Let’s keep this short and sweet. This stuff totally works. You should buy it.
Hahaha! Jay kay! You know I can’t stop talking. But, since I’m on last minute vacation with my MANTASTIC MANIMAL, I am going to keep this short, by my standards.
I got a little sample jar of Mario Badescu’s Drying Cream at Ulta last week. It was a gift with purchase sample, obviously, since yet another shitty thing about Ulta is their refusal to give out samples.
Ulta – 1, Sephora – 1,000
I gave Ulta a point because they never had me in for a bunch of interviews, talked scheduling with me, and then DIDN’T HIRE ME. Minus one point from Sephora, plus one for Ulta.
Anyways, that was years ago, I’m past all that now. My righteous anger boycott of Sephora only lasted a couple weeks.
Mario Badescu Drying Cream is a blemish cream that dries up your zits so you can move on with your life. Most blemish creams dry up and flake off once they’re on your skin; this one is sort of weird because it’s creamy like makeup, and it stays that way on your face. Their site says you can use it under your makeup to conceal and heal your blemishes, so that’s pretty cool. On Wednesday, I got this really angry looking pimple on the side of my nose. It was really big, like the tip of a pencil eraser. And, of course, I couldn’t stop touching it, even thought I totally know better. Before I went to bed that night, I remembered I had the Drying Cream, so I put a little on my zit. When I woke up in the morning, it was almost completely gone! It had shrunk way down to just a little dot, and it wasn’t red and pulsating anymore. Science is amazing, right? No more having to suffer through embarrassing adult pizza face. The only down side was, since it doesn’t dry down, it’s easy to smear. The first night I had it on, I kept saying to myself, “What is that weird smell?” and wiping my nose, like an idiot. It doesn’t actually smell weird, I’m just forgetful.
I love this product! It’s really fantastic. But, the joke’s on them! I only used a teeeeeeny bit, and it worked right away. I’m going to use this free sample forever!
For some reason, Mario Badescu doesn’t allow Sephora and Ulta to promote these on their websites. So, you can buy Drying Cream directly from Mario Badescu’s site, HERE. Or, you can buy it in store at Sephora and Ulta.
I wasn’t sure what to expect when I bought this color. In the store, it looked peachier, but at home, it was much pinker. Queen is described as a “bright coral pink,” and that’s pretty accurate. It’s bright pink, but it doesn’t have enough purple in it to be fuchsia. My BFF and I tried it together when I opened it for the first time, at home, and it was so cool and fun there were actual squeals of delight (she gives it her Sam’s Seal of Approval, btw).
Even though I was expecting a different color, I was happy with how it came out. It’s a really great Spring/Summer color.
The staying power makes it great for summer too.
I tested how it held up to heat and heavy sweating while I was trying on clothes at the mall just now. Does everyone else totally sweathog it in the dressing rooms like I do? I don’t know if it’s the lights or the pressure or what, but the second I start pulling my clothes off, I become a thousand degrees. So then I’m trying to pull pants legs over my shoes, and my hair is sticking to my forehead, and OH MY GOD IS THAT WHAT I LOOK LIKE FROM BEHIND, all while Chris Farley level sweat is springing out of my upper lip. Usually, I end up wiping my lipstick off so it doesn’t smear, but that wasn’t a concern today. The Lips Tars don’t go anywhere.
This is after about 5 hours of wear. Eating, drinking, swearing, etc.
When applying Lip Tar, you put a tiny dot of color onto the enclosed lip brush, and paint from the center of your lips out. If you put your little drop of Lip Tar on your brush, and you think, “I don’t know. That doesn’t seem like enough,” it’s probably enough. Trust me, it’s better to just start out with less than you think you’ll need, a little bit of Lip Tar goes a really long way. Their site warns against using too much and running the risk or your lip color feathering. That’s Gangie status right there.
Not that Gangie would ever let her lipstick feather. But you know what I mean, feathered lip lines are for old ladies.
