. The gloss feels cushiony without feeling too sticky. It does leave a little bit of transfer lines when you press your lips together, but I’ve found that after the gloss sits on your lips for a few minutes, that problem sort of goes away. Wear time isn’t crazy long, but when a gloss feels this good to apply, that’s ok! The wand’s mega soft tip makes for easy, precise application, and the color has a slight perfume smell that I actually like. I usually hate that kind of thing, but this one smells really good! It reminds me of something, and I can’t place it. It’s making me slightly crazy, but I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry.
Indoors and in the sun.
I picked up this particular color, because of course I did. I pass by lip displays, I go into a trance, and my hands act on their own; just grabbing all the purple lip products. When I come to, they’re in my basket, and I’m like, “YEAH. GOOD WORK, ME!” Then, I move on to semi-consciously buying thousands of nail polishes that I’ll never wear. I might have a problem. Well, I guess it’s not a problem for me. I like it.
Model mouth, civilian hair.
I freaking love this color. Vision in Violet is a sort of pink, orchid purple. It’s bright, it’s gorgeous, it’s eye catching! I wore it out running errands with a friend who’s colorblind, and he said, “Whoa! That lipstick is PURPLE!” I was like, hell yeah, it is! So, it healed him. My beautiful, bright, shiny mouth healed his colorblindness, and now his whole life is so much better all because I can’t stop buying lipgloss. HALLELOO!
The price on these colors is great, and totally worth it. Even when they wear down, and don’t look as glossy, the color is still really pretty. Also, I did not get a bunch of hair caught in my lips. That’s the worst, because then I’m walking around all unaware about the lashes of lipgloss color flicked all around my mouth and cheeks by my idiot, unruly hair. I can’t have that. I gotta keep rep, bro!
Pick up these colors at Ulta, Target, and most likely wherever else you can buy a better than usual array of drugstore cosmetics. CVS, probably? Yeah, get some ice cream while you’re at it.
The border on this photo is an artistic reinterpretation of what the inside of my pores look like. I think it’s pretty accurate. Also, it hides the fact that I am very obviously topless. Although technically, it’s true, please don’t tell everyone you saw a topless photo of me on the internet, I’d hate to get the world’s hopes ups.
Remember pore strips? Remember how fun they were? Remember how they freaking hurt to take off? I do! Well, I forgot about that hurting to take off part. I remembered with a quickness though!
I’ve had this pore strip hanging around ever since a friend sent me a package of skincare products a couple months ago. I didn’t even realize it WAS a pore strip at first. I thought it was a sample of Boscia’s black mask, which I don’t care for at all. I’ve been putting off using the strip, for one reason or another, since then. But, lately my nose pores have been looking really dirty. Those are pores in the danger zone for me; sometimes I can squeeze them clean without causing a bunch of damage, but mostly I end up with fingernail marks on my nose, and a blemish that only I could see turning into a whopper that everyone can see. Pore strip to the rescue!
When you do things like this, it’s best to do them after you’ve been in the steam and warmth of the shower, that way your pores are open and the crud is softened. So, after a long shower and a thorough cleansing, I applied the strip to my nose. 15 minutes later, it was dry and stiff. Time to pull it off!
On the real, that part hurts. It feels like waxing your nose! But, you know, whatever. Pain is temporary. Clean nose pores are temporary, too, but worth it.
I peeled it off, and OH MAMA!! Huge success! The strip was covered in the contents of my pores. It even pulled out the bigger, darker ones that had really been bothering me. The overall effect was really great. My entire nose looked so much clearer. I hadn’t realized how clogged up it was!
After I removed the strip and stared at it all grossed out for a minute, I rewashed my nose with my cleanser. This is another important step; you don’t want to leave behind any remaining pore dirt all stirred up and half hanging out. They will turn into inflamed monsters the second they get the chance! Plus, you want to clean up any residue leftover from the strip.
After the strip and cleansing, my nose was a little red, but it went away quickly. I was left with a much cleaner and smoother looking nose, and my pores looked much smaller.
These boscia strips are more expensive than the usual drugstore strips, but they’re nicer, more effective, and they include useful ingredients like witch hazel and charcoal powder. I’ll probably pick up a box for myself because the nose pores issue is a big one for me as I am genetically predisposed to having large pores. My dad has HUGE pores on his nose. It’s gross. No offense, dad.
