All Skate!, TGIF

My Post of Many Topics

I don’t have much today. It’s been kind of a slow week around here, actually.

Jason has been in Austin since Monday, and I thought that would mean I’d get so much work done, but it really means I just wander around bored and watch “Mermaids.” I have been dealing with trying to figure out which smoke detector is chirping since Sunday night, so that’s been keeping me pretty busy. It’s never the first one you rip off the wall…..

I’ve started to revert to my feral single life again! I keep eating Cheerios for meals that aren’t breakfast, I’m talking to myself and the dog like we’re 3 different people, I have a burglar beater next to the bed, and I’m scared of slipping in the shower. Plus, my husband has become really funny and charming again, so you know I’ve been without DAT D for a while now.


Serenity now. Jason will be home later today to reach all of them, and I can move on with my life.

I wanted to do a Friday I’m in Love today, but my photo backdrop keeps falling off the wall, so I said, “FUCK THIS,” and just left it down. On top of that hazardous condition, I’m trying to get myself on a new eyebrow threading schedule, so I’m a mess. I kept going to get my brow and lip threading done when I was on my period, and that’s, like, the WORST time to do that kind of thing. It hurts way more. So, for the sake of my face, I sacrificed my face. I’m really pretty brave, if  you think about it.

Since I don’t have anything of substance today, can I just show you a bunch of random semi-beauty related stuff? Yes? Good!


I bought this rad “Babewolf” sticker for myself from Sara M. Lyons, and slapped it on my laptop. I fucking love this sticker. Her armpits really speak to me. I need her to make some kind of bunny girl to balance out the other side!

I just found this art she did too, and I feel dizzy, like if I don’t own something, ANYTHING with this on it, my life will always be a little worse.

in lux we trust


I’ll name a baby Lux. I swear I’ll do it.

crayon lipstick

Here’s THIS weird and cool looking tutorial on xovain about making your own lipstick out of crayons. I’ve never even considered that before, but it’s interesting. I’d like one of you craftier readers to do this, and tell me how it goes. I don’t want to do it, I’m not that ambitious, and I only have one stainless steel bowl.

What else we got?

Oh. My oldest niece is suddenly totally grown up. She’s sending me emails, with old photos of myself attached, that say “I LOVE YOUR HAIR.”

blond sarah

This is what happens when you work in a salon. Some days are slow, and you end up with blonde hair. It’s bizarre, right? I always wanted to try my hair like that though, so I went for it. Whoops! My dark eyebrows under there look TERRIBLE. I was like, “Madonna can pull off black eyebrows with platinum hair, why not me?” Why not you? Umm. I can think of lots of reasons, Past Sarah. How about, reason number one, you’re not Madonna. I can’t even believe I’m putting this picture on here. I’m clearly in a hotel, I’m not wearing makeup, and I look like a freak. The saddest part is, this is the best picture of me with my hair like this that I’ve ever seen. I don’t know where she got it! It’s weird to see old photos of yourself you’ve seen before, right? This blonde left my hair such a gross mess. I was always itchy because little pieces of hair were always breaking off, and when I’d wash it, it’d get wet and just streeeeeeetch and sort of semi-melt. My hair was thrashed. I do wish I’d taken the opportunity to dye it a bright blue though before I went back to a natural color. Missed that chance, Past Sarah! From getting in the car with strangers in Vegas, to not dyeing your hair a great color when you had a blank slate, to doing crystal, you always make the wrong decision! You’re a reeeeal fuck up, Past Sarah. Lucky for you, Present Sarah is very generous with her forgiveness, and willing to put the past behind her.

stila teaser

Oh! My new Birchbox came this week, and it’s the best box yet. I got a full size eyeliner, a deluxe Stila lipstick sample, a hair product I’ve been dying to try, and a bunch of other cool stuff. I’ll try to have the full review for you guys on Monday. Until then, that’s a not great photo of the Stila color I got. I LOVE IT.

pool party rowdy


I took Rowdy to a friend’s house to go swimming the other day, and we had a great time! Turns out, she likes being in the pool! I held her, and all her little arms and legs were just floating in the water, while she had her eyes closed and her face turned towards the sun. When I tried to put her back on the concrete, she didn’t even try to help. She wanted to stay in the pool! She’s so crazy.