OCC Lip Tars apply like a gloss, but they dry down to a NOT STICKY satin lipstick type finish. You can build from a stain to full coverage very easily, and they’re so heavily pigmented, that every level of application has vivid color payoff. Although they do dry, they are non-drying to your lips. Most long wear lipsticks and glosses make your mouth feel gross when they dry, but the Lip Tar left my mouth feeling like, well, like my mouth. There are 46 colors, and they’re made for mixing. The possibilities are extraordinary!
I’m so in love with these Lip Tars now. I want to buy all 46 colors, scatter them all over our bed, and do it on them!
I have the roughest little hooves. Thanks, Dad’s f’ed up foot genes and my 30 year barefoot lifestyle!
I just ran across this disgusting foot peel, Baby Foot, and I WANT IT!!
I mean, look at this:
THAT IS FUCKING SICK! I want to do that!! I know I’m a freak, but I didn’t become an esthetician because I like seeing strangers in their underwear. I became an esthetician because I like to pick zits and tweeze ingrown hairs. That whole strangers in their underwear thing was a lucky bonus.
If it works, this peeling foot skin thing is a dream come true! Gross skin to pick and soft feet?! YES!! Sign me up forever!
I was kind of feeling over nail wraps. In theory, I’m into it, but I don’t know. Some of the patterns and prints are aight, they’re just never what I want to have on my nails. I mean, I have a few wraps in my stash that I’ve never even opened. I was saving them for the right time, and now I don’t even want leopard nails! You’re welcome for my money, Sephora.
It had been a long time since any nail wraps caught my eye; not since the gold foil Minx wraps I bought to wear last October were sort of a mess.
Since then, I’ve just been doing plain nails, in cream colors. No shimmers, no glitters, no nail art.
But, oh mama. I saw these Melody Ehsani designed wraps and I feel in so much nail love! I was picturing a whole summer’s worth of hot nails when I placed my order for two different styles.
They shipped out fast, and they were at my door within a week. The printing on these wraps is really good. A lot of the designs are graphic, and nice clear, sharp lines make sure none of the patterns look smudged or cheap. These are a couple dollars more expensive than nail wraps typically are, but you get more wraps (44) than you usually do, so it’s fine.
I took them with me to my last nail appointment, and had the little badass that does my nails put them on for me.
We applied them over my Sally Hansen Diamond Strength Base Coat, and finished them with my Seche Vite Top Coat. They were a little tricky to put on because the point of my nails is sort of severe right now, and that makes it hard to smooth out the tips without creasing. But, after a couple fingers, she was able to put them on smoothly. She said they were nice wraps, they were easy to work with, and once you got into the routine of the application, they were fast to apply. We were able to easily trim them to fit my nails too, so we weren’t totally constrained by their existing sizes.
I call this pose, “Gripping Two Corn Dogs.” It’s one of my hand model specialties.
Ummm. FUCKING NAILS DID, RIGHT? They’re so cool, they’re distracting. Like, all I’m seeing is my own hands right now, and all other life is secondary.
EXHIBIT A
Actual real photo that I took last night of my own nails in Jason’s beard because I thought it would look like my hand was in some pubes, and it totally does. Haha! It’s so gross! I’d like it if my friends with bearded husbands would take their own versions of this picture and send them to me. TXT ME U GUYS!
But the point is, I noticed this only because I was staring lovingly at my own hand while I was lovingly stroking my husband’s face because my nails are soooo hot! It’s probably not great to admit that you can so easily be driven to distraction by yourself, but it’s the truth. That’s how I know when something is so right! If it’s right, I’ll model it to myself for days.
I’ve had them on for four days now, and I’m only seeing a tiny bit of lifting at the top of one nail. The edges are all holding up well to my constant picking, typing, dog scratching, husband pinching, and impatient tapping.
I’m really happy with these wraps. They look rad, and the quality is great. I’m super excited about the other one I bought! I really don’t see these languishing in my nail bin for years.