Don’t worry, he’s not offended. He knows the insides of his nose pores are gross. When I was a kid, to our great delight, he used to do this thing where he would push up, hard, underneath the tip of his nose and squirt out the contents of the pores. It was like a super nasty Play-Doh machine, and we would squeal and run around all grossed out, but then we’d make him do it again. Super sick, totally fun! Dads!
I’m about to wax reeeeeal rhapsodic about some lipstick, y’all. So, get ready!
When the Marc Jacobs Beauty line was launched, it was dizzying. Everything was so beautiful, and it all looked so sumptuous…it was impossible to figure out where to start! So, I put it off forever. But, when the Sephora F&F sale came around, it was time to make it happen.
I chose Role Play because I hardly ever buy neutral or nude colors, and I wanted to see if this lipstick was really worth the hype. Like, if this lipstick was SO AMAZING I’d even love it in a “cubicle” color, it was really some lipstick.
You guys. It is SO AMAZING.
This is the most luxurious lipstick I have used in, like, I don’t know, ever. It glides on so beautifully, without any tugging or friction. It feels cushiony and buttery on my lips. It’s a pleasure to wear. That sounds so stupid, but it’s true. It wears for hours without any feathering, it applies opaque with one application, and it feels hydrating. The tube is heavy and weighted nicely, with a sleek magnetic cap. Everything about this lipstick is extremely satisfying; the way it feels in your hand, on your lips, the delicious click the cap makes when the magnets connect, the way it looks! It’s an A+ product, no doubt.
Role Play is a mid toned dusty rose. It’s a really gorgeous color that goes well with a lot of looks. I’ve worn it with a smoky colored eye and a sort of bronze colored eye with equally awesome results.
Hope you like seeing my face!! Cuz there it is!!
Buy yourself one of these lipsticks. They’re completely fabulous, and totally beautiful. I’m fully endorsing a $30 lipstick. My lipsticks don’t usually cost that much, but I’ll be more than happy to buy another one of these. I’m gonna get something BRIGHT next time!
For a limited time, Sephora and Clarisonic both have the Clarisonic Mia First on sale for only $99! HALLOOOO! WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU GETTING ONE OF THESE!
That’s my Clarisonic up thurr. It’s a beloved member of our household.
I’ve been putting off doing a post about these because they’re pretty expensive, but today is the day! This is why…
Last night, for funsies/research, I sat down and did a full face of makeup. I’m talking FACE BEAT. Foundation, contouring powder, concealer, blush, two different kinds of highlighter, three shadows, my waterproof liquid liner, several coats of mascara, lip liner, lipstick, and a finishing powder. I don’t need to tell you it was fucking beautiful. But, I will. It was fucking beautiful. Later, in the shower, I used a cleanser whose specific job is makeup removal. That’s its whole schtick. After I rinsed my face, I was suspicious of the results, my face just didn’t feel clean, so I took another pass at my skin with my Clarisonic. Would you like to guess what I found?
Tons of makeup on my brush!!! The bristles were tan!
I was properly horrified. I even shook my head in disgust.
BECAUSE I WAS DISGUSTED!
It was at that moment that I decided it was time to do my civic duty, and write my post. So, today, Friday I’m in Love with my Clarisonic!
Like most people probably do, I initially balked at the price. They’re costly, there’s no way around that. But, last night’s experiment was all the validation I needed that mine was worth the money.
I bought my brush after The Great Kiehl’s Disaster of 2010. My skin had been destroyed by a beauty experiment gone awry, and I was desperate for answers. I was breaking out a lot, and my face was dull and rough. My cheeks, specifically, were a mess. They felt thick, like scars, and I was afraid I’d done long term damage. I’d gone back to my old skincare routine, and I was exploring more drastic options, treatments, masks, etc. I did some research on the Clarisonic, convinced Jason it was practically a medical necessity, and bought one.
After my first use, there was a difference; my skin was softer and brighter even using my usual cleanser. A week after I got it, my skin showed a lot of improvement. My makeup went on smoother, my moisturizer absorbed better, and my breakouts stopped. It was the first sign of hope that there could be a turnaround on my skin. I can’t even begin to describe my relief. I was thisclose to adopting a veil over my face when I left the house like I was Blanket Jackson.