For real though, the very best thing that happened this week was an actual super awesome thing; FLOSS GLOSS retweeted one of my polish reviews. That’s the first time a beauty brand has done that, and it was VERY RAD!!!

What’s up with you guys this week? Did you have any past beauty experiments that you just had to get out of your system at least once? Is your past self a giant idiot too? Do you know which one of my smoke detectors is going off? HEY. WHAT’S GOING ON?


Anybody want to buy some pinkeye?!

makeup dump

I was just looking around craigslist for a wall mounted acrylic nail polish rack when I happened upon this mess. Someone is trying to sell their old ass pile of drugstore makeup for $50. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! GURL PLZ. Nobody wants to buy those teddy bear bottles of nail polish from you. Just throw it away.

Hey. I get it! We’ve all been there! I have to do a makeup purge at least once a year or things get really out of hand. We’ve all dreamed of getting our money back for these piles of barely or never used cosmetics, but that shit ain’t happening. Give the unopened stuff to friends, dump the rest.

Thems the blue eyeshadow breaks, honey!

Floss Gloss, Nails


floss gloss wavepool

Summertime refreshment for size queens.

We know I’m FLOSS GLOSS obsessed, right? Like, I embarrass myself on Twitter all the time gushing about the colors, and bothering Janine and Aretha for preorder information and whatnot. I can’t help it! They keep making my dream colors! What the fuck else am I supposed to do? Play it cool? HELL NAW.

floss gloss wavepool 2


WAVEPOOL is a color from the last order I received. I’m a total sucker for creamy aqua blues, I have tons of them. But this color was really different in its warm baby blue vibrancy, and its apparent lack of green.

You know how when you look at the pool on a really sunny day, and the bottom looks so perfect and blue and retina searing and you just want to swim down into the center of it? That’s the color of this polish. It is flat out deep end-beers on a raft-“watch my dive!” awesome. All it needs are some blinding sunlight sparkles bouncing off of it, and the smell of sunblock.

Their formula worked great for this color. It was opaque in two coats, and it dried matte. One coat of my top coat, and I was good to go.

Summer is going to be over soon, but there’s still lots of time to grab WAVEPOOL and play twinsies with your swimming pool. And hey, if you’re looking forward to next season, you can preorder their Fall line now.


P.S. I just found out that not everyone knows the importance of using a base coat. Always use a base coat on your fingers. Your manicure will last longer, and your nails won’t get stained.

Birchbox, Face, Lips, Moisturizer, Nails

Birchbox July 2013 Review and Photos

Birchbox July 2013

Since everyone is already getting their August Birchboxes, I’m going to do a quick review of July’s box.

July’s box didn’t start off great. After I got my shipping notice, the tracking info never updated and the box never showed up. I emailed Birchbox and they said a new one would be sent out to me, and I’d have it within 10 days. 10 days later, I sent another email asking why I still hadn’t received my box. They assured me it was coming. Sure enough, the next day, day 11, it was in my mailbox.

I got a notice that my August box had shipped before I even got my July box!

It’s too bad this month’s box was so late, since what was inside was pretty good.


ModelCo Party Proof Matte Lipstick in Peony

Birchbox 7:13 lipstick

What they said: Long lasting, nondrying pigment that won’t come off on your drink (or significant other).

What I say: No fucking way is this matte OR party proof. The color applies beautifully, smooth and creamy, but it comes right off just like any other lipstick. I waited around for it to turn matte, party proof, or something, but it never did. It absolutely left lipstick all over my drinks and my dude. I blotted it down, and that was helpful in keeping the color on my lips, but it was still transferring color. If they hadn’t claimed this lipstick was long wearing like that, I would have been totally happy with it. The dark hot pink color is really pretty, and I like the hydration you get. But, I don’t like being told something about a product that is 100% not true. Plus, my lipstick was broken at the base, so it’s moving around inside the tube a little. I don’t think the heat was very kind to it during shipping.

Marcelle BB Cream Golden Glow

What they said: True complexion illuminator with golden light reflecting pigments, the BB Cream Gold boosts radiance instantly and gives your skin a multitude of skincare benefits.

