I mentioned this video was my origin story in a previous post, and it’s THE TRUTH. When the light hits Linda at the beginning, and she throws her head back on that looong neck, I was born. When Emma comes out in that Thierry Mugler motorcycle corset, I died. And when Julie Newmar hits the runway, I was brought back to life.
My insides are going all shimmering wobbly just thinking about it, and I literally just watched the video half an hour ago.
Glamour and camp all rolled into one amazing package, I was mesmerized every time. I’m STILL mesmerized every time. I didn’t realize it then, but the video infected 11 year old me with a love of fashion, beauty and impossibly long necks forever. There was no way I was ever going to be a 90’s supermodel, but I could pretend! To this day, every hallway is my catwalk, and I will spin in my robe, like Tyra, forever and ever always AMEN.
I had no idea what I was going to run for today’s Friday I’m in Love. I have something for next week, but that would call for a photo, and my hair is in no condition to be captured online for all eternity.
Have you guys noticed that my hair is always a mess? I feel like I talk about it nonstop. Seriously, if I didn’t think I would look exactly like my dad, I’d shave it off. Girls that can pull off shaved heads are dead sexy to me. Doesn’t it sound so freeing? My friend that does my hair would probably stab me to death with her scissors if I asked her to just shave it off. I like to make her do things to my hair she doesn’t want to do, but that would probably be too far. She’d snap!
Lucky for me, during a conversation with a friend last night, I mentioned this book, and my brain hamster started running on her wheel.
You’re looking at my own well loved, bruised and battered (mmm….battered) copy here. I’ve hauled this book around with me from house to apartment to pool house to house to apartment to house to apartment to house since 1999. You can’t tell from this picture, but the pages are coming loose and it’s full of random bookmarks. I love this book. I’m not exaggerating. I have actual love in my heart for this book. If they ever stopped printing it, I’d put my copy under lock and key, in an underground bunker, behind some of those lasers you can only get past if you do sexy butt wiggles all around them.
It’s like this: if George Michael’s video for “Too Funky” is my origin story, then Making Faces is my time spent on a Chinese mountain with Pai Mei, learning the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.
Kevyn Aucoin was an extremely gifted and talented artist. His techniques and advice still hold up, and even at nearly 15 years later, his looks aren’t dated. This book covers nearly everything you’d need to know about starting out in makeup, and taking your makeup to the next level. It has segments on skincare and prep, facial structure, shading and highlighting, brows, foundation, concealer, liner, lashes, lips and cheeks. It even has a little bit on cosmetic surgery. He doesn’t just tell you about eyeliner and lipsticks, he talks about different eye and lip shapes. He doesn’t just tell you about contouring, he shows you in an exaggerated, easy to follow way, where everything is supposed to go. He’ll teach you how to build a face that will highlight your best features, or, he’ll teach you how to completely cover your eyebrows so you can draw on new ones. This book is brilliant. Completely.
After he teaches you the basics of makeup, he shows you wearable looks for many, many, many different faces and occasions, following that with more in depth costume and heavy transformation looks. The step by step instructions are easy to follow and well illustrated, and the photos are totally stunning.
This is so beautiful, it hurts my heart.
I mean, look at freaking Courtney Love up there!! I’ll admit to having a soft spot for her looks through the years, disheveled and otherwise, but come on. This look, this photo, it’s really something ethereal.
SIDE NOTE: When I was, like, 13, I told my mom I wished I looked like Courtney Love and she was all, “LIKE A HEROIN ADDICT?!?!” And I was like, whoooah, yeesh, calm down. I just wanted to have real big boobs and be able to wear one of those clingy satiny dresses without rolls showing. Hey, one out of two ain’t bad.
All the years I’ve had this book, I still break it out to check myself. I feel like I can still learn from it, even though, not s my own d, my own makeup skills are above average.
Please, please buy this book for yourself. I promise you will be completely enthralled, entertained and educated.
I can’t review July’s Birchbox for you guys yet because I never got it. I got the shipping notice, but the tracking info never updated and my box never showed up. I sent in an email letting them know, and they told me this:
Mmmmm….’kay? So, I never got another email back, and our money was never refunded. I *guess* that means I should get another box; but I never got a new tracking number either. I’m also not super happy with being told I was going to get a bunch of different stuff. I don’t know what that means! Leftovers? Junk drawer detritus?