Since then, I’ve taken on a routine with my Clarisonic. They say it’s gentle enough to use twice a day, I think that’s overkill. I think using it every day is overkill. I suppose this varies by face, but all my education and real world experience has taught me that it’s very rare for anybody to really need to exfoliate every single day. If you decide to get one, you can easily figure out what’s too much; just pay attention to your skin. Be careful of any redness or soreness, and adjust accordingly. Someone who wears makeup every day should probably use it more often than someone who doesn’t. I don’t wear makeup every day, and I know my face doesn’t like to be exfoliated every night, so I use my Clarisonic 2-3 times a week. Unless I’m reviewing a product for the site, I always use it before I do masks or treatments. It gets your skin very, very clean, and I always include it when I’m wearing A LOT of makeup.
I don’t know how you can justify the price to yourself. If you never get the chance to indulge in spa facials, maybe indulge in a Clarisonic. If you struggle with chronic or frequent skin problems, maybe tell yourself you’re upping the game! To be fair, you for sure would be, so it wouldn’t be a lie. Or, how about maybe you just want one, you are a GROWN WOMAN, and you deserve it! TREAT YO SELF.
HEY! It’s time for people to give you presents, riiiiiiiight? Put it on your list! If you write it there, under “pony,” it looks totally reasonable!
We often joke that Sephora owes me some commission checks because nearly every time I’m in the store, I end up helping a stranger with their purchase. What can I say? I’m super nosy and also very helpful. I’m probably being annoying, but sometimes I have to step in!
Case in point: I overheard a couple trying to find a perfume on the wall. They kept calling it “the Charlize Theron perfume.” I kept my mouth shut, because an employee was nearby, so I figured they’d be on it. Nope! The couple asked for their Charlize Theron perfume, and the salesgirl was like, “Charlize Theron perfume? I don’t know what that is.” I KNOW WHAT IT IS!! ASK ME!! I’M RIGHT HERE!! But, they asked another girl, who had the same response, but she threw in a shrug for good measure. I couldn’t take it anymore. These poor people were just trying to buy a freaking Mother’s Day present, and they were getting nowhere. “It’s Dior J’adore,” I said to the perplexed couple. By this point, a group of three employees had gathered together to try to figure out the answer. So, I said it again, louder, “It’s Dior J’adore. Charlize Theron is the face of Dior right now, she’s in all the commercials for the perfume.” How do they not know this?! Have you seen the runway commercial?! It’s one of my favorite things ever on TV!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXrWiJcmvBI
The couple went over to pick out their gift, and the girls at the counter called someone(?) to try to get to the bottom of the mystery. Why? Because every time I said the answer, one of them rolled their eyes while the rest of them ignored me. Like, look, I know you’re very important and official, but I’ve got eyes. After their call to the Sephora oracle, they came over to tell the customers, “It’s J’adore Dior.”
NO SHIT!
“Ok,” the couple said to the salesgirl. “THANK YOU,” the couple said to me.
What’s the point to this story? I’m a big know-it-all buttinsky, but I know what I’m talking about! Also, that commercial is awesome and beautiful and MEMORABLE.
I’ve been wanting to start an open-ended series of posts about my beauty idols. The people who inspire me, the faces that make me want to be beautiful. I was thinking of starting with someone older than me, someone who has been an influence for decades, but I couldn’t decide where to start. Then, in the middle of the night last night, my first subject showed herself to me. It wasn’t who I thought it would be, but I found myself spooling out a thousand images in my mind that showed me, yes, she’s where to start.
You might be surprised.
WHO’S THAT GIRRRRRRL????
IT’S KIM!
Before you start, let me stop you: Do not even try to come at me with your Kim Kardashian hate. I won’t have it. I don’t hear it. I don’t even care. Whatever comment you have makes you sound prudish/judgmental/sexist/jealous/mad. Sorry bout it! It ain’t welcome here!
Do I care about her sex tape? Not even a tiny bit. Do I think she’s dumb? No, I do not. I think she’s completely self aware and shrewd. If you don’t see the game, you might need to think harder about who’s dumb.
I’m sorry if I sound defensive, but I just spent an hour and a half Googling Kimmie, and the ugly, disgusting, misogynistic things that pop up about her before anything else are disheartening. Why the need to waste so much energy tearing this woman down? The attacks on her are so personal, and so hateful. For what? Why? Because of her money? Because of her body? Why so much hate towards her body?
The woman is an anomaly.
We should all be so lucky! When I look at her, I don’t even get mad about my body. She’s so fantastical, her body is nearly unattainable. Other celebrity bodies, I can comprehend the work that has gone into them. But how Kim’s stomach is so flat, and she keeps her ass so big, I’ll never understand.
