Personal

Risky Beauty Business

You guys. That new Beyonce album dropped and I fell out. But, ever since then, I’ve been on a nonstop Vitamin Bey regimen. So, now I’m stronger than ever! No lie, my abs hurt because I’ve basically been dancing for four days straight. Just nonstop booty pops.

I’ve been feeling kind of uninspired lately. This blog can be tough for me sometimes because it’s not just about makeup, it’s also about writing. It’s hard for me to bring myself to write a lackluster, bare bones post about a product when I’m just not feeling the words. I hate it, and I wish knew how to write on command, but I don’t. I try to pump out something every day, but when the creativity isn’t there, it’s just not there. I’ve been getting stagnant while product just piles up on my desk. I haven’t even used my Naked3 palette. Isn’t that sad?

When I get blah like that, everything gets blah. I’d look in the mirror and not feel like putting makeup on because my hair has been looking like butt, my eyebrows were overgrown and I’ve been dealing with a breakout. Like, fuck putting all that time into my face when my eyebrows look like that. I needed a big change to shake myself up!

You get used to doing things a certain way, you know how to make it look good, but that’s no fun forever. I always want a new look! But, what? The biggest beauty change is always hair related, right? I don’t want bangs anyone, I don’t want long hair anymore, I don’t want the coppery color anymore, but what DO I want?

That’s where I always get stuck.

Over the years, I’ve tried to adopt a detached attitude to my hair. It’s just hair. It’ll grow back, you know? So, the problem isn’t that I’m scared of cutting my hair, the problem is that I can never decide HOW to cut my hair. My friend that usually does my hair takes a hands off approach to this part. Since we’re not just customer/client, we’re also ex-coworkers, party friends, and birthday week buddies, this adds an extra layer of trickiness. She worries about taking big risks because she doesn’t want to be responsible for something I end up hating, and I want her to tell me what to do. We frequently end up at this impasse. So, with her blessing, I went to another hairdresser to try and get a different perspective. It worked out great! Working with someone who doesn’t know all my annoying client quirks was just what I needed.

I went in, took a bunch of different pictures, told her I needed something big, and man, did I get it.

blue hair

DO YOU LOVE IT?! I LOVE IT!!

I’ve wanted a color like this for years! But, as I got into my late twenties and then my thirties, I convinced myself that I was too old. I’d look at pictures of hair colored like this, and just hem and haw. I almost didn’t go through with it this time! I’m so glad I did though! My only condition was that if my hair was going to be blue, the cut had to be sophisticated. I’m sorry, but I really do think I’m too old to pull off super long blue hair. But that’s ok! I didn’t want that anyways!

Beauty risks are so fucking scary. What if you hate it? What if it looks terrible? What if people think you look stupid? We get so stuck on the negative what ifs, that I think we forget to think about the positive ifs. Like, what if you look fucking amazing? What if a modeling scout sees you and you become a superstar? What if you love it? If nobody is telling you you can’t do something, why do we tell ourselves? We’re our own worst enemies. We’ll stand on the metaphorical edge of a big decision cliff, look down and say, “I can’t jump! What if I fall?!” But, we rarely stop to consider the possibility that we could fly. What if you could fly all along but you never knew because you never tried? That’s not just hair, that’s life, bbs! It sounds like such corny bullshit, but it’s a concept I struggle with often. It takes mighty big ovaries to step outside of our comfort zones, but it’s always worth it. Even when we fail, it’s a success, because we tried. This is dumb too, but it’s like when I decided to try being a blonde. It looked terrible, but at least I found out! I could stop wondering about it, and file it away. And really, that’s the worst that can happen. It looks bad. No big deal, everything is fixable with enough color and time!

Regrets are stupid and indecision is the worst. Sometimes, you just have to jump.

 

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Beauty Idols, Personal

Beauty Idols: The Contemporary

I’ve been wanting to start an open-ended series of posts about my beauty idols. The people who inspire me, the faces that make me want to be beautiful. I was thinking of starting with someone older than me, someone who has been an influence for decades, but I couldn’t decide where to start. Then, in the middle of the night last night, my first subject showed herself to me. It wasn’t who I thought it would be, but I found myself spooling out a thousand images in my mind that showed me, yes, she’s where to start.