What I say: Loved it! I was shocked because my skin is notoriously hard to match, but the Marcelle BB Cream Gold blended right in, and made my skin look great. It wasn’t heavy, it evened out my tone, didn’t dry me out, and the golden sheen gave me a really pretty glow. I would really maybe buy this one! I don’t actually wear makeup out to run errands that much, but I’m going to use this little bottle and see how I like it. The moisturizing/correcting combo is pretty enticing.

Benta Berry G-1 Moisturizing Face Cream

What they said: A French best seller, this cream both hydrates and purifies, thanks to blueberry and dead nettle.

What I say: I liked this too! I’ve become pretty oily in my old age, which is totally fine. Oilier skin doesn’t wrinkle as fast! Buuuuuut, I do sometimes feel like I’m just melting off my makeup. This face cream claims to be mattifying. That was a little bit worrisome to me, since mattifying can often translate into drying. When I tried it out though, my concerns were unfounded. Since I’m usually extremely oily when I wake up, I put it on before bed one night, and when I woke up in the morning, my grease had been significantly decreased. My skin felt fine, not dry or gross. I wouldn’t use it all the time, since I don’t really mind my oils all that much, but it would be good for days when you really need a matte surface to lay down your face. Special events and stuff. Like I said, my skin felt fine. I liked it better on its own though. Also, this is the “SUITS” pick, as in that show on USA. So, that’s hilarious. Please call in “Burn Notice” next. I want Bruce Campbell picking out my lipsticks.

Color Club Collection Nail Polish in Put a Pin In It

What they said: This custom rose gold brightens andy summer ensemble – and looks great with a tan.

What I say: Hey, Nana! Want a new nail polish?!

Birchbox Bobby Pins

What they said: We designed these patterned pins to add style to summer hair with minimal effort.

What I say: They’re barrettes. They’re cute, I guess. They’re really hard to get open, and they hurt to take out. I will probably hardly ever, if ever, wear them.


Overall, this was a pretty good box. I’m going to use most of the stuff that came in it, and the samples were really decent sized. The wait was aggravating, so I can’t give it a completely great review this month. But, it’s better than last month, and I really feel like I got my $10 worth out of this box.

Sign up for Birchbox HERE!

Eyeliner, Eyeshadow, Fave Looks, How-To, Links

Too much eyeliner for the house!

rachel bilson the to do list tbd

I have a sort of complicated relationship with The Beauty Department. Some of their stuff makes me roll my eyes, some of their stuff makes me scramble for my brushes and a reason to do fancy makeup. Like this “RED CARPET BREAKDOWN” of Rachel Bilson’s look at the premiere of “The To-Do List” has got me wishing we weren’t broke right now, so I could get dressed up and go out.

Check it out HERE.

Links, Personal, TGIF


Hey! If you’re interested in freaking out, go spend your Friday over at Fuck Yeah Nostalgic Beauty Products.

I absolutely had this taped to my bedroom wall.

Still use it. There’s one on my nightstand right now.


Kept it in my backpack! Took it to school! Reapplied between classes! Gross!

This turned my scalp into a giant scab. But, I kept using it to smell like I fit in.


Isn’t it great?!?! Are you roughly my age and can smell and taste nearly EVERYTHING they post?! What’s that about?! Pretty cool/sick, right?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Doesn’t make me feel weird or uncomfortable or transported back to high school or anything! Hormones sure were crazy, huh?! Nope. I’m not sick to my stomach/horny at all right now! And that is definitely not how I could sum up my entire teenage experience! Hahaha! What are we talking about??

I’m going to put on some Mazzy Star and lie down. Maybe do some positive affirmations….

I am 31….I do not have algebra today….I have a permanent boyfriend….nobody really does 3-way calling anymore….

Face, GlamGlow, Masks, Skincare

GlamGlow Tingling & Exfoliating Mud Mask Review

glamglowSephora, 0.5 oz., $19 & 1.7 oz. $69

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA?! Am I supposed to be impressed by that? All across the top there? Because I used to live right in Hollywood, and I know for a fact it smells like pee there. Pee and booby glitter. That’s what Hollywood smells like.

Now, there’s a real possibility they mean “HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA.” That’s the one they show on TV with the sign, and the sun, and the palm trees, and the movie stars. That place exists, but it smells like pee too. There’s no way around it!