I really think people can not handle the fact that she exists in the same real universe as the rest of us. She’s not a cartoon. She’s a living, breathing woman who, by genetics or design, looks impossible. She’s just so outlandishly shaped that she scrambles our brains. One of the best descriptions of Kim I’ve ever read came from Tina Fey, who described her looks as, “…made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.”
When she was pregnant, she looked so fecund, so radiant, she was a modern day fertility goddess. Pregnancy suited her beautifully.
Kimberly! Stahp!!
P.S. Would you like to know what the first autocomplete suggestion was when I Googled “Kim Kardashian pregnant?” Whale. It thought I wanted to Google that her pregnant body makes her look like a whale. It thought it was obvious. That’s so fucking gross. Just let the woman be pregnant. Let her let her body do what it needs and wants to do. Could you imagine? The whole world being so vocally critical of your pregnant body? Horrifying. I guess the argument could be made that such is the price of fame, but do we, as a culture, need to extract every penny so viciously?
Anyways.
Beauty and fashion wise, MEDIA WISE, she’s an icon for the new millennium. I find her constant style reinvention inspiring, and her unapologetic need for glamour bracing. Most often, people, celebrities in particular demur when faced with the question of whether they want all these “things” all these material trappings. Not so for Kim. She is awash in fashion and glitter and expensive things, and she is fine with it. She seems like the kind of person who prefers a hotel to camping, and that doesn’t make her bad. I get that preference! A distaste for roughing it doesn’t make you any less real.
She is SO REAL.
Where our beloved Queen Bey seem so far above the rest of us, Kim lets us see her ugly crying face, she lets us see her painfully mottled feet, swollen from her pregnancy. Kim seems like maybe you knew a girl like her in high school. She would have had on glittery butterfly clips, and you would ride in her Eclipse to go get fries at McDonald’s. She sings along to “No Scrubs” with you. Her bags were more expensive than yours, she had a pager, and her parents would let her do things your parents would never allow. The Kardashians, Kim in particular, understand how to show you they’re like you. I love that. That’s a big part of why I chose Kim as my first beauty icon. She’s not always the perfectly contoured face on the red carpet.
And can we talk about that contoured face?
Kim’s look has sparked a makeup wildfire. Normal women who don’t have makeup artists, who don’t have photo shoots, know how to do a highlight and contour now, and that is because of Kim Kardashian. All over the beauty world, “Kim Kardashian face” is shorthand for an admittedly heavy, but polished and flawless contour job. She brought it to the masses. THANK YOU, KIM.
This fabulous woman, with one sex tape, unleashed a whirlwind of big hair, face contouring, body, and style upon the world. And, she was able to bring her entire family along with her! Famous for nothing? Bullshit. She’s famous because she keeps going. She’s famous because no matter what’s going on around her, divorces, pregnancies, body shaming, the insatiable public hunger for her downfall, she straps on gorgeous shoes and walks out the door. She’s famous because she perseveres. She’s famous because she’s not an idiot. Paris Hilton was an idiot. Kim is no idiot. She’s famous because she is our Most Beautiful. She looks like America. She is all too much, and we LOVE to have too much.
Kim is one of my beauty idols for the obvious reasons: her makeup is perfect, she has an adventurous sense of style, her hair is ideal, she knows her own face and body and she uses them with a model’s sensibility.
Kim is one of my beauty idols for the less obvious reason: she doesn’t let the hate keep her down. If you’re going to be a beauty revolutionary, you might have to face some harsh criticism. I can’t think of anyone who gets it worse than Kim, and she shows off her beauty anyways.
About all of this.
Kim will not yield the spotlight. You can’t force her. She doesn’t retreat. She goes blonde.
I’m always on the hunt for a faster/easier/more efficient way to do everything. That’s how I ended up trying to shave my legs with baby oil gel. Pinterest said to do it. It clogged the hell out of my razor. It turned my shower floor into a living nightmare.* My legs weren’t any smoother than when I use shaving cream. I had to scrub the shower when I was done. That’s more work. NO DEAL.
Pinterest sent me chasing a lie. Again. I keep at it though. I just can’t help myself.
*My biggest fear used to be smashing my own forehead into the bathroom counter when I flip my hair over while I’m blow drying it. But, then I did that. Now my biggest fear is slipping in the shower to catastrophic result.