You might be surprised.

kim k beaded headpiece

WHO’S THAT GIRRRRRRL????

kim k gold collar

IT’S KIM!

Before you start, let me stop you: Do not even try to come at me with your Kim Kardashian hate. I won’t have it. I don’t hear it. I don’t even care. Whatever comment you have makes you sound prudish/judgmental/sexist/jealous/mad. Sorry bout it! It ain’t welcome here!

Do I care about her sex tape? Not even a tiny bit. Do I think she’s dumb? No, I do not. I think she’s completely self aware and shrewd. If you don’t see the game, you might need to think harder about who’s dumb.

I’m sorry if I sound defensive, but I just spent an hour and a half Googling Kimmie, and the ugly, disgusting, misogynistic things that pop up about her before anything else are disheartening. Why the need to waste so much energy tearing this woman down? The attacks on her are so personal, and so hateful. For what? Why? Because of her money? Because of her body? Why so much hate towards her body?

The woman is an anomaly.

kim k body con

We should all be so lucky! When I look at her, I don’t even get mad about my body. She’s so fantastical, her body is nearly unattainable. Other celebrity bodies, I can comprehend the work that has gone into them. But how Kim’s stomach is so flat, and she keeps her ass so big, I’ll never understand.

I really think people can not handle the fact that she exists in the same real universe as the rest of us. She’s not a cartoon. She’s a living, breathing woman who, by genetics or design, looks impossible. She’s just so outlandishly shaped that she scrambles our brains. One of the best descriptions of Kim I’ve ever read came from Tina Fey, who described her looks as, “…made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.”

When she was pregnant, she looked so fecund, so radiant, she was a modern day fertility goddess. Pregnancy suited her beautifully.

kim k pregnant

Kimberly! Stahp!!

P.S. Would you like to know what the first autocomplete suggestion was when I Googled “Kim Kardashian pregnant?” Whale. It thought I wanted to Google that her pregnant body makes her look like a whale. It thought it was obvious. That’s so fucking gross. Just let the woman be pregnant. Let her let her body do what it needs and wants to do. Could you imagine? The whole world being so vocally critical of your pregnant body? Horrifying. I guess the argument could be made that such is the price of fame, but do we, as a culture, need to extract every penny so viciously?

Anyways.

Beauty and fashion wise, MEDIA WISE, she’s an icon for the new millennium. I find her constant style reinvention inspiring, and her unapologetic need for glamour bracing. Most often, people, celebrities in particular demur when faced with the question of whether they want all these “things” all these material trappings. Not so for Kim. She is awash in fashion and glitter and expensive things, and she is fine with it. She seems like the kind of person who prefers a hotel to camping, and that doesn’t make her bad. I get that preference! A distaste for roughing it doesn’t make you any less real.

She is SO REAL.

Where our beloved Queen Bey seem so far above the rest of us, Kim lets us see her ugly crying face, she lets us see her painfully mottled feet, swollen from her pregnancy. Kim seems like maybe you knew a girl like her in high school. She would have had on glittery butterfly clips, and you would ride in her Eclipse to go get fries at McDonald’s. She sings along to “No Scrubs” with you. Her bags were more expensive than yours, she had a pager, and her parents would let her do things your parents would never allow. The Kardashians, Kim in particular, understand how to show you they’re like you. I love that. That’s a big part of why I chose Kim as my first beauty icon. She’s not always the perfectly contoured face on the red carpet.

And can we talk about that contoured face?

kim k contour

Kim’s look has sparked a makeup wildfire. Normal women who don’t have makeup artists, who don’t have photo shoots, know how to do a highlight and contour now, and that is because of Kim Kardashian. All over the beauty world, “Kim Kardashian face” is shorthand for an admittedly heavy, but polished and flawless contour job. She brought it to the masses. THANK YOU, KIM.