That was on 7/23, and I haven’t seen anything yet. 10 business days will be next Tuesday, so see you (by) next Tuesday, Birchbox! I hope!
I’ll keep you guys updated on this crisis as it continues to unfold.
BIRCHBOX WATCH 2013: MISSING BIRCHBOX: THE STORM OF THE CENTURY ON THE ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE: THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT
This little post at Refinery29 is a great breakdown that should be helpful in choosing the right sunscreen for you. Sunscreen is important on our faces AND chest areas to keep them young and smooooove. I’m especially lookin’ at you, white ladies. There’s a reason black don’t crack and brown don’t break down: Melanin.
Melanin and sunscreen are the biggest reasons why at 31, people think I’m 22. Swear to you, all through my 20s, people thought I was 17-19. Sometimes, it sucks, but it won’t suck when I’m 50 and I look 30. Like my mom, anytime she’s ever shown up to anywhere I’ve worked, the different receptionist ladies would call back and be all, “Sarah, your sister is here,” and then I’d go to the front, and it would be my mom. Which is a totally nice surprise, right?! An unexpected mom hug in the middle of the day is a morale boost. I mean, no disrespect, but my abuelita is an old lady. That’s normal, she’s a grandma! But, she has the smoothest fucking cheeks! Sometimes, I just touch them out of nowhere because they look like cafe au lait colored velvet and my fingers itch for them. Don’t worry, she’s cool about it. We’re basically, like, awesome great homegirls.
TAKIN’ SELFIES WIT MY NANA
Look at this lady! She’s barely got any wrinkles! She looks FANFREAKINGTASTIC. We took this picture at Thanksgiving, she was just telling me how it was fine that the bathroom in my room was a mess because she’s cool about these things. Even though I know she totally isn’t. She’s cool about it for me because SHE LOVES ME AND I CAN DO WHATEVER. My mom is always in awe of the things I can do and say in front of Nana without getting in trouble, because she can’t. I tell her her big mistake was ever NOT swearing, if you just always swear, Nana doesn’t care. Her second big mistake was being born Nana’s daughter and not her granddaughter.
What theee shit were we talking about again? OH YEAH SUNSCREEN!
Whoa! I did not plan for all that. I literally had nothing after “Melanin.” But, now you’ve seen a picture of my Nana!
Check out that link at the top to get help in figuring out what kind of sunscreen would best suit your skin’s needs. Then, one day, your grandchild will write a post, littered with swear words, all about how great your skin looks. The circle of life, people! It’s nature!
This was the eye look I did on Saturday night before we went out to a party.
With the exception of my Stila liquid liner, my mascara, and my white highlight liner, I used all Urban Decay products.
First, I applied UD’s Primer Potion in Eden to my entire lid up to my eyebrows. Second, I used “KINKY” (matte nude) from UD’s Smoked Eyeshadow Palette over my lid to the crease. Third, I used an angled brush to apply “GUNMETAL” (dark grey) from UD’s original Naked Palette to the area a little above my crease and down to the outer corners, connecting in a “V” to my upper lash line. If you want to make your eyes look bigger, creating a false crease a little higher than your actual crease is a way to do it. Third, I used a fluffy brush to wash “TEASE” (taupe) from UD’s Naked 2 Palette over my entire lid, up to the dark grey crease, blending the edges as you go. Then, I picked up a little more of my matte nude color on my fluffy brush, and blended the outer edges of the grey crease. Last, I used “BOOTYCALL” (frosty white-beige) from the Naked 2 Palette to accentuate my brow bone, always blending.
I lined my upper lash line and water line with “WHISKEY’ (dark brown) from UD’s 24/7 Double-Ended Glide-On Pencil, then I lined below my bottom lashes to about 3/4 across, leaving the area near my tear ducts, unlined. I went over the top line and created a winged line with my black Stila liner. Then, I used a white liner to line my bottom water line to also give the appearance of bigger eyes. I finished it off with my They’re Real mascara from Benefit on my top lashes only.
Since this look uses dark colors, I did my eyes before I did my foundation. That way, you can clean up any fallout you have and sharpen up any edges you’d like to define with your foundation brush. I’m not wearing it in this picture, but I did a nude lip.