Since I brought GlamGlow home, I’ve been walking around singing “Just let your GlamGlow/just let it shine through/just let your GlaaaaaAAAAaaaamGlow, baby/feelin’ oh so silky smooth”

It still works, right? As the jingle for a face mask? I think so.

There has been a ton of hype around these masks, and I was eager to find out if it was true. I’ve tried a lot of masks in my day, so I’m hard to impress. I go into most mask experiences not expecting too much. Although most of the GlamGlow reviews are positive, I did see a few that accused all the positive reviewers of being sheep who weren’t willing to admit that GlamGlow sucks. That seemed a little harsh to me. It’s cool if you don’t like the product, but don’t be a dick about it, right? I’m all for integrity in the beauty review game, but damn. Take it down a notch there, you big rebel.

I promise you I went into this more than ready to pan GlamGlow if I felt it was necessary.

Well, baaa baaa motherfuckers. I guess I’m just one more mindless sheep, because I really liked this mask a lot.

It looks and feels like most mud masks do, thick, cool and heavy. First, you stir it up to liquify it a little, then, you smooth it onto your face. I did struggle a little with the bits of  green tea leaves that were in the mask, because some of the bigger chunks were hard to stick down. I got it all plastered on though, so it wasn’t really a problem in the end. Other than that, it went on just like any other mud mask.

Then, the tingling started. It really walked the line between “tingling” and “burning.” But, right as I was like, “Ummm,” it calmed down, and didn’t bother me anymore.

After 10 minutes, the mask had dried very hard, and it was time to wash it off.

This particular GlamGlow mask has volcanic pumice in it, so when you rinse, it gets gritty, and you’re supposed to remove the mask in circular motions to exfoliate. I thought it was interesting that the “exfoliating” aspect was a good old mechanical exfoliant (washcloth, sugars, beads, etc.) as opposed to a chemical exfoliant, like an acid or an enzyme. I don’t know. It’s minimal work, but it seems like too much work for something that’s supposed to be a miracle product. Not that I think the pumice is bad, I don’t. It was just surprising because I think people want products to do all the work for them. And sometimes, you have to use your fingers, and exfoliate your cheeks your damn self. You’ll appreciate it more!

In the end, I was very happy with the results. I even said, “WOW!” to myself in the mirror. The French clay sucked out impurities and toxins, clearing up some dirty nose pores and deflating some questionable looking bumps, while the pumice sloughed away dullness and built up dead skin cells. I don’t know what the tea leaves did. Looked fancy? Got stuck in my drain? Yes and yes.

Here’s the thing. Right now, I’m pretty happy with my skin. I’m able to wear minimal makeup, and everything is very clear and smooth. I didn’t think I’d see much of a difference, but I was very wrong. My skin looked a lot more even, and it really was, well, radiant. It was even better the next morning! The first thing I did when I woke up was touch my own cheek. The second thing I did when I woke up, was wake Jason up and make him touch my cheek. We both agreed that my skin was extremely soft. We were like, “What is that, velvet?!?” Then, we both agreed that I was extremely beautiful and that I would never get old, and that I would always have skin like this. After that, we agreed on Honey Bunches of Oats for breakfast.

Ultimately, I recommend this product. If you have very sensitive skin, be wary of the tingling, and exfoliating. Either one of those elements in an unknown product can really irritate your tender little baby face, and GlamGlow Tingling & Exfoliating has both, one right after the other. Smear with caution.

If the price tag is a sticking point, go to Sephora and get a sample. Try it out a couple times, do the math, see if this mask at home vs. spa facials is worth it for you. They say you can use it twice a week, or as often as you like, but I would only go with once a week. Once a week is plenty for a mask this intensive. Especially if you keep on top of your skincare.

A lot of companies encourage overuse to get you to use more product than you need, so you run out faster and have to buy more. (HELLO, TOOTHPASTE COMPANIES! NOBODY NEEDS THAT MUCH TOOTHPASTE. And rinse and repeat with shampoo? Come on. That’s shameless.) I’m really, really not saying GlamGlow is doing this, I’m just saying start small.

Now, you can be all the things you always wanted to be…beautiful…sexy…

Sexual Chocolate, take us out!

P.S. I feel like all these 80’s Eddie Murphy movies/beauty review posts are very telling about who I am, as a woman. And a lover.