This fabulous woman, with one sex tape, unleashed a whirlwind of big hair, face contouring, body, and style upon the world. And, she was able to bring her entire family along with her! Famous for nothing? Bullshit. She’s famous because she keeps going. She’s famous because no matter what’s going on around her, divorces, pregnancies, body shaming, the insatiable public hunger for her downfall, she straps on gorgeous shoes and walks out the door. She’s famous because she perseveres. She’s famous because she’s not an idiot. Paris Hilton was an idiot. Kim is no idiot. She’s famous because she is our Most Beautiful. She looks like America. She is all too much, and we LOVE to have too much.

kim k karl l

Kim is one of my beauty idols for the obvious reasons: her makeup is perfect, she has an adventurous sense of style, her hair is ideal, she knows her own face and body and she uses them with a model’s sensibility.

kim k blue couch

Kim is one of my beauty idols for the less obvious reason: she doesn’t let the hate keep her down. If you’re going to be a beauty revolutionary, you might have to face some harsh criticism. I can’t think of anyone who gets it worse than Kim, and she shows off her beauty anyways.

kim k crop top

About all of this.

Kim will not yield the spotlight. You can’t force her. She doesn’t retreat. She goes blonde.

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Friday I'm in Love, Personal

Season of the Witch

ahs friday im in love

Oh man. I ate a ton of little candies last night. I got all hopped up on sugar, and then I crashed. I woke up this morning feeling terrible. Is this what kids feel like the day after Halloween, or, am I just an old lady? I don’t know, but I have a ton of candy left and I’m surfing the crimson wave, so I’m basically just going to sit on the candy bowl while I dump the rest of the bags into my mouth until I either stop or start crying. We’ll see how I’m feeling. Thanks for everything, body! You’re a real shithead sometimes.

Other than enduring a visit from Tia Rojo, this has been my first full week back to work here at the Lab Bunny in I don’t know how long. I am SPENT! I don’t know how some of these other blogs do so many posts a day. Don’t they have television shows to watch?!

Speaking of television shows, can we talk about American Horror Story aka The Reason TV Was Invented? I am a HUGE AHS fan. American Horror Story is my Breaking Bad. Like, Breaking Bad is a good show, I get it, but BB can eat it next to AHS. EAT. IT. Now, I’m not all the way through Breaking Bad yet, but I’m pretty sure Walter White never fell in love with the ghost of a school shooter, or became a possessed nun, or went to witch war against Ms. Tina Turner. Gimme a show where Dylan McDermott cries and jacks it at the same time, or give me nothing. This season is about female power, and I am INTO IT. Jessica Lange is fantastic, as usual, but I’m really excited about Frances Conroy’s character, Myrtle Snow. They’re so obviously dressing her as Grace Coddington, and she looks fucking fabulous. I can’t even take it.

Grace Coddington

Grace.

ahs

Myrtle.

I want those red, ruffled gloves so bad. When they made their appearance on Wednesday night’s show, I literally gasped. I’m not sure, but I’m pretty positive I’d never take them off.

When AHS is over at the end of the season, I am so, so sad. I wish it was on year round. This year, the first episode of the new season debuted a few days after my birthday, and it made me want to skip right over my birthday, just to get my show that much faster. You never know what’s going to happen on this show!! Like, making predictions are fun, but they never matter because they hardly ever come true. This year, I saw alligators come back from the dead and eat some dudes. Zombie alligators. Why? WHY NOT?!

First rule of AHS: You ALWAYS talk about AHS.

Second rule of AHS: Don’t ask why. “Why?” and AHS do not belong together.

Mad Men used to be my favorite show. Mad Men is still one of my favorite shows, but my passion for it has never reached AHS heights. I’m becoming an obsessed weirdo with a television show. Like Dr. Who people. Dr. Who people are nuts! But, I get it now! Dylan McDermott’s murder gazebo from Season 1 is like my magic phone booth, or whatever.

You guys. This season has Patti LuPone. LUUUUPOOOOONE. She’s a holy roller with shirtless hunks for sons who all live next door to a boarding school for teenage witches.

Sometimes, I think the writers just have a bunch of different words written on scraps of paper in a witch hat, and they just pull random ideas out of the hat and write a show. I love it. I really, really do.

I sat down to write a little post about my week, and it just ended up being about American Horror Story. So, you know what? Fuck it. Friday I’m in Love with American Horror Story. And I have every reason to believe it’s in love with me. This season, in particular, feels like a love letter to me. Every stage of my life has had its pop culture witches, The Witches, The Craft and now American Horror Story Coven. I’m all grown up now, and I like my witches to be POWER BITCHES with gorgeous outfits.