Add a bun and giant earrings, and you’ve got yourself a look!
Sorry the photo quality isn’t great. I wasn’t taking pictures to put up here, I was taking pictures to check the blending and symmetry. Remember in “Clueless” when Cher takes Polaroids of all her outfits because she doesn’t trust mirrors? It’s like that. Plus, I was showing off and sending pics to my sister. Shame on me! PSYCH! I’m not ashamed.
You guys know when I say “Hey guys!” I’m only ever saying it in a weird Romy from “Romy and Michele” voice, right?
Hey guys.
Thank you all so much for the support, encouragement, and personal stories after my TMI post last week. The love I felt was truly soothing to my raw soul. I was feeling so exhausted, I just really needed to put everything out there.
I’m feeling better now. While I was sick, I got pretty sloppy with my usual medications, and I think that, combined with hardly sleeping for two weeks while I was coughing, just provided a perfect storm for my brain to malfunction. So, while everything was off balance from missing so many pills and being run down by the bronchitis, my depression saw an opportunity and took it, and then I was oversleeping, and that makes you feel extra terrible. Blah.
I’m over explaining things right now. I just like to try and nail down what went wrong, so I can avoid it in the future.
When we lived in LA for a few years, my life was like that nearly every day. That was the longest low period I’d ever had, and now that I’m out of it, it scares me to be back there. I never want to be back to a place where I can accept my illness as a long term lifestyle. Does that make sense? I know I have to accept it as a long term part of my life, but I don’t have to live the life it demands. I want it to bend to my will, not the other way around. Suicide isn’t the only way to give up when it comes to mental illness.
We took a trip to SF for Jason’s work over the end of last week and the weekend, and I used the time to be in a different environment, in a different climate, away from all my usual day to day responsibilities, to try to reset. The change in scenery, and the escape from the stifling heat in a place I feel comfortable was all so helpful. I’d already been back on my Cymbalta, regularly, for nearly two weeks, so things started to level out.
HOTEL LYFE
While we were there, I got some exercise the first night when the fire alarm went off at 2:00 in the morning, and we had to get out of bed to climb down all 28 floors worth of stairs. And I did it, holding the dog like a GOTDANG HERO. That was more cardio than I’d EVER like to get at any one time, but hey, endorphins are good for you. I spent the rest of my days there, walking around on JELL-O legs, buying myself fancy sandwiches, getting room service, shopping, doing my nails, napping without guilt, reading, watching terrible movies, and just trying to be good to myself, in near solitude. In the evenings, I’d leisurely do my makeup, get dressed, and go out riding in the backs of town cars and Escalades to parties and dinners with Jason and his wonderful, hilarious, and friendly coworkers and bosses. It felt so good to be out of my usual routine.
I made the decision to make all my decisions without judgment. Like, the day I ate Pringles for lunch instead of going to get something because I just didn’t feel like putting pants on, or the decision to eat a cookie that was nearly the size of a dinner plate, or when I went shopping and just bought the things I wanted without hemming and hawing. Giving myself permission to literally do anything I wanted, was the best thing I could do for myself while we were there. My depression gets me locked into this frustrating place of indecision, and my anxiety makes me weigh every possible outcome of everything I do. I gave myself all yes or no options. Put pants on? No. Eat this giant cookie? YES. Rewatch “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?” Yes. Remember, NO JUDGMENT.
NO JUDGMENT.
Overall, I feel so much better than I have the last month. I feel sort of stupid now for letting you all in on what was happening, but I didn’t want anyone to think I was letting this site go. I’m not 100% yet, but I’ve definitely turned a corner.
I bought a bunch of drugstore lipsticks, one Urban Decay lipstick, and some E.L.F. stuff, so that will all be making its way to you soon.
Thank you for hanging with me through this. I promise to try to make it worth your while! And please, if my struggle has taught us anything, let it be that sometimes, you just have to eat the biggest cookie you’ve ever seen and feel pretty fucking good about it. Big cookies taste so much better when every bite isn’t laced with guilt.
EDITED TO ADD: If my struggle has really taught us anything, let it be that reaching out can only help.
I love this video by Franchesca Ramsey. I told the condensed version of my lipstick story here before. Her video just totally confirms it; when you fall for lipstick, you fall HARD.