My lovely and talented friend, Jennifer Williams, came by yesterday and set up an awesome little photo corner in my house! I can finally take pictures of my makeup that don’t turn out yellow, and I can stop relying on posts about stuff I don’t need to swatch. She helped me out at just the right time, man, I was starting to run out of ideas! Writing a beauty blog without photos of eyeshadow and stuff is not going to win me more BEST INTERNET awards.
This week, I’m going to finally show you guys that OCC Lip Tar I’ve been teasing forever, and I got some rad nail wraps that I can’t wait to run. Oh, I also got these SUPER DOPE polishes that I love so much they make me feel dizzy. Like, I look at them, and get overwhelmed with how cool they are.
I have to keep reminding myself this is not solely a nail blog, but what can I say? I love nail stuff! Just last week, I bought a giant tub to finally consolidate all my polishes together. I almost filled up the whole thing, and the only place the tub fits is under my bed. I’m obsessed! I love to stare at my own hands and make unnecessary gestures so everyone can see my cool nails. It was really bad when I first got my engagement ring. I was flinging my hands all over the place, and voguing in the mirror nonstop.
Speaking of Vogue, here’s this fantastic video of 23 years of “Vogue.” It’s so great. When Madonna is good, she’s amazing. “Vogue” is my very favorite Madonna song, I will always love it forever.
That’s all I have for today! But, I’ve given you the gift of Madonna, and you shouldn’t need anything else. Don’t be greedy!
Totally sexual and cool, big 60s hair is one of my very favorite styles.
TOO BAD I COULDN’T TEASE MY HAIR IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.
I’ve read countless tutorials, watched tons of videos, and even had my hairdresser/buddy show me how to do it on own head. Nothing ever helps! Sometimes, I’ll think I got it, but then I go to smooth hair over, and no, I don’t have it. I NEVER have it. I’ll tease and spray and tease and spray and it never works. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but whatever it is, it’s the key to undoing the entire thing.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to go with some other thrown together style at the last minute because I’m sweating and near tears, Jason is ready to go, and we’re late for a wedding, or whatever. It fucking sucks and it ruins my vision for my look.
It’s especially frustrating because it seems like teasing is pretty basic. I can’t French braid either, so that ruins all the other hair ideas I have pinned. I’ll just be standing in front of the bathroom mirror, teasing or braiding, until my arms feel like they’re going to fall off, and the result is always the same; a head full of knots and a FURIOUS me.
I’m not giving up though! I’m going to get it one day, dammit!
What about you? Are there any beauty styles or looks that you JUST CAN’T GET? Can you teach me to French braid? Should I just give it up and figure out another way to do my hair? Am I completely dumb for not being able to figure these things out?
The drugstore is the first place we all started experimenting with crazy beauty, right? If you were like me, you were young, you only had birthday money, and you were obsessed with Long’s Drugstore. They had all the best shit! Tons of face glitter and lots of cheap nail polish to shoplift.
Nail polish and toe rings….
Now that I’m too old to get busted for shoplifting without it being totally humiliating, and I have a debit card, I still like to peruse the drugstore for cheap beauty products. Scoring a good deal on a quality product is fucking intoxicating. I like to buy a bunch of stuff, show it all to Jason, and then gloat about how, “If you think about it, I’m really making us money by buying all this cheap product!” He says that’s not how it works, I say he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
So, today I’m introducing you guys to some of my very favorite discount beauty buys. These are all products that I’ve extensively tested and re-bought. They’re all good, they’re all cheap, and they’re all super easy to find at Target, Ulta, the grocery store, and online.
Pick up your Cipro and some lip gloss all at once! Let’s do it!
Don’t let the dated packaging and low price fool you, this mask is the real deal. Like, old school, thick and bright green. It’s straight up Mrs. Doubtfire status.
HELLOOOO!
Haha! I love it! Mrs. Doubtfire, you are SO CRAZY!