HASHTAGTHEWITCHISBACK. HASHTAGBLACKISTHENEWBLACK.

The first season is on Netflix. It’s scary and so funny. The second season hasn’t show up yet, and the third season is 4 episodes in. I’m not sure if you could pick it up right now, but maybe! Really, every week a new story develops, so you might as well try to jump in now!

 

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Beauty Tools, General, Personal

That’s my bag, baby!

Check it out, guys! Austin Powers joke! BA-BAM! COMEDY.

So, Jason got me a new makeup bag for my birthday, and I’m doing the big swap/clean right now. I thought I’d run down a list of the things I always have in my makeup bag for you guys. It’s going to be a long list.

makeup bag

I’m doing this on the couch while I watch CONAN. 

Let’s start on the left, and work our way up.

Blushes and Bronzers

MAC Sheertone Blush in “Peaches”

Urban Decay Baked Bronzer in “Gilded”

NARS Blush in “Super Orgasm” (ALL TIME FAVE)

MAC Creme Bronzer in “Beach Bronze”

MAC Mineralize Skinfinish in “Give Me Sun”

MAC Mineralize Skinfinish in “Redhead”

Mascaras

Benefit “They’re Real”

Benefit “Bad Gal Plum”

Concealers, Highlighters and Primers

Benefit “High Beam”

Marcelle BB Cream in “Golden Glow”

Benefit “Watt’s Up”

NARS  Pore-Prime Pore Refining Primer

MAC Select Cover-Up in NW20

Tarte Clean Slate Face Primer

MAC Lustre Drops in “Sun Rush”

MAC Select Moisture Cover in NC20

Urban Decay Lip Primer Potion

Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion in “Eden” (ALL TIME FAVE)

Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion

Eyeshadow Palettes

Urban Decay Naked Basics (NEW FAVE!! Thank you, Click!!)

Urban Decay Naked (the original) (ALL TIME FAVE)

Urban Decay Naked 2 (ALL TIME FAVE)

Foundation and Finishing Powders

Ben Nye Neutral Set

MAKE UP FOR EVER HD Foundation (ALL TIME FAVE)

e.l.f. High Definition Powder

LIPSTICKS AND LIP GLOSSES!!!

Fresh Sugar Rose

Urban Decay Lipstick in “Jilted” (ALL TIME FAVE)

Sephora Lip Gloss Pencil 05

NYX Matte Lipstick in “Indie Flick”

Urban Decay Lip Gloss in “Guys Heart Betsey”

MAC Lustreglass in “Flashmode”

Sephora Collection Color Lip Last #12 “Royal Raspberry”

Revlon Colorburst Lip Butters in “Tutti Frutti,” “Peach Parfait” and “Cupcake”

Maybelline Vivids in “Fuchsia Flash”

Model Co Matte Lipstick in “Peony”

MAC Lip Glass in “Schemer”

OCC Lip Tar in “Queen”

Urban Decay Lip Gloss in “Naked”

Urban Decay XXX Shine Lip Gloss in “Heatherette”

Urban Decay Lipstick in “Naked”

MAC Lip Glass in “Hush, Hush Rose”

NARS Lip Gloss in “Super Orgasm”

MAC Lipsticks in “Honey Love,” “Russian Red” and “Rebel” (Russian Red is MY JAM! ALL TIME FAVE!!)

Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick in “69”

Clinique Almost Lipstick in “Black Honey” (OG ALL TIME FAVE)

CHAPSTICK

Eyes

Essence Gel Eyeliners in “Midnight in Paris” and “London Baby”

Urban Decay Moondust Eyeshadow in “Diamond Dog”

Stila Magnificent Metals in “Vintage Black Gold”

Urban Decay “Heist”

MAC “Trax” (ALL TIME FAVE)

NARS “Galapagos”

Sephora Collection “Aspen Summit”

Anastasia Brow Powder Duo in “Brunette/Dark Brown”

Lip and Eye Pencils

Cover Girl Perfect Blend Pencil in “Mink”

MAC Lip Pencil in “Burgundy”

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil in “1999”

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil Duo in “Zero/Whisky” (ALL TIME FAVE)

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil in “Flipside”

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil in “Smoke”

Sephora Lip Pencil in “Pure Pinky”

MAC Lip Pencil in “Spice”

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Lip Pencil in “Wicked”

NARS Velvet Gloss Lip Pencil in “New Lover”

Urban Decay Super Saturated High Gloss Lip Color in “Crush”

Stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Eyeliner in “Intense Black”

Sephora Eye Pencil in “Pure White”

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil in “Perversion”

Miscellaneous!