Maybe you’ve noticed I’ve been slipping. Maybe you’ve noticed my posts have gotten shorter. Maybe you’ve noticed my current face hasn’t made an appearance in a while.
I didn’t think I would write about this. I wanted to keep trying to pull it off every day, but I was so obviously struggling.
You guys want to know what’s really bad for your skin, and totally disruptive to your beauty routine? Depression. Unless your beauty routine consists of dirty hair and infrequent showers, and your ideal skin includes eyelid zits. Then, it’s really perfect.
I am not trying to make you feel bad for me.
I am trying to make you understand.
It doesn’t always look like it does on TV. Depression is not always a blanket pulled tightly around your shoulders while you cry out a rain spattered window. More often, it’s not so much the presence of sadness as it is the absence of any feelings at all. The thing I feel the most is the aches in my neck, the prickling anxiety related knots on my scalp that are sharp and dull and dizzying at the same time – like I’ve been holding my breath for too long, or straining my eyes – the kind of pain that makes you nauseous. But, happiness? Not here. Sadness? I guess. If you want to call it that. But, I don’t.
I’m down.
That’s really the only word for it – down. Most days, I am up. These days, these last couple weeks, I am down. Down underneath. Down below the sunny surface, down into the sucking depths in the murkiness and the muck where only ugly things swim. It is expansive. It is everywhere. It is everything and it is nothing. Being so far down here, the pressure is different, and I am being crushed.
This crushing doesn’t want me to wear makeup, or wash my hair, or put on a bra, or exercise, or write, or look in the mirror. It only wants me to face my own mortality, or berate myself over the dishes in the sink and the uncounted WW points, or sleep. So, I sleep. I sleep during the day, and I wake up tired. I sleep at night, and I’m exhausted in the morning. I am so, so sleepy. My usual forms of self medication aren’t working either; there hasn’t been a piece of pie big enough or an orgasm strong enough to make those synapses fire like they should. All I can do is keep taking my pills, keep trying to drag myself out of the house, keep trying to wake up, keep asking Jason to squeeze me, keep touching the dog’s ears, keep trying to get inspiration from somewhere ANYWHERE so I can keep this site going.
We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled dick talk and lipstick swatch programming soon. I promise not to disappear.
I’m sorry this isn’t funny, or pretty, or whatever.
I am trying to pull through it. Please bear with me.
The Beauty Department has a REALLY great tutorial on the correct way to use those egg shaped foundation sponges. I mean, I thought I was using mine right, but I’m going to have to reevaluate my technique.
Click through HERE to read the step by step tutorial. You really need to read it to get it right.
I love my Beauty Blender! They apply lighter than a brush, so they’re really great for anyone who wants a dewy, soft finish on their foundation.
This is our old kitchen AKA photographic evidence of my cool LA life.
OK. So, this isn’t for putting on your face, but what we put into our faces is important too! Pimples are caused by bacteria, but dull, dry and sallow skin can all be caused by poor diet. Put good in, and good comes out. Blah, blah, blah. You guys know all this stuff.
Look, Dr Pepper is my favorite food. I need all the help I can get.
We started making this smoothie because I saw it on TV. We KEPT making this smoothie because it made us feel so good! For a little while, I was having one of these before breakfast most mornings, and everything was running great. I was full all morning, I had more energy, and I didn’t feel so bloaty.
And thats it! It’s green, so it tastes a little grassy, but the lemon and other fruit juices cut right through, so it’s not bad. I really like the fresh taste of it, actually. It’s pretty easy to get used to, and then, you just want it all the time! This recipe is enough to make 2 decent sized smoothies. If you don’t want to share, you can put the other half into a jar, and then have it the next morning. The prep is a little time consuming, but you could easily chop up most of this stuff in advance. If you chop your apples and pears ahead of time, just remember to add a squeeze of lemon juice over the tops to keep them from going brown. I guess in a smoothie, it doesn’t really matter, it’s just gross.
After being sick for so long, and then eating a bunch of garbage, I really feel like I need to start drinking this again. Like, you get to feel good in your body, and you get to have a smug sense of superiority over anyone who DIDN’T have a million pieces of produce before 10:00 AM. It’s totally worth it!
