Here’s this nail polish, ThermoCutex, in France that changes colors with your rectal temperature. In case you really need to know, right this second!!
You guys. Let’s get some of this stuff and allllll finger each other’s butts! FOR OUR HEALTH.
Monthly Archives: September 2013
ELEGANZA
MAC has brought back their original burgundy-red Viva Glam lipstick from 1994! With original Viva Glam SUPERMODEL OF THE WORLD, RuPaul!
I actually don’t have any of the Viva Glam lipsticks, but, I think the beginning is probably a good place to start. I’m into it! Ru is my Oprah, and as a person from the 90s, I have a deep understanding of burgundy lipsticks.
I’m going to buy it without even trying it on, because I know it doesn’t matter what I do, everything looks good on me. Supermodel.
Speaking of Ru and Supermodel, when was the last time you watched the “Supermodel” video?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vw9LOrHU8JI
Ru is everydamnthang in this video! She’s so fucking funny, it kills me! And the shout outs to all the 90’s Supermodels? LAWD, that makes my Evangelista loving heart skip a beat.
The 90’s were an amazing time. If you need more proof of this, allow me to take you to my happy place:
I just might make this my iphone screen.
Feel free to use it as your happy place too. Whenever you feel bad, just do a Google image search for the Ru and Nirvana. There are all kinds of photos! Ru holding a crying Frances Bean and trying to console her?! DEAD. I AM DEAD NOW.
Am I off topic? We were talking about Viva Glam. We can talk about the 90s any time. We can talk about RuPaul all the time, if you want. I mean, I’ve been thinking about hugging her since 1993. True Story: Ru tweeted back to me once about Miss J, from ANTM, and I got dizzy. Worlds were colliding and I couldn’t take it.
NYX Cosmetics Matte Lipstick in Indie Flick
This is another foray into drugstore lipstick for me. I’ll be honest with you, over the last 10 years or so, I really haven’t bought a lot of drugstore cosmetics. Once you get the sweet, sweet taste of prestige brands on your tongue, it’s hard to look back.
“Could you be…the most beautiful girl in the world…”
As long as you crop out my lazy eye!
Yep. I’m a reeeeaal buttereye.
Also, I’m a butterbody. As in, body by butter.
LIPSTICK! How gorgeous is this color? So gorgeous! It looks like such a fierce orange in the tube, but on the lips, it’s a super pretty sort of coral color. Poppy colored? I kept thinking of poppies while I was editing these photos, so maybe that’s right. It’s not crazy orange. It’s punchy, right? So surprisingly wearable! I like to see how things look on people with different coloring that mine, so I had a pale, redheaded friend try it too. She bought one because she looked FLY.
For $6, this is a helluva lipstick. You could put it in a higher end tube and charge more for it, fo sho. It’s super creamy, and easy to control. Since it’s matte, it does have a little drag on it, but that’s ok. It’s to be expected with a matte lipstick. Although I don’t think this lipstick is drying, you’ll want to make sure your lips have been properly prepped before you put it on, because it will show every ragged bite mark you’ve chewed into your poor mouth.
Being matte, the wear time is pretty good. Without eating or drinking, you’ll get a few hours of use out of one application. It won’t slide around or transfer outside your lip line either.
I love this lipstick. I can’t believe I’ve been walking past the NYX displays for years. Not just walking past, but, like, actively turning my nose up at them. Well, joke’s on me, because I could have cheap, rad lipsticks all this time.
Will this put a stop to my snobbery? NOPE.
Did I learn a lesson? I DON’T KNOW. MAYBE. BUY MORE LIPSTICKS? IS THAT THE LESSON?
Buy this lipstick, for sure. That’s the lesson for you.
You can get it online, but you can get it at Target too, so why wait?!
Buy NYX Matte Lipstick in Indie Flick HERE.
Floss Gloss FLASH SALE
Floss Gloss is having a 20% off flash sale until midnight tonight, 9/06. If you’re not a BIG IDIOT, you’ll get yourself some polish! They have all kinds of gorgeous, sexual colors…
Like this one:
or this one:
How about this one?!
Maybe…THIS ONE?
Definitely this one!
Like I said, the sale is only today, 9/06, until midnight.
MAC Trax Eyeshadow
It’s my favorite fucking eyeshadow color of all time, ladies and gentlemen….the hardest working shadow in HO BUSINESS……
MAC TRAX!!! ($15)
Trax is a plummy-purple with a shifting gold shimmer to it. I’ve seen it described in other places online as a burgundy, but I really disagree with that.
It’s so beautiful as a light wash of color, or built up darker as an alternative to a traditional smoky eye colors. I wear it alone a lot, or with one of my gold shadows in the inner corner of my eyes, or lightly added over the top to intensify the gold in Trax. Natural, or dramatic, it really is a brilliant, versatile color.
Doing makeup, I’ve used it on lots of different eye colors, and the result is always gorgeous. Purple is one of those colors that really makes a lot of other colors pop. Brown, green, blue, hazel…pretty much everyone looks good in purple and gold.
Trax is part of the permanent line at MAC, so you can just go pick it up. The color works in so many different ways, on so many different people, it would be a great addition to nearly every makeup bag. It’s like, my easiest way to look like I really did something to my makeup when I haven’t. Sometimes I use an aubergine colored pencil to line my eyes, sometimes I don’t, blush, mascara, nude gloss, BAM! FACE! I’M READY TO GO OUT!
Birchbox August 2013 Review
Hey! It’s the beginning of September! You know what that means?! Time to review my August Birchbox!
It also means my birthday is exactly one month away. Barf. 32, I see you. That’s ok. Beyonce just turned 32. If I’m ever doing anything the same as Beyonce, it has to be right.
August’s Birchbox theme was “Finishing School.” Which is like, OK, whatever. I ain’t about balancing books on my head, and I don’t buy into your patriarchal construct that I have to keep my knees together when I’m sitting down. SLOUCH ON, SISTERS.
Kerastase Bain Chroma Riche Cleanse
What they said: Shampoo that uses vitamin E and powerful UV filters to restore moisture and preserve color.
What I say: I broke my no-poo regimen to use this, and it was worth it! It made my hair feel incredibly soft and, dare I say, luxurious. But, I’m happy with my co-wash system, so I won’t be buying this. It was really nice though, I’m happy to have finally been able to try this brand. I do wish they’d sent me a shampoo and a conditioner instead of two shampoo samples.
pūr~lisse pūr~youth preserve age delay skin serum
What they said: Powered by peptide complex Lotus Lupine 5, this clinically proven anti-aging serum firms and smoothes.
What I say: I don’t know what the hell Lotus Lupine 5 is, but this serum is really really nice. It feels velvety between your fingers, almost powdery. It glides onto your skin and feels wonderful. I don’t know if it really works for anti-aging the way it says since this isn’t really enough to be able to tell for sure, but I’m very interested in a full size product.
stila stay all day liquid lipstick in beso
What they said: Long lasting liquid lipstick in a wearable red that glides on like a gloss, but stays put like a stain.
What I say: I am cuckoo bananas for this lipstick (stain?). The little applicator is soft and spongy, it feels great to use and it makes controlling the slippery color a little easier. The red color is gorgeous, and the wear is phenomenal. I honestly don’t know exactly how long this will say put on your mouth since every time I tried to swatch it, I ended up having to wipe it off because it got late or whatever. Birchbox says to take your time during application because once it’s on, it’s not budging. That’s good advice here. I did all kinds of stuff with my mouth wearing this product, and it only wore off a little bit in the center. This was another product that has made Birchbox worth it for me. I probably would have just walked past these at Sephora and never given them another look, but now I want them in all different colors! Love it. A+
Sumita Color Contrast Eyeliner in Black
What they said: This extra bold liner combines rich pigment with long lasting wear – no smudges or smears.