Double barreled pencil sharpener

Eyelash curler

Rubberband!!

Brushes

There are a ton of brushes in there, but I’m not going to run through them because I’ve already done that, in detail, HERE, HERE and HERE.

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makeup bag finished

TA-DAA!! The finished product!

I’m super stoked because my new makeup bag has an inner zipper pouch, so I can throw all my lip and eye pencils in there and cut out the possibility of a loose lid coming off and smearing color all over everything. This is why I had to wipe EVERYTHING down before it went into the new bag, it was all spotted with liner! Makeup wise, there are few things more frustrating than doing your makeup without realizing you have greasy, black pencil all over your hands. You learn about that mess the hard way when you go to make a tiny adjustment with your finger, and put a black smudge on the center of your perfectly contoured and powdered nose.

These are my ride or die soldiers right HEAH. I use this stuff all the time, it all travels with me, I take the contents of this bag VERY SERIOUSLY. Some of it is always in there, some of it gets cycled out, but the list mostly stays the same. If anything, it just grows. I keep having to buy bigger and bigger bags. I imagine once I get my acrylic drawers, I’ll pare the bag down a little more. But, until then, ALL HAIL MY BAG OF TRICKS.

I hope this peek into my makeup bag is fun for you guys! If anyone has any questions about how I use any of this stuff, or if you want to see swatches of anything in particular, let me know!

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A man duhh, Friday I'm in Love, Personal

Jason Cosper Review and Pics

fridayiminlove1

 

Can I talk about something unrelated to makeup? I can, right? You guys are cool with that? I knew you would be!

Man. You guys are awesome.

You know who else is awesome?

jason bunny

THIS GUY.

I’m 100% sure it was my idea for him to wear my bunny hat, and since he’s a good sport and a hilarious dude, here we are.

Jason is always up for the joke. More importantly, he’s up for my jokes.

And let me tell you, I have got JOKES.

We just got back from a trip to Santa Barbara for our three year anniversary, so I’ve been spending a lot of time with this guy. I’m happy to say, that after a week of nearly 24/7 contact, I still really like him.

It was touch and go there for a minute when we were arguing in the car on the drive, but then we got to the hotel, and forgot all about it. We’re good like that; we can recover from a fight almost instantly if you distract us. We’re not even really mad, we’re just dumb.

Dumb idiots in love.

Dumb idiot know-it-all smarty pants sarcastic depressives in love.

sarah and jason

How did I ever go those first 24 years without him? What did I do? Was I happy?  Was I bored? It’s hard to remember now.

I bet I was so bored!

We’ve been together for almost 8 years now, and things haven’t been boring so far. Frustrating? Sometimes. Sexual? You know it! Boring? No way.

Well….

Maybe the Star Wars parts are boring. I prefer to talk about Indiana Jones or Planet of the Apes.

Cosper family

How did we get so lucky? How does anyone get so lucky?

I married the funniest, smartest dude I’ve ever met.

I’ve met a lot of funny ones.

A handful of smart ones.

Maybe three funny AND smart ones.

Only one Jason.

sarah and jason rings

GROSS.

We talk about everything, we fight about the things we need to fight about, we don’t stay mad for long, we hold hands in bed every night when we fall asleep. He encourages everything I ever want to do, he believes in me.

It was his idea to bring Rowdy home.

What would I do without him?

Oh, sick. I hate to even think about it.

In conclusion, since I will never stop being an angsty teen with a dark song in my heart, I’d like to leave you with a poem I wrote for him last year. He’s the only person who’s ever seen it. I really intended on keeping it that way, but I want to put it out there: I really love Jason Cosper.

A LOVE POEM FOR JASON

When we die,

I want my bones to be buried inside your bones.

My ribcage inside your ribcage

my spine locked together with yours

tibias, clavicles, teeth and fingers all mixed up.