Queen Helene’s Mint Julep Masque has a clay like consistency, which is why it hardens as it dries. This part can hurt a little. I don’t know, maybe it’s pulling on the hypothetical peach fuzz I definitely do not have on my chin. After 15 games of Bejeweled, rinse it off, and rewash your face with your cleanser. You should see brighter and clearer looking skin. It definitely helps with blackheads and drying up zits. The site claims it “shrinks enlarged pores,” but that’s bullshit because that’s impossible.
In fact, let’s clear this up right now:
ANY BEAUTY PRODUCT THAT CLAIMS TO “SHRINK” YOUR PORES IS LYING TO YOU. YOUR PORES ARE THE SIZE THEY ARE AND THERE ISN’T ANYTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
All beauty products can do is decrease the appearance of your pores by cleaning them out. I’m sorry. I wish it wasn’t this way, but it is. But, hey, if you’re in the market for a mask that will decrease the appearance of your pores, this one will do it. The mint can sting a little, so if you have extremely sensitive skin, tread carefully. I’ve been using this mask for years, and I buy it over more expensive masks all the time.
ETA: A friend left a comment about her experience with the mask, “When I was younger than 20, it was fine. Now that my skin is aging, it is asking for trouble. It dries me out way too much, it burns like hell, and leaves me with a thin, frail, red mess.”
So, fair warning for all you tender faced readers! You could maybe still use it in spots; if my cheeks are feeling really dry, I’ll only put it on my nose and forehead. But, if you have qualms, spot test first.
I’m a sucker for products that have the word “butter” in the name. I’m drawn right to it! I don’t know what that says about me other than the obvious; I’m hungry and susceptible.
Revlon’s Lip Butters go on so smoothly. Even the colors with shimmer in them don’t really drag or get caught up if your lips aren’t in great condition. Which is good for me because, as I’ve stated earlier, I gnaw on my poor mouth. The color payoff is good, with finishes ranging from sheer to dark. They have a balm like consistency, but they don’t seem particularly moisturizing. If that’s a concern for you, you can apply them over whatever lip moisturizer you use. They’re great for summer because they’re light, they aren’t sticky, and they don’t travel all over your face.
“Peach Parfait” is my oh-shit-I-don’t-have-lipstick-on emergency kit. It’s a fantastic nude that’s always in my purse, and it looks great with almost any eye makeup I might be wearing. I loved that first color so much, I bought two more, “Cupcake” and “Tutti Frutti.”
I was just embarrassed for myself typing out, “Tutti Frutti.” That sounds like a grandma lipstick.
These Lip Butters are such a great deal. The quality is great and the price is awesome. You can even find them on sale all the time! BONUS!
Followed by all the things on the bathroom counter being knocked over. I’m great at holding it together at the bars, but the second I get into the car with Jason, I go crazy! I’m like Roger Rabbit when you give him liquor; all broken windows and steam coming out of my ears.
OK, I’ve never broken any windows. But, I did once flood my mom’s front room because I passed out in the shower with my leg over the drain.
If I’d had these facial towelettes then, I never would have gotten into the shower that fateful morning! I would have just wiped my face, and gone to bed. Then, the whole 80s movie montage that went down when I woke up and had to frantically clean up all the water because MY PARENTS WERE COMING HOME EARLY never would have happened.
It sounds like I was 17 when this happened, but I was 23. Oops!
Well, I didn’t quite learn my lesson, I still drunkenly climb into bathtubs and showers. But, it happens a lot less often. For real, the ability to be able to just wipe off my makeup at the end of the night is such a relief.
These towelettes are perfect for taking off face makeup, and eye shadows, but they’re not great for effectively removing all of your eye liner and mascara. It can be done, it just takes a little more work. I don’t really care about that for this product because I’m not using it as my primary cleanser. Besides, who doesn’t like a little sexy, smudged party eye?
I like to wipe my face with them, then rinse out the cloth and give my skin one more pass. That way, I can pick up any extra cleanser or makeup that’s left behind. They clean your skin, and they moisturize too. So, if you’re drunk or just lazy you’re all set!
Put these products on your Target lists. Don’t shoplift them!
Shoplifting is for 13 year olds with attitude problems. And Winona Ryder.