What I say: I wish this was true, but the liner disappeared off one of my eyes so fast, I thought maybe I forgot to put it on that one. Maybe it was just my extra oily eyelids? With a primer, this liner would probably be fine. I did like the soft consistency of the pencil though. Did you ever used to melt your eyeliners with a lighter to get them to be more of a liquid? That’s like a good high school trick. This liner has a soft melty texture that’s similar without the risk of a burnt eyelid. I always like to have extra black liners around, and this one was full size! So, even though I wasn’t impressed, that’s good? It’s like the joke at the beginning of “Annie Hall”:
“There’s an old joke – um… two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of ’em says, “Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.” The other one says, “Yeah, I know; and such small portions.” Well, that’s essentially how I feel about life – full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it’s all over much too quickly.”
Like that. But with eyeliner.
Benefit Cosmetics Triple Performing Facial Emulsion + Total Moisture Face Cream + It’s Potent Eye Cream
What they said: A three step system for scoring an ultra radiant, youthful, and deeply hydrated complexion.
What I say: I already bought this system when it first came out a couple years ago. I took it all back. I really hated it! The perfume smell was way too much, and I didn’t like the way it made my skin feel. I didn’t even open these samples because I already know the score.
Overall, August’s Birchox was a hit. I was into everything but the Benefit stuff. I am REALLY not mad at that stila lippie. Totally worth the $10 this month.
Eye Spy
The makeup artist who created this is an extremely talented sicko. It’s so mind-blowingly gorgeous, but at the same time, it makes me want to vom. I’d really like to see that eye eating a hot dog. Is that weird? It feels right.
Floss Gloss Fall 2013 Princess of the Night Collection Swatches & Review
L-R, Dinge, Black Holy, Moon Baby, Faded, $8 each
Growing up, the top names to call me at school went like this:
- Witch
- Lesbian
- Daria
- Eddie Munster
I was a spooky kid, I guess. That’s cool. I get it. I wore a lot of black and I listened to Nine Inch Nails and The Cure. I have a widow’s peak. I was not an active volleyball participant in gym. I don’t know why they were calling me a lesbian though, that one is still a mystery.
Does that tell you all you need to know about how I’d feel about a polish collection called, “Princess of the Night?”
I’m all over it like Glenn Danzig on a bench press. I’m excited like it’s 1995, it’s my friend’s slumber party, somehow I got to pick the movie, and that movie is “The Crow.”
Let’s conjure up some bad bruja nails, boos.
I was really impressed with the coverage from these colors; the creamy, glossy formula applied beautifully. The polish flowed onto my nails from the brush, with both Black Holy and Faded being almost completely opaque with only one coat. I love it. Watery black polishes, get the fuck out of here.
All colors were swatched using two coats of polish and my Seche Vite top coat.
Moon Baby is a cool, icy baby blue with gray undertones. I had no idea how much I would love this color, but it’s so eye catching on the nail, it’s my favorite color of the whole collection. My polish rack is full of blues, but I don’t have anything like Moon Baby.
Dinge is a cool, dirty, fleshy pink. Floss Gloss has described it as the color of beat up Capezios, and that’s totally accurate. It’s an incredibly sexy sort of nude, and it’s running a close second to Moon Baby for the title of #1 STUNNER in this collection.
Faded was such a tricky color to photograph! My camera was refusing to pick up the accurate stony color of this polish. They say Faded is the color of faded tattoo ink, and that’s totally right! But, what is that?! Is it navy blue? Kind of? Not really! It’s hard to describe, but it looks rad as fuck. It photographed really dark, but I don’t think it looks this dark in person.
Black is the classic nail color for girls of the witchy persuasion, and I consider myself a connoisseur. Glossy, deep, perfect, creamy black. It’s my good, old, classic fave getting the treatment it deserves.
I really loved this colors in this collection. It’s nice to see something other than the usual dark jewel tones and burgundies for fall; and although half the colors in the collection are very light, they don’t read pastel or sugary sweet. Floss Gloss has nailed the “light-colors-that-look-dark” concept, and it evokes a chilliness that’s perfect for fall and winter.
I’m already rocking Moon Baby full time, and I’m really looking forward to wearing Dinge next. I’m all hyped for fall now! BYE, SUMMER. TAKE YOUR SWEATY BANGS AND GO.