It’s comforting to think about,

when I’m scaring myself with my own mortality,

this idea of us together.

It’s romantic to imagine,

when I’m paralyzed by fear.

Your bones guarding mine.

My bones touching yours.

Whatever happens next,

whether we see it or not,

I’d die knowing I’d be with you.

The earth above pressing us into each other.

Fusing us together.

Parted by death no more.

My bones inside your bones.

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Be back from vacation soon!

Personal

Gone Fission

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Eyeshadow, Face, Floss Gloss, Lips, Personal, Sephora Collection, Smashbox

Birthday List

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve tried to become the kind of person who can just be cool about their birthday; or, one of those people who can at least pretend to be cool about their birthday. It won’t take. I can’t be an, “Oh. It was my birthday last week, I just didn’t say anything. I don’t like to make a big deal,” person. It’s just not in me. I’m sorry, everyone. We’re just going to have to keep eating cake.

Except this year, we’re having pie. Because crust.

Look, I used to make my birthday lists in August. My birthday is less than a month away (Oct. 5th, if you’re curious. LIBRA LADIES REPRESENT.), so I think this is appropriate. As appropriate as a 31 year old woman with a public birthday wish list can be anyways. And this isn’t even everything! This is the stuff I’m super obsessed with right now! PERSONAL GROWTH.

Floss Gloss Nail Lacquers in STUN & DIMEPIECE

fg stun

STUN

fg dimepiece

DIMEPIECE

Every time I buy polish from Floss Gloss, I hover over these two glitters. I can never make up my mind, so I just end up without either one of them. Isn’t that a sad story?

I want one of these sexy stickers too.

fg skripper

SKRIPPER STICKER

This sticker would give my laptop a little bit of, how you say, je ne sais ass and titties. It’s subtle, but I think it will work.

Smashbox The Master Class Palette II

smashbox mc2I wanted the original Master Class Palette, but I waited too long, and I didn’t get it. Another sad story! Lucky for all of us Smashbox released their Master Class Palette II! I want to put this into my makeup bag and never let it leave. It will travel everywhere with me! It’ll see the world! Won’t someone PLEASE give this poor palette a chance to make something of itself!?

 Han Cholo – Loco Skull Ring in Brass Plated Gold, in 9

han cholo ring

‘AY. How cool is this ring?! Too fucking cool, right? It would look pretty great on my hands, and it would let everyone know what’s up. Namely, that I’m way, way loco. I take pills for it, but science can only go so far. People think Jason is the one to look out for, because he’s 6’5, and his fists look like hams; but you really gotta watch out for me. While you’re all distracted by Jason way up there, I’ll come in under your eye line and CUT CHU, MANG. Nah. I’m just playin’. I won’t cut chu. UNLESS YOU ASK FOR IT.

Nah.

YES!

5 Drawer Acrylic Case

acrylic makeup storage

I WANT THIS SO BAD! I would really like to be able to see more of my makeup. The majority of it is packed away into a giant train case in my closet. I can’t gaze upon them from there. Also, you guys wouldn’t believe the stuff thats’s just sitting in there, never getting used, because it’s out of sight and out of mind. If you really think about it, this is kind of an investment that actually saves us money! If my forgotten eyeshadows are out where I can see them, they’ll get used, and they won’t go to waste. See! I’ve got all the best moneymaking ideas. You gotta spend money to make money! That’s what I always say. Or is it that I always just say spend money? I can’t remember. Better spend some money just to be on the safe side.

SEPHORA COLLECTION Cream Lip Stain in 04 Endless Purple

sephora lip stain2

I’ve really liked all of the Sephora branded lip products that I’ve bought in the past. In fact, for my birthday last year, I wore one of their matte long wear lipsticks in a crazy hot fuchsia. Natch. It stayed on for a loooong time. Through a lot of drinks, and birthday kisses and dip. I’m into this gloss, I’m curious how it stacks up to the stila stain that was in my Birchbox last month.

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Well, there you have it, some of the things that will ease my transition into 32. The rest of the things that will help are drinks, friends, tacos, and pie. And drinks. And pie. And some of that potion from “Death Becomes Her” that keeps you young forever.

 